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Having one of those days....lost and confused


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Hi ENA's, just feel like venting. Was feeling OK for last few days, even Valentines Day was ok ( went out with a friend and had a good time). But today I feel so lost about what I am feeling. He texted me on Valentines Day quite late but I did not reply until yesterday. I know I shouldn't have but something in me snapped. He then wanted to meet up and I said 'no'.

 

I kind of like want to tell him that if nothing has changed then we need to just keep the distance as it is not fair on me. I do not want anything casual and I am not willing to demote myself from girlfriend to 'fallback' girl and unless he is ready for a simple relationship then he should have some respect for me and leave me alone as he knows how I feel about him. But why am I finding it so hard to say this? Is there another way I can put it?

 

Just really confused

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Why not just cut and paste what you've said here into a text? Or simply text him, "I need space, I need to heal, I will contact you when I am over the breakup." Then you delete and block him. If he's really serious about getting back together he'll find a way to do so and otherwise you save yourself a world of heartache by refusing, as you say, to be his fallback girl.

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Thank you guys. This is exactly what i have been thinking. If nothing has changed and he cares he would back off and if he is serious then he will find a way to step up. But i am finding it so hard to say this to him. I guess i am scared he will back off and it will confirm he doesnt want anything. I know its sad that i would want someone that cant give me what i want, it makes me feel so stupid and pathetic!

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Thank you guys. This is exactly what i have been thinking. If nothing has changed and he cares he would back off and if he is serious then he will find a way to step up. But i am finding it so hard to say this to him. I guess i am scared he will back off and it will confirm he doesnt want anything. I know its sad that i would want someone that cant give me what i want, it makes me feel so stupid and pathetic!

 

You're not stupid and pathetic. I think your exact same thoughts. All it means is that we are capable to love someone very, very much.

 

I think it is a good idea to text him that.

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What my brother always told me whenever I felt the way you did, "If someone wants to be with you, doesn't matter what happened or what was said, if someone really, honestly, truly, wants to be with you - they will be with you." And it's quite true. No matter what you say, in the end, if he was really going to fight for you and really try to win you back, nothing's gonna stop him. And if he really honestly doesn't want to be with you, nothing's gonna make him stay. But heck, if he ain't gonna stay, he ain't worth your time nor worthy of you anyway

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It WILL pass, but it will take time.

 

Meanwhile, you should take this as a lesson that you can't expect to heal while leaving the door open for him to contact you. It's time to get serious about protecting yourself. Make sure he's blocked -- online and on your phone. Stop making it so easy for him to yank your chain and send breadcrumbs -- which likely are only intended to ease his guilt and keep you as a backup plan.

 

Go ahead and block him, everywhere. Don't worry -- if he ever changes his mind and has something REALLY important to say, he'll find a way to say it.

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