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2 years and 2 months on and I can't get over him


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I'm new to this and it's going to be a very long post so please bear with me


Back in September 2002 when I was 17 I started my first year at college, I remember walking into a classroom for my first lesson/lecture, we were all strangers in that class but all became friends very quickly, I remember walking up to a table where 4 guys (boys) were sitting, I said "hello" to them all and they all replied and one of them got up and walked to another table with me where we sat down and waited for our first lesson/lecture to start, as the days, weeks and months went on we got talking and he used to wait for me outside the college every morning so we could walk in together, I really liked this guy and we became best friends, he was 18.

In January 2003 I won tickets to a meet and greet with the band Busted, I rang all my friends asking if they wanted to come and meet them with me but they all said "no" so as a last resort I asked this guy and to my surprise he said "yes" he drove all the way over here (he lived 40 minutes away from me) and we got the train up to London together, on the train up there we just talked about college and said that it was great that everyone in the class was friends with one another, we had a great time hanging out with Busted and we had photos taken with them and they signed CDs and other things for us, on the train home we talked some more about where we had just been and what a great time we had, he had left his car at my house and before he got in he said "thank you" to me and then asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said "no" he seemed delighted and gave me a long hug and a kiss on the cheek, then he just got in the car and drove home, when he got home he texted me saying "thank you again and see you at college on Monday" I replied and went to sleep a very happy girl.

Monday came around and I woke up early and couldn't wait to go to college, when I got there he was waiting for me as usual and we smiled at each other and on the way to class he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said "yes" straight away, for the rest of the college year we would sit together in all our classes and go out after college and every Sunday cos I had a part time job and worked every Saturday and one night in the week.

In April 2003 just before my 18th birthday I invited him over to my house to meet my parents and my brother, they all seemed to get along, after a few hours my parents and my brother went out leaving us alone together, we had wanted to have sex with each other for ages so we went up to my bedroom put on a CD that he had made me and had sex, it was good for my first time even though it wasn't his first time but he made me feel so special, loved and wanted I had fallen in love with him and we said "I love you" to each other that night.

We were so happy and we used to spend lots of time together and with our friends from college we also met each others other friends and I met his family in May 2003 and they really liked me and I really liked them and I used to go over there a lot.

At the end of May 2003 the first year at college finished and his parents asked him to get a full time job and I stayed on at college for another 3 years, we stayed together and spent time together and with our friends when neither of us were at work and in August 2003 we got engaged and we really were a very happy couple. We stayed together from January 2003 until September 2011 but in the beginning of 2011 he lost his job so my brother got him a job where he worked and that's when our relationship started to have problems my brother turned on him and seemed determined to split us up and in September 2011 it's like he had won cos he dumped me cos people had been spreading rumours about me cos I had a lot of male friends and people at his workplace used to say that I was sleeping with them that wasn't true we were just really good friends and he knew that cos we all used to go out together, I went on holiday in April 2008 for my 23rd birthday with one of my male friends just me and him for our birthdays (we share the same birthday and we are exactly the same age) nothing happened between us two but that's obviously why the rumours started but why start the rumours three years later? Between September 2011 and Boxing Day 2011 we tried to make it work but it wasn't the same and Boxing Day 2011 was the last time that we heard from each other, we haven't seen or spoken to each other since. In September 2011 I met another guy online and we got talking and went out most weekends just as friends and on January 1st 2012 we got into a relationship that only lasted for a year and nine months, in September 2013 he dumped me by text message and just said he didn't feel the chemistry between us anymore, 5 months on and I still miss and think about this guy but it's my first love, my now ex fiancé that I miss the most.

It's now 11 and a half years since that first day at college and I don't want to live anymore cos he was my first love, my now ex fiancé that made my life worth living, we spent birthdays, Valentines Days and Christmases together, we all went out in a group for days and nights out together, our friends, his friends and my friends and our families, we went on holidays together, planned our wedding and even said our vows to each other obviously they weren't official, we planned to get married here in the UK in August 2013 and then start our new life in Ibiza that was our dream for years, he promised me that we were like Romeo and Juliet that he couldn't live without me and he would never find anyone else, well he has and they are getting married in June this year (2014) whilst I am here living with my parents wondering why I bother to wake up everyday, I'm nearly 29 years old, single with no kids cos I wanted and still want a family with him but he hates me, I sent him an email in May 2013 telling him how I felt and his girl had the cheek to reply and told me to leave them alone, that he hates me and they are getting married and she won't ever let us be friends or have any kind of contact with each other not even through mutual friends.

I really can't take this anymore, I only wake up for my job and music but my music is limited cos most of it reminds me of him so I've forced myself to listen to different bands and artists, I hardly watch TV or films cos everything reminds me of him, all my friends are paired up now and some have got kids so I never go out now or see anyone unless I'm at work, my life is so pointless and I don't want to live it anymore, I would give anything to talk to him or see him again, I've tried moving on but no-one wants to know me but then again I am ugly and have a full time dead end job in a supermarket, even that reminds me of him cos he used to drop me off and pick me up some evenings and even just come in some days just to see me, I just don't know what to do anymore..............

Sorry for the length of this post.

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