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confused... please help! :(


opaldragon

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hi, im a newbie and this is my first post.

 

okay, this could be a long one but i dont know how to approach this ... ill do my best to keep it as short as i can.

 

 

so....... jan 2012, i got quite drunk and messaged a guy that i liked him.... he messaged back saying he felt the same way and we went to the cinema for our first date (i hate calling em "dates").. lets call him Joe

 

bit of background... we had worked together for about 6 years but it was only two years ago that i started to develop feelings for him. ive always been a very quiet, shy person... had depression, got bullied etc all the way through school, never went to uni. its probably taken me about 10 years to "come out of my shell" and im coming along in leaps and bounds... but ive never had a boyfriend. ive been on dates, yeah, kissed guys, yeah, but never had sex.... not that i havent wanted to or im "frigid" or whatever. just that the guys always end it before its begun... im starting to feel like its never gonna happen.. but its not like you can ask for feedback right?

 

anyway......

we had only been out a few times before he texted me "we need to talk" (i know, right!) so we went for a coffee and he said he didnt think he was ready for another relationship. more background i already knew he had broken up with his girlfriend of 3 years about 4 months before

im a very patient person and ive know him for years so i understood.

 

4 months later... id been seeing a guy for a couple of weeks and hed ended it. the day after joe told me he was ready to go out with me again. a few people at work had started to say how us two would make a nice couple so i thought maybe he was being pushed a little?

 

joe: "yea she was trying to pull me over to the bakery the other day to ask you out lol

think i should have asked u out on that night but just didnt find the right time i guess but its never to late?"

 

 

 

one month later....

he was hardly speaking to me at work and took ages to reply to messages so i sent him this>>

 

"hey joe, i know you have been feeling unsure about us. i just wanted to say that i dont like being messed around, and its hard for me to relax when i know you have doubts...

you know i like you, but this doesnt mean anything unless you like me back. you either like me or you dont, its as simple as that. it shouldnt be this difficult. if you want to take things slow then thats fine with me, i know you had trouble getting over your last relationship.

i also need to say that i dont think i can go through this a third time so you need to be sure you know what you want. im a patient person, but its unfair to drag this out if you dont see us going anywhere. you must think there is something there as you made the effort to ask me out a second time but if this has changed, then i need to know joe.

 

joe: hey yea im sorry u think im messing you around i do have doubts i know u like me which makes it hard and i saw we had things in common and though we shud try and go out but i just dont feel. I just feel wel b better as friends if possible im sorry hate to do this especially over fb but i dont want to mess you around when im not 100% in it.

 

me: thats ok dude. i kinda felt that you werent as into me as i was into you. its unfortunate that i couldnt be myself around you knowing this, which probably put you off and made you like me a lot less. of course we can still be friends, im not a . unfortunately im used to this haha

 

 

it made it awkward at work for a while but i got over it... since then there have been messages back and forth...

 

october 2013.... he came round to my house a few times with his hard drive (not an innuendo)so i could get some films off him and we watched a few too.. just a friendly thing... i thought maybe he was gonna try and start us up again but no.. i wasnt giving anything away, no touching.. a hug but that was all. i sent him a message saying that i wasnt sure if he was "expecting more that i was giving" and he said something like he wanted to hang out for a bit and if it went further then so be it...

 

he ended up getting a temp promotion and moved to another store over christmas. we didnt think he was gonna come back, which suited me fine and i got over him completely and i was being more confident at work and talking to everyone and it was great..

 

jan 2014.. he ended up coming back and i didnt know what to feel. part of me felt bad for him that he didnt get to keep his promotion, part of me was happy to see him again. .

hed been saying for a while over fb and text that i could borrow a video game that he thought id like.. hed been promising for so long, i was just like yeah whatever.

and then he messaged me asking when would be a good time to bring it round, he wanted to see how good i was on xbox. so i thought ok fine.

 

feb2014. he came round with the game and we had a few laughs and watched a film too. at the end of the night he brought up the message i had sent him in october, i couldnt remember what it said.

 

joe basically said that hed been thinking about me a lot (absence makes the heart grow fonder?) and he said that he would still like to give it a go and that he was being stupid and that he could have been with me from october but didnt think its was fair seeing as how he woudlnt have been able to see me. (20 minute drive away, oh yeah )

 

i said how i was confused and that this had been going on for A WHILE (you are ing telling me!) and that he had been giving me mixed messages.

 

i caved and we kissed before he left my house.... then we went to the cinema and kissed again. hes going to vegas next week.

 

see, heres the thing... i really like joe and he knows that i do. i think its fair to say ive been more than patient, but we have never really been "on" as such.

 

obviously throughout, ive been going over in my head what i did wrong.

 

there must be something about me that he hates so much thats he keeps ending it... but something that he likes so much that keeps bringing him back..

 

i dont quite know what to do with myself. considering all this, im not gonna let him in my panties for a while...im scared he will end it again..or maybe he wants to me to decide if im a keeper?

 

my relationships never last more than a few dates...so there must be something wrong with me. i seem to have a talent for scaring them off. one guy i actually told i was a virgin (it came up in convo) and he rang me the next day to end it. (er. wont be doing that again) ive been told im pretty (joes friend, who im friends with once told me joe thought i was "hot", im a singer, i play guitar, i play video games, im a nice person...and patient but im starting to get a little pissed off.

 

like i said...i cant ask for feedack.

 

me and joe like the same music, films and other stuff.

part of me thinks that im just a "convenient choice"....or that hes taking advantage because he knows i like him. maybe his biological clock is ticking?

 

or maybe hes finally realised hes been a ... and not seeing me everyday at work was getting to him and hes changed his mind?

 

trouble is i do really like him and i dont want to do anything to it up...again.

to be honest hes the only guy i have been out with that i have wanted to .

 

i think thats everything....

 

I TRULY APOLOGISE FOR THE LENGTH OF THIS POST!!!

 

i do think too much. i need help

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