Bf didn't really put much effort into Valentines Day...

[_Asti_]

You really think you Deserve to be with someone who doesn't care about making his girlfriend feel special? Someone who frequently lashes out at you for the silliest things (your history together is less than ideal and he sounds very hot tempered and aggressive towards you based on past posts)

 

If you think this is happy and lovey dovey and great and what you deserve... You need to work on yourslef and your self worth and stop playing the "we've been together 3 years" card and open your eyes to all the threads you've created in the past complaining about the same things over and over.

 

Take this relationship as a lesson in learning about yourslef and what you want and deserve from a partner. I could never imagine being treated this way and know I deserve to be with someone who actually cares about me.

[amethyst exchange]

I gotta say it's things like this that really make me angry about Valentine's Day. I'm sorry but it's quite the sham; that creates this entitled behavior...No one is required to do anything for Valentine's day...it's not even a proper holiday. It's sole purpose is to force couples to spend money unnecessarily.

 

That being said I did take the lady I see to a dinner and gave her a small gift. I spent $50 total...and I wasn't terribly happy about that, not because I don't want to do things for the lady I see but because the reason behind it is so empty and devoid of anything but baseless sentimentality.

 

I did end up setting up a really nice weekend at home with her though...

 

The point being that people who expect to get expensive things on Valentine's Day, jewelry, huge bouquets of roses, expensive dinners, are barking up the wrong tree. I mean I find it really hard to muster up the desire to do something on Valentine's Day, that doesn't translate into me not caring...but rather the nonsense of what 'Valentine's Day' is.

[CeeLambrini]

Coming in pretty late here, I know - I've read the whole thread and the advice given is spot on. We're very close in age but I had to learn the same way you did a few years ago with my 3 year relationship. We had also "been through a lot" and I also felt that "I deserved it" because I was told constantly by him that I was too high maintenance. I honestly believed that the reason I hated how awful he was to me in front of people was because I expected too much from him. That him being at least civil to me when he woke up in the morning (he was incredibly horrible in the morning - said he "wasn't a morning person" - oh so that's ok then) was me being "high maintenance". The first year we were together, I got a heartfelt card, a diamond V-day ring, and some flowers - and he surprise visited me by flying over to the country I was currently staying in. That was the first year - the first year was amazing. He was simply smitten. The years after that he completely changed - and every reason I was with him referred back to "first year him". It took me a long time to realise after he left me for another girl that we actually had nothing in common. We had the first year of romance which is what kept me with him. Him leaving me for someone else was harsh, but it's the best thing he ever did for me because now I am with someone who is romantic - every single day of the year. Never horrible to me, never calls me names, always recognises when I am upset and then goes out of his way to make me feel better.

There is much more to these situations than whether your boyfriend got you a bunch of flowers or not. You will never get those flowers, or the balloon.

Do yourself a huge favour and face every single thread you have made about him. Read them all and look at the constant pattern of disappointment, hurt feelings, and the same advice over and over. You think your relationship is special, that no one understands or knows how you feel, that no one can possibly imagine the love you two have. But it's not special and we do know how you feel - otherwise forums like these wouldn't exist. Most of us have been you, a lot of us may have been your boyfriend.

You clash and you're both in this because you can't imagine life without each other.

I swear right now your perfect man is walking this Earth and he hasn't even met you yet. He will make a huge deal out of Valentines day every year, he will give you gorgeous surprises on your anniversary and you will never make a thread like this again. If you don't want to free yourself and let him find you, you will be trapped in a loveless relationship and you will regret every second of your 20's if you waste them on him. I have a feeling however, that even after all this advice given to you about your relationship - your boyfriend is still going to end up walking out on you. Don't let that happen too late.

[laschenova]

OP You have a bad habit that is screaming out in this thread. It also tells us a lot about the root of your relationship issues.

 

Every time someone points out what you did wrong, you tell us all the horrible evil things your boyfriend has every done to try and elicit sympathy. We tell you , "Hey you guys are not a good match. You need to leave" And instead of addressing that issue, you divert attention by saying "Never mind, I deserve what I get." Or you try to elicit sympathy by pointing out his flaws. Relationships are 50/50.

 

You are being self pitying. You are not a real martyr, you just play one on tv. Let me explain. I can do this myself and used to be a lot like you! You are not a bad person, you have bad habits that set you up ok? Please TRY not to take this personally...no one is perfect! I bet your boyfriend does this too. Most people DO to some degree, some more than others.

 

You do these things because you can't stand to let anything be the way it is. Reality is upsetting to everyone but instead of replying to post with "Yeah I guess I do expect too much from my boyfriend. I have known he is this way for a long time, instead of breaking up I pester him and make it worse. Now we are to the point where our relationship is pretty much over. He treats me badly regardless and I deserve better." you instead go to "HE IS AN !!! He does all of these things to me!" or "I suck I deserve to be treated like ." You are avoiding reality. It is very, very unhealthy and dangerous.

 

You probably do not realize this, but you are doing this to avoid looking at your own actions. It is a defense mechanism. It keeps you miserable and it is actually a behavior that most people grow out of very early, but some of us get stuck emotionally. It is called "Splitting" or Black and White thinking. You can read about splitting on wikipedia.

 

Don't revert to "I hate you I am going to hurt myself now! It only hurts you and people don't have patience for that! It hurts to see you are not perfect. Hell it hurts everyone! But we can't all go around being the best at being abused and misunderstood. Yes that is a way to be perfect, "Ahh poor me! I never do anything wrong but nobody loves me! You are trying to be a martyr for attention and to feel superior. The thing is, it comes off to people outside of your head as ridiculous and stubborn. They can see that the world is not how you choose to view it and they see the motives more clearly than you do. It's easier for people not in the middle to see this.

 

Today you are an adult. If you choose to stay in a bad relationship you have only yourself to blame. No that does NOT mean you deserve to be yelled at or threatened. Not at all. It means that you are CHOOSING TO STAY WITH HIM. You can not change anyone. Ever. If I am with a man who calls me a , beats and rapes me, and I am financially able to leave and I do not, well it does NOT make it ok. Abuse is never ok. BUT, I have to love myself enough to leave! Do you see what I am saying?

 

Your situation is not that dire however. You are trying to change a man, he is a young guy and not so nice...so leave!

 

Also you need to look at the fact that you do provoke him by pouting about a "trinket to keep" I am sorry, but do you open up a Christmas Present from your Aunt and sigh, and say "I really like it but I wish you had put more thought into it...I got you all that stuff and I try so hard!"

 

Trust me, I get it. I have to work on this daily to keep things in balance. Now I avoid relationships where I am not happy or well matched. It feels really good to go on a few dates, the guy is perfectly nice but something is not right. Say he is controlling or has a mean streak So I stop seeing him before it becomes an issue. I do not try to fix it. If a guy I am dating "dumps" me, I do not freak out like I used to, because I used to settle for anyone and I assumed the same for others.

 

I am very sorry if this offends you but you really need to stop being a victim. You are only bringing unhappiness to your life this way!

 

You do deserve a good relationship. If you are not happy, leave. It REALLY is THAT simple!