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Friend request sent to first boyfriend on valentines....ek


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After a long talk with my friend she suggested I re-friend my first proper boyfriend on facebook today...

 

Sounds weird I know, but I basically de-friended him after I saw him at my brother's funeral and I just had this feeling he was trying to avoid me a bit and that hurt, even though he was nice enough to come after we had not seem/spoken in over five years. I think it would be nice if we were still in contact anyway but it has started me thinking now....

 

He is the only good relationship I have ever had. He's the only one I ever really properly loved and loved me back. I don't know if he's with anyone, I think he might be but who knows. I just don't seem to be able to have that sort of relationship with anyone else, and I have gone out with ALOT of people.

 

He might not even respond to the friend request but I'm already thinking about it...

 

I don't think this was a bad thing to have done personally as I have looked for people with traits like him in many relationships and maybe this is an area of my life I never moved on from.

 

I just wish I could have this with someone else really, what we had, as I think it's bad to think back to the past....it's frustrating though. No one has ever come close. Why?

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A long time ago, six years or something. I was just very young and wanted to meet new people basically. He stuck around through me leaving him and going off with people, just hoping I would come back and I did. Then I think it was just too much for him and he had been too hurt. Sadly...by the point I realised it was only him I wanted. I understand him leaving me, I really do. It was a crazy time and I just wanted to be having fun with my friends mainly. But I did love him and I feel like now I'm a grown up and don't want to go off with people anymore I'd like to meet someone like him. He cared about me more than any of my other exes. He really did. It seems to be a hard thing to find.

 

And obviously because of my more recent break up with a highly likely borderline and emotionally abusive guy it's nice to think about a good relationship I had with a good person who didn't manipulate me, change me, go into uncontrollable rages at me...but you know, the old ex isn't perfect either I get that. I sometimes think the relationship with my recent ex continued because I felt I deserved to be treated badly because of the guilt I have for the old ex and how that went. But it wasn't all my fault, he would sort of neglect me a fair amount and I remember feeling lonely in the relationship. Sigh...sigh...super sigh.

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I know exactly what you mean. Honestly I don't think there would be any harm in contacting him again. The relationship ended because you wanted to grow up, find yourself and it's been 6 years. Enough time has passed where you can completely start again as two new people, without any of the hurt left over (hopefully).

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I think he might have a girlfriend. I remember seeing photos of him with someone years ago and then when we saw each other at the funeral he had to go to go and clean an oven which I think is a bit suspicious in that it sounds like he could still have a girlfriend. However that was two years ago now. It would be nice to be friends though anyway actually. I really do think that now.

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I don't think sending a friend request on Facebook is understood to mean you want to be friends let alone good friends. If you want to start a friendship then contact him in a way that's direct - a phone call or possibly a personal email address where you explain the reason you are contacting him. If you know he has a girlfriend then I wouldn't contact him out of respect for them.

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Well, I don't know that's the thing! I know what you mean though, if he did i wouldn't want to pester hi which is why I removed him off facebook after the funeral. I got suspicious.

 

I could text him? I have his number. I don't know what I would say to be honest. I could say "I hope you're doing well? I don't know if you noticed but I unfriended you on facebook after the funeral this was because I felt like you felt a bit uncomfortable seeing me and I thought it might be best to leave you alone. It's been a while now and I'm a more together since funeral and I thought I'd just explain that to you so you didn't think I hated you or something. I don't hate you, it was very nice to see you infact."

 

Is that good?

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Yeah you worded it in a way that doesn't sound as emotional. That's good. Shouldn't I explain the facebook thing though? I guess he could always ask about that if he was curious anyway.

 

Yes, he could. Texting is not supposed to be emotional and tone can be misinterpreted - if you want to be his friend then being overly emotional about it will probably annoy him.

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