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First time being in love; is this what it feels like?


mmnyc5052

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I'm guessing I will get a lot of "when you know, you know" responses here but I just wanted to get a feel for what everyone thinks of really knowing when you're in love.

 

I'm 25, BF is 25 going on 26. Have been together for almost 2 years. As it started, I lived accross country for the first nine months of our relationship. He pursued me online (we had gone to the same HS but never met; he found me through mutual friends as he remembered my face…and other things haha). We began to talk on FB…literally spent four hours the first night. I normally never respond when random guys say "hey how are you?" but with him I just felt like I should, so I did.

 

FF…we continued our relationship, went on dates when I came home to visit, spent every waking hour talking or texting, he pooled money to visit me 2 months in…all the while he said he knew he loved me but I kept thinking it wouldn't last because I was so far away, I didn't want to fool myself into thinking he was serious about me and then get hurt. Well…time passed, we grew closer, had so much in common, had amazing sex, bonded like I've never bonded with anyone. I kept trying to tell myself "you like him a lot but it won't last" for some reason, I guess to prevent myself from getting hurt. I even told my friends how much I liked him but I wouldn't end up marrying him.

 

We went through a rough patch last year, wherein I found myself actually loving him, or beginning to really love him, and my insecurities got the best of me. I put him through an anxiety-insecurity ridden hell, asking him questions and constantly trying to be reassured I was his only girl. I became certifiably insane, playing detective and always anxious I'd find something, which I never did. He always appeased me, deleted girls off of Facebook, constantly reassured me…I'm not sure where this crazy spell came from but I guess it was subconsciously my way of fulfilling my prophecy that it wouldn't last. But it did. He's been all about me from day 1. It's my first serious relationship, and I guess I thought due to societal norms I would have to have 5 or 6 serious relationships before finding the one.

 

Here we are a year and a half later. I ended up moving back home because I was unhappy in my job and position in life accross country. Also, my friends, family, and boyfriend were here. I've struggled with such a huge move/change and I think that with so much time on my hands and overactive mind that's how I fell into that crazy insecure trap.

 

We had a blissful summer. We went on so many little adventures, continued to learn each other and appreciate each other. We know each others' friends and family well. He has lived with my family for the past 7 months and in that time we have grown even closer.

 

I feel like I am now at the point where I have truly fallen in love. I mean, I am head over heels for him. He is about to ship to boot camp for the army, which he has worked so hard for, and it's made me realize how much I care for him. He is loving, funny, responsible, dedicated, caring, helpful, smart, sexy…every time I see another cute guy I think "wow, you know what? I'm not even interested. He isn't my boyfriend. I don't even care." I want to be by his side all the time and I can really see a future for us; we talk about marriage and children and what a happy life we could have. He is honestly my best friend and I'm just so….I don't know, the only way I can describe it is I feel like I could burst with how I feel about him. I'm overwhelmed. I'm so prideful that he is my man, I get choked up thinking about him and how much I will miss him in training. But as we've done long distance before, I know we can survive.

 

I guess my goal with this post is to ask what is love? Is what I am feeling truly love? I have been an insecure person most of my life and I think it's knocked at my brain saying "you don't deserve this, it can't be real." That's why I am asking. I also thought that I would have to wait to be in my 30's to know in my heart a person was right for me but I honestly can't think of anyone else I'd rather be with. We share so much in common, are enmeshed with each other, he is my rock and I his.

 

I don't mean to blabber, I know this is long but good god…I just am overwhelmed with how strongly I feel for him. Even as I type this my heart is saying "you have your answer, you know it's love" but as I've never dealt with this emotion in a romantic way I'd just like some input.

 

Best to all of you and thanks for your time and consideration.

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I don't think anyone can tell you whether or not you're in love with someone, you have to decide that. With that being said, it sounds like you two have something wonderful going on and if you came on this site just to gush about him that's a pretty good sign. Try and put the insecurities (if they're still present) behind you. I've been in his situation and when a guy loves his girl its really disheartening to have her not be trusting of you. But don't let your past bug you, he has forgiven you .

If you think he's the one hold onto to him tight, and love him. He can be the one if you both want it to happen and persevere. Love is about effort not magic (even though it definitely feels like magic). When the hard times come, and they will, don't give up on him and he won't on you either and when its over, you'll be twice as close. So in short, yes it sounds like love.

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Hi dirtchewer, thank you so much for your reply!!

 

That makes sense. I know it seems like I just wanted to vent about my feelings but I honestly was seeking advice from those who have really been through it all - the deep love, all that. I've seen it in movies but until now in my actual life I didn't know what it felt like so I just wanted to be sure I wasn't fooling myself.

 

You're totally right - it takes work. I read a great article about how there is no such thing as "soul mates" -- you can be soul mates with anyone you click with but it really takes work, understanding, compromise, and communication. I am really just now tying the bow on what I think is the whole idea of real, genuine love -- aside from visceral passion, lust, and enamor, I believe you have to have a common ground, common interests, views, and outlook. And communication. So yes….I totally appreciate your input.

 

I guess this was more of just me venting and letting out what I felt and trying to understand my path to it. I think I was confused by what I perceived as a younger person as "societal norms and expectations" about the timeline of when you meet your love anyhow to proceed. I suppose now it is more of a case by case basis and not an altogether norm by which we all conceive and feel true love.

 

thanks again, buddy.

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You're welcome Societal norms are silly. Every once in a while people really do find those "fairy tale" loves and they go all the way with them. Just because most people have a ton of failed relationships before they find the one doesn't mean you have to . Your post reminds me of a love I had and reading it was really nice. The way you talk about him reminds me of the way she talked about me and she did something similar to this on another site. I hope that's not an inappropriate thing to say, but I just wanted to mention reading that made me smile. Good luck to you two.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thank you! Your responses are very kind and helpful.

 

He just shipped today to bootcamp. I'm a mess. All I keep picturing is him looking at me in the sweet loving way he does, kissing his forehead. It's killing me and I feel like my insides are tearing apart.

 

I feel like I sound like a class idiot. I always judged and hated those people who gushed about love…guess my foot is in my mouth. I feel like a sap but I can't help it. Never thought I'd be here saying these things….always wanted to be the big independent city girl, who didn't need a man. I was for a while then I met him. He's changed my life. I'd rather live in a cardboard box with him on the streets of Bangladesh than not be with him.

 

Balls. I'm a mess. Anyway thank you so much for your comments

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It is love and it will last as long as both of you are striving to make it last. He's been good to you especially in reassuring you of your insecurities. So he seems very committed in making it work and he prioritizes you. If you do the same then this should end up being a really good marriage. Best of luck to you.

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Thank you, Mari! Your positive words of encouragement are much appreciated.

 

We will both definitely have to work to make things as strong as they are now; I'm no fool, we both can't grow complacent. But the way we feel now is untouchable. I'd give my life for this man….and I'll do what it takes.

 

Thanks again. Much appreciated.

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