I am always at the vengeful receiving end off Jealousy... WHY?!?!?!

[MorbidMetalHead87]

When I was younger. As high school go there was always rivalry. Not for my popularity and for my many admirers. I was bullied in school not queen bee. But I was targeted cause I had naturally blonde hair and was thin. Two stereotypical features girls in our culture crave. And apparently I was pretty? Good looking? Even if I was strange. I did not give a damn back then about looks. But it was enough to make them give a damn... That and the fact I apparently had a good life with nice rich parents, and good grades and reputation at school, made me a target for the jealous. They did not know my full story and would have appreciated there life more if they knew the truth.

 

Today past and present demons aside, I am confident enough to be out there and have a social life. But I never understood jealousy and now seem to be the target off it.

 

A girl before she even met me called me a downgrade, why? Because me and the boy she has had her eye on liked each other. People were calling us a couple before we were a couple cause we have always gotten along so well. So at her 21st before me and him were officially a couple. He got begged to go to her 21st he does not like her as a person even so he did not want to go for that reason and drama that was in that group off people. I told people I was going too. And when people found out I was going too. They told her I was his gf. (Not yet but...) She then told me I was no longer allowed to come. When he got to the party she called me a downgrade... That he had low standards. And spread around the rumor that I was a downgrade. I for ages asked people “what is even meant by a downgrade?” She at the time had a Boyfriend herself...

 

Fast forward into the future. Me and him become officially together and happy. Not that we need peoples approval to have that. I discover that she was the one that started called me a downgrade and I am like “who is she??? have I actually met her” I found out that on several occasions in the past she has hit on him with being rejected. Not cause off how she is seen as fat and ugly but cause she is not a very nice person, not very intelligent or mature, and is rather possessive actually... I even got a feeling she may have liked him when he was being forced to go and he was like “Yeah I don't know why she likes me, she is stuck up with everyone else” and he said he did not see her as a friend or whatever she just seemed to really like him. I looked down on her for this not cause I feel she is competition. Cause... well read above ^^^ I am just so angry at the lengths she has gone to break us apart which has brought us closer together and hurting people all for the sake off something she can never have. I just do not see what this accomplishes, then again I do not really get jealousy... So can someone help me? Please? I have an issue with angry and hate right now that I see her as pathetic and sad doing these stunts that are annoying and just conjure up drama.

 

Recently it was my boyfriends birthday. Me and him do not have our relationship status's set on FB, who else needs to know besides each other though? His birthday came up and the Jealous girl... came uninvited and unwanted... My boyfriend saw her approach and went “Who told her about this party” and groaned and rolled his eyes, Sounds snobby but she is really that horrible to people. And understandably those people are not good company you want to keep. And she seemed Genuinely scared off me... People told them about me and that I was his gf. She recently broke up with her boyfriend who is a friend off my boyfriend... I know she has being trying to sleep with a lot off his friends lately. And the poor guy was at the party knowing the reasoning for her coming. But she saw me and knew who I was, that I was the girl she called a downgrade, and that I was his gf, if no one told her. She would have guessed it with all the kisses and hugs I kept giving him. (Not that was why I gave those to him, she should not stop us from being a couple or to prove it) People said she was giving me death stares but when she saw I was looking she looked scared and looked away. I was furious at her. As I said. No competition. Just at how utterly pathetic and sad this was to watch. And her over involvement cause pain and drama in the past. I would have felt sorry for her if she had not attacked my character in the past. The thing is now that people have found out who called me a down grade and who the girl was who she called a downgrade people are laughing at her... Because apparently I am hotter... like back in high school not that I care about that. So people apparently give her a hard time for that now. And everyone who has interacted and spoken to both off us say I have a better personality. I was so angry at her that I let it get the better off me and asked her to leave aggressively... Saying “So your the one saying I am a downgrade? It is not your business if me and him are together or not any ways, So why try to treat us apart?” She denied these claims. And is a terrible liar. In this order said. “But we all were saying you were a lovely girl” Another girl I had never ever met also said this... to “Who are you again?” to “Why would I say that about a girl I do not even know” and to “What’s your name...” Would make more sense if asked in a different order too...

 

“But I do not hang out with (Insert name) he seems like an okay guy but that is it... I guess” I looked at her like she could not tell a lie to save her life then because she invited herself to his party... That night I confronted her. She has hit on him as I said. The drama I conjured up was not good I felt embarrassed after. She refused to leave as well. For doing that at his party. I was so angry at her though I could not control it. What scares me is I could have gotten violent. And I am not a violent person. I HATE VIOLENCE. Just that much ignorance was hard for me to tolerate. I just looked at her like “I can not believe you let yourself be this pathetic” And keep in mind I do not understand jealously... You think I am jealous... Know. I despite ignorance, cruelty and people getting too involved in peoples relationships. I recently had a 4 year relationship end due to someone else's over involvement. And Jealously is rare for me. And seldom with someone who does not hang out with your or show interest. So what is the point? From an emotional or logical point off view, Really?

 

I still felt like I was embarrassing myself. But I was breathing heavily and nearly crying I was so angry at her.

 

Latter in the night after being told off by my BF and his best friend... Which did not help either.

 

I saw her leave (At last!) And she gave me a look as she hugged him goodbye... That is all I saw but I glared at her back like. “Well... do you really expect this to end well? For anyone? Including yourself?” He does not like you I sat there wondering how this was ever going to get through to her so she could leave us alone. Watching her humiliated may be fun I guess. But I just want her to leave us alone.

