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It's been 10 months, why do I still feel so empty


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It's been 10 months since the breakup, she told me she didn't love me anymore and dumped me while I was jobless and depressed. We lived together for 5 years.

I guess the part that hurts the most is how I never saw it coming. To this day I still don't get how I could have been so invested in the relationship and she wasn't and not even realise it.

I'm out with friends and family being physically active, keeping busy but I still feel empty on the inside. Having her by my side always made me feel complete like there was a point to this thing called life.

Is this what it feels like to have the very fibres of your soul torn to shreds, can someone ever comeback from this and not look at themselves in the mirror with self loathing.

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Yes, you CAN and WILL recover completely from this breakup. You'll go on to be happy. You'll even fall in love again.

 

Will it happen in 10 months? Clearly, no. It hasn't happened in that time frame.

 

Will it happen in 2 years? Possibly.

 

Does it really matter so much if it takes you that many more months to recover? You're already on the path to recovery. Just because you haven't yet reached your destination doesn't mean you NEVER will. It only means you're not there yet.

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First Off I wont tell you the same " youll fall in love again blah blah blah" all the idealism that seems to be the primary thought of adults so eluded by the concept portrayed in simple novels and movies and so intricately a part of society its rather sickening really...

Be realistic.. First off I put myself in your exes position, My ex had invested so much effort and time and patience where I disregarded any of it too selfish to see the reality of his sacrifices and only on my insecurities.

what you do is realize you ARE too good for that person, you grew while they stayed in the Gollum mode selfishly seeking only their gratification.

You're a good person and do deserve to be happy.

Realize that you are whole fill your life with things that make YOU happy like reading or art anything that you can attribute to individuality of yourself.

instead of looking into the mirror and seeing this monster instead look and say this chant " I'm worth so much more", When I put the last straw that broke the camels back, It took a lot to no longer see the monster that ruined everything and I felt very much like you do.

Its how you start mentally that causes you to have set backs or progress. YOU should never allow the bad thoughts to creep in like that otherwise youll never get shut eye. now when something becomes a part of everyday life it becomes reality, telling yourself you're beautiful will cause you to see the beauty and will allow others to see it as well.

The Law of attraction does work, I was skeptical but that's all it is. You deserve so much more as a person you shouldn't limit your self worth into a small minded perspective.

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It's been 10 months since the breakup, she told me she didn't love me anymore and dumped me while I was jobless and depressed. We lived together for 5 years.

 

I guess the part that hurts the most is how I never saw it coming. To this day I still don't get how I could have been so invested in the relationship and she wasn't and not even realise it.

 

I don't think you will really grow from this break up if you don't take responsibility for your part and use that as a catalyst for change.

 

Here is what you said in previous posts.

 

Hi recent dumpee here. I got the i love you but are not in love with you anymore from girlfriend of 5 years, times were tough and i stopped showing the love and affection she deserved because i was depressed and jobless for about 3 months. Its no excuse for my actions, but i have learnt alot from the breakup and where my faults as a boyfriend lie.

 

So where do i begin, i guess for starters im going on 3 months post breakup, we were together for 5 years and broke up once for a week a year before the second breakup. I got the i love you but am not in love with you, im not the right woman for you etc both times. The relationship was a good one i guess with its ups and downs but what relationship doesnt. The reason for the first break up kind of mimics the second but i dont think she is coming back this time. Basically i got depressed the first time round and started neglecting her and playing on my computer as a bit of an escape from it all.

 

First time depression was triggered by some really bad family issues that got the two of us involved , second time depression was i was unable to find a job. Had been unemployed for about 2 months before it set in and was unemployed for a total of 5-6 months. I am an electrician with alot of extra qualifications so it was really hard to come to terms i couldnt get work and that most people didnt want to know me cause i was just out of my time. Ended up having to move in with her parents after about a month and a half of that it was over. She supported me through it all we and tried to get me involved with her and her parents on the farm, i was too depressed to enjoy it for what it was, was beating myself up because i was the reason we had to go back to her parents and she had to deal with her jerk stepdad. It was her dream to one day have a place like her parents and i think her seeing me act that way made her think i didnt want the same dream and wouldnt work for it that and the increased neglect and being unable to get my together kind of sealed the deal. I wanted every part the same dream as her and i had been working hard for it my whole apprenticeship.

 

Now i know i did kind of deserve it , but in the same token i didnt. I was a good boyfriend. I was always loving, never yelled or hit her, cared for her when she was sick, cleaned the house and did what i could to care for her. She was suffering from depression for a few months during the 3rd year of the relationship and showed that she was attempting/considering suicide some really crazy. But i stuck it out and helped her through it because i loved her and im not the kind of guy to bail on someone just because things are hard to the point of heartbreaking. Every fibre of my body said leave u cant deal with this anymore but i stayed and helped her neverless. Her depression had been about prior to us ever dating.

 

If ever you wonder why your relationship ended, read this. To me, it was pretty clear that you both had serious depression issues and that may have fed negatively into each other.

 

If you didn't see it coming, it was because you had your head buried in the sand.

 

Relationships that build towards marriage are about mutual growth and building. It seems like the pattern of depression was too much for her and not the dream that she had for her life ... as life is filled with ups and downs but it's your thoughts and attitude that determines how you will stay resilient emotionally.

 

This break up is a gift. A gift to help you hone in on your professional goals, to start to fulfill your own dreams, to gain some better coping skills through therapy. It shows you were you need to stay proactive instead of expecting a partner to stick around while you stagnate.

 

At the very least, I would encourage you to get therapy.

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Is this what it feels like to have the very fibres of your soul torn to shreds, can someone ever comeback from this and not look at themselves in the mirror with self loathing.
Uhm, yes. Just about everyone that has ever had a relationship come to an end either through death or breakup has comeback from it and has gone on to live a happy, joyful life with someone new or as a single who has love of self. It's the "love of self" that is the most important so work on your relationship with YOU and forget the past. No sense looking in the rear view mirror when you have a clear road ahead.

 

If you need professional help to guide you in learning how to be joyful again then don't be afraid to get it. You'll enjoy learning to be the best you that you can be.

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