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Need encouragement guys!!


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So i haven't been on here in over a month because I've been focusing on school, my career goals, friends, family, and especially myself. I feel like I've been trying to go out more and put an effort into having fun and living in the now and not in the anxiety of "what's going to happen next?"

 

I've been almost 3 months broken up, 1 month NC. My last straw was when he wanted to let me know that he slept with someone else. And then went on to say he wasn't sure if it was a mistake. I told him to never speak to me again because I didn't deserve this treatment. And I feel like I've had enough anger and sadness pent up inside me to keep me motivated to move on and enough self respect to understand I deserve better than an emotionally abusive relationship.

 

But for some reason, I woke up today feeling like complete crap. I kept thinking, "He has everything he's wanted. Why am I not getting everything I want when I'm working so hard? He literally seems so happy partying and sleeping around. What? The three years we had together was nothing? How did I stay with someone who treated me that poorly and even when I got out of it, how do I still feel this crummy?" Usually if I ever had an off day I just get up, shower, and start on some errands, but even when I did that, I had this immense sinking feeling inside of me, thinking "I'm putting in 110% to be positive and move on, but why do I feel like I'm not seeing the results?" I keep telling myself that healing takes much longer than just the time span I've been in so far and that it'll take as long as it will, just keep working hard, being kind, and life will soon get better. But urgh, I just can't get the negative thoughts from overrunning my mind today!!

 

Any encouragement would be great guys

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First of all i want to say im sorry that youre feeling so down today, sometimes for whatever reason we just have these off days. Im really impressed though by how much initiative your putting forth in taking charge of your life. As much as it pains us people change, it sucks a lot that something that they cherished can become something they are apathetic about. I for one believe some day some one will come into your life who makes you understand what dedication and mature loving relationships are. So ive decided to keep being positive and keep putting forth the effort to take charge of my life, because when i meet that person... i want to be the best version of me for them.

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Here's to better days--you'll have them. I can tell you that it's not helpful to decide that ex is all happy and fabulous. The whole point of NC is to stay insulated from contact, news about him, social media--and then you won't be bombarded with inputs you need to process and adjust to all the time.

 

Meanwhile, it does no good to invent those inputs yourself and imagine best case scenarios for him while you suffer. Skip that. Decide instead that he'll recognize his jerkdom at some point and regret it, if he doesn't already, and when he's not pretending all is great, he'll do his fair share of suffering, too.

 

You get to pick your own self talk. Use it wisely.

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You nailed the positive things about yourself right off the bat when it comes to how hard you're working and everything, but you should leave it at that. The results WILL come. Just because they're not here today doesn't mean they won't be, which I'm sure you know about already, having gone a month without contact. You've probably experienced a handful of decent days but today just sounds like one of those down days and I'm glad you came on here for encouragement because honestly, you'll come accross many encouraging people with different perspectives to offer you and it won't all be the same generic advice, so take solace in knowing that while emotional suffering may take on different forms, there is a common occurrence of people getting through it and you will be one of those people who comes out better for it.

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The best I can offer is this. You are absolutely, completely, normal. The up and down process you're going through - it's your mind and body's way of hitting you with it in manageable amounts, with time to breathe in between. Unfortunately, it does mean it takes time to work through the lot of it. You're doing what you need to - just keep your head up and know things will look better again, and soon.

 

Do something little for yourself that you take physical pleasure in - and focus on how it feels, however brief. Yes, that includes masturbating if it works for you. But anything that feels GOOD physically will release some endorphins and give you something to focus on to get through this.

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Thank you for all the replies. I ended up getting myself out of my room and getting lunch and I've just been trying to keep myself busy. I absolutely hate when I have these off days because it really messes with your mind into thinking negative thoughts like "you're not going to get over this. How could you?"

 

Catfeeder, you are completely right. It's hard though to be honest, to not just think that man they are just having the time of their life without you while you're sitting here feeling crummy as heck. I deleted him off of all my social media and I don't really go on facebook anymore. I did find out some things from him through mutual friends who slipped (in which I told them that if they were gonna be friends with the both of us, they had to understand how to separate the two: when they're with me, they're with me and my ex does not exist and vice versa). It's just really hard to let go but I am working on it every single day because I need to be happy for myself.

 

And to be quite honest, I'm working through some of the psychological damage he did to me and the way he always put me down to making me think no one would ever love me nor want me. It makes it a bit harder when i go out and meet people because sometimes his comments slip through into my mind and my self esteem is shattered.

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