 

Latter on I found out she went home crying as she said to my bf after she hugged him saying to him “it is good to see you” and my boyfriend in his drunk state off mind started being honest to her. Saying “Your never going to get in my pants give up” amongst other things, like possibly, “you were not even invited, I am annoyed at who ever told you about this party” and “I hate you more after what you did to my gf” he is too shy, polite and nice to say when sober. My friend saw this and saw her get really really really upset. Before she went home crying. I told him this and he was like "She cried, for not being able to get in my pants?" looking really confused like "Really?" if she was a nice girl or/and an ex. I may have felt bad for her. And told him to be nicer. I am friends with two girls he use to date. Because so long as they are nice? Right? And I trust him. But she went to these lengths to hurt me and us... And I can not stand this.

 

I know she is suffering enough now, due to people laughing at her, at the whole comparing our hotness factor and her putting herself in that situation calling me a downgrade, which that think is hilarious for her to call anyone a downgrade let alone me... a girl considered hot apparently, To be honest I do not think she is that bad looking, but has a very horrible personality. And as for my looks? I still do not care. high school did not end there for me. And being disgusted at her trying to break us up... And the fact is.. I am terrifying when angry. I hate how immature this all is... In how both me and her are acting. Everyone is normally more mature than this. And less idiotic even when there is drama. I just find my angry scares me a lot in this. I feel like I may do more than being silly at a social event like last time even though that too is not a pleasant possibility. People tell me all the time there is no competition even if she was hot and / or a decent person cause he seems very fond off me and happy around me. And I tell them “That is actually what makes me so angry. There is literally no chance for her. And she feels she needs to destroy a good relationship and hurt two good people... For something SHE WILL NEVER EVER HAVE”

 

Me getting involved in this Drama has made him nervous. He hates all this past drama being brought up. But I want her to stop following him to social events... Me there or not. It is frustrating. How can I control my anger? It may end up with me hurting her... badly. Not just emotionally or socially. Which is bad too. Ignorance is not easy for me to handle. How can I deal with this. I. Need. Help. Before. I. KILL! HER!

[savignon]

I can't really follow why you're this angry. It's extremely childish to be this dramatic in your 20s (on both parts) ...if she's in the same social circle, which it seems she is, just don't engage with her. Don't talk to her. Don't look at her. Don't talk about her to other people. Be the bigger person and get over it. Your bf isn't into her so she's only causing the drama you allow her to. Going on about yourself and what a loser she is just makes you seem bitter, angry and extremely vain. She is a nobody to you...so don't let her have any more than "none" of your attention, energy, chatter, etc.

[MorbidMetalHead87]

Well I can not really control my anger. And am asking tips on how to. Even if my anger is misunderstood, I guess I am childish for getting emotional. But I am also human and have my limits and am not going to be perfect. And honestly I guess I am just fed up. I know how I seem but if I can not get her to go away I need to control my anger.

[Iggy5129]

You were not honest or blunt enough with her. You played games and acted immature. The mature thing to do would be to have a sober one on one conversation with her calmly confronting her behavior. Don't yell or insult her, just tell her that her behavior is inappropriate and she will save herself a lot of embarrassment by stopping it. You shouldn't be angry, you should feel sorry for her. Since you can't avoid seeing her you need to talk to her so you can at least be amicable and avoid future drama.

 

On a side note you state way too much that you "don't care" about your looks and everyone is jealous of you, it comes off a little vain.

[MorbidMetalHead87]

You were not honest or blunt enough with her. You played games and acted immature. The mature thing to do would be to have a sober one on one conversation with her calmly confronting her behavior. Don't yell or insult her, just tell her that her behavior is inappropriate and she will save herself a lot of embarrassment by stopping it. You shouldn't be angry, you should feel sorry for her. Since you can't avoid seeing her you need to talk to her so you can at least be amicable and avoid future drama.

 

Not going to work... Trust me. I need help dealing with anger itself...

 

On a side note you state way too much that you "don't care" about your looks and everyone is jealous of you, it comes off a little vain.

 

It does not matter. But it frustrates me this much... I just want her to go away.

[blackgnat]

We get it. You are hot. Stop going on about that.

 

Wanting her to go away isn't just going to happen because you want it to. Get over your obsession with her, try to avoid her and be happy that you have your boyfriend. This other girl is probably suffering because of what went on the other night.

 

So if you feel petty enough to take pleasure in that, then there's your "reward".

[Liraele]

You can control your anger. There are many different ways to do so. Find one that works for you.

 

The only thing in this situation that you have control over is your reaction. You can't control what others say about you. You can't control what they think/do/say. What they do/think/say isn't really important, and the only effect this girl can have on you is the effect you allow her to have.

[MorbidMetalHead87]

Liraele Thank you so much for giving me a direct answer that was actually the advice I asked for and does make sense.

 

As for the rest off you...

Gee how the does anyone explain this train wreck in acting so immature to prove how immature I am? I mean where the do I begin. Your all judging someone so intensely who you have never truly met in person. *Sarcastic claps* And yeah fine I go on about how hot I am... I was asking for advice. Not about appearance I was very angery when I posted this. Over a rather upsetting situation. Try to understand I am human not a flippin robot.