Jump to content

Help! -- porn and boyfriend


helpme1988

Recommended Posts

So, my boyfriend and I live together and been dating over a year. Our sex life has seem to always have issues. It's gotten a little better over the months but still not where I want it to be. Recently I found out he has been jacking off to porn more then once a week typically, but he is hardly ever in the mood for sex it seems when I'm around. I typically have to try and get him in the mood usually. He doesn't want to have sex two nights in a roll but yet one night we had sex and the next day I found out he had masturbated to porn. I am very sexually healthy and would love to make love more to him because I prefer that over masturbation and I have told him all this. He says he only does this when I'm away but I have caught him before doing it a hour or so after I fall asleep, instead of waking me up like I'd prefer or being in the mood whenever I'm awake. I don't mind porn and I can understand needing that release every once in awhile. But it seems like he's doing it a lot considering the fact we have sex only twice a week, three times on real rare occasions, which I'd prefer more but to me he seems like he'd rather jack off then make love to me. I mean if you have a woman willing to please you anytime you want and she's around.. but you jack off instead isn't that a problem? He says he's always stressed from work or too tired and it's hard to get in the mood. But he has to be in the mood to start watching porn right? I notice he's always looking up porn stars names and that concerns me that since he's so in to that, that's the main thing that can turn him on. I am an pretty attractive girl a lot of ppl say but I don't have big breast though and I think that's what he really is into cause he's looked up stuff like "big breast pornstars" and crap like that which hurts me.... There's been times when he'll be watching tv or playing a video game and I'll walk into the room only in bra and panties trying to get his attention and he seems never to pay attention to that too. I'm scared porn is going to ruin this relationship and I hate being that kind of person, cause I am not anti-porn just anti-porn when it's getting in the way of our sex life. I've even offered to watch porn with him and he says he's embarrassed by it. I don't know what else to do.. he said he was going to delete all the porn off his phone after our last conversation but i went on his phone to check and see, and it was all still there... which I never asked him to delete it, i dont care as long as he is full feeling my needs too and he's taking care of me but the fact he said he was going to and didn't bugs me.. the fact he's jacking it that often and yet not wanting to have sex makes me feel like he's not that into my body or doesn't find me as attractive as he said he does. I've never had this problem EVER with any guys I've dated. They've always made me feel wanted in that sexually way.. but he doesn't, and when he does its rare. He says that he doesn't need sex that much and he could go long periods of time without it, but could he go that long without porn.. and i asked him that and he hesitated and said "if thats what you really wanted" I think it might be a slight addict. I want to make love more and him jack off less.. I've started resenting him, even though I do love him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is quite the annoyance... you two have different expectations for your sex life and that in itself is an issue, and of course neglecting your needs is another big problem as well. It's no wonder you've begun to resent him, I would too if I were you. I'm incredibly sexual, and so is my man. We both admit to watching porn and masturbating here and there but never does it get in the way of our sex life, not one bit.

 

He doesn't want to change his lifestyle... I don't really know what to tell you honey, you just have to ask yourself if this is something you can learn to get over or if it'll continue to fester. I wouldn't put up with it though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are incompatible.

Him watching porn and masturbating is a sexual release.

Having sex with you is something he has to be in the mood for..

 

And he just doesn't want it as much as you.

If you took away the porn...it would not up his desire to have.sex

They are two entirely different things.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are incompatible.

Him watching porn and masturbating is a sexual release.

Having sex with you is something he has to be in the mood for..

 

And he just doesn't want it as much as you.

If you took away the porn...it would not up his desire to have.sex

They are two entirely different things.

 

 

I would argue the opposite mhowe (gasp

 

 

if he stopped watching porn, is sex drive WOULD go up, physiologically

 

 

the fact that he has an attractive and willing girlfriend, but yet chooses pixels is the problem

 

 

 

My guess is 4 things:

 

One, perhaps the initiation of sex with you is difficult (which it doesn't sound like it is)

 

two, he's lazy...he finds it easier to please himself... (leave him, trust me someone will happily make you their sex goddess)

 

three, he is unhealthy and has a low libido from being overweight, inactive, low testosterone from diet, etc (probably not, but it's a possibility)

 

four, there is underlying issues in the relationship, and sex is a symptom (although this is usually the case for women not men [but maybe I am wrong])

 

 

Just my two cents!

 

Even though I argue one point is different, I think either he shapes up quick or you leave him, so in the end we agree! *phewww

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He told me he would stop it if I really wanted him to.. but I don't know if that is true or not. I would love for him to go a whole month without porn to see if that improves our sexual relationship but I don't know if he would go along with it, especially after he told me he was going to delete everything off his phone and come to find out he did not.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The guy likes porn. He doesn't see the link between it and your flailing sex life.

He's happy jerking off with occasional real sex with you.

He's not interested in your pleasure, your needs or your satisfaction.

 

You two are sexually incompatible and he's selfish.

 

You can waste a lot of time trying to change him but in all likelihood he won't really change and you'll probably create conflict without improving your sex life.

 

I wouldn't bother personally.

 

(Btw: please use paragraphs - a large block of text is extremely difficult and irritating to read.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I disagree that it's the porn that's the issue. My guess is that sex with you requires intimacy, which is very different than masturbating to porn.

 

Removing the porn may not increase his desire to be intimate with you, which is different than just having sex with you.

 

Which leads so my conclusion (opinion, of course) that either he has intimacy problems accross the board, or he has intimacy issues specifically with you.

 

Neither bodes well for the future of the relationship, though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know how u feel. I found out an ex of mind would occasionaly masturbate to porn rather than have sex with his willing girlfriend who was in the other room. We had a good and frequent sex life but he still felt the need to do that. All I can think is that when a guy does this he is feelin lazy and wants to have an orgasm without workin at givin his gf one as well. Either that or like someone else said its an intimacy issue or he wants to feel like he is havin sex with smeone else because he is bored with havin sex with one person. Some people are not satified with one person and this could be his outlet rather than cheatin which is better but if you are not happy and he is not willin to change u need to find someone else.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know I mean he loves me, he says he wants to marry me and everything like that. He has only had sex one other time before me. Again we have been together though a year and a half. He told me after our last fight he will not be watching porn anymore because of how i feel... I think it's cause he is lazy.. I don't know what else it could be? But I hope things change cause I dont know if I could live life like that. Always feeling second best... Anytime I have a problem he does try to resolve it though and he always tells me he wouldn't want anyone else and that he is turned on by me and stuff like that... he has told me he does lust for me and stuff..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He told me after our last fight he will not be watching porn anymore because of how i feel...

 

It's highly likely that he's telling you what he thinks you want to hear..

 

Maybe you two just have mismatched sex drives. There's multiple dimensions of sexual compatibility. It's not just about how frequently you like to have sex, but also how strongly do you desire sex with a partner. If someone has a high desire for the physical sensation of getting off but low desire for partnered intimacy then they may prefer to "rub on out" more often than initiating sex with another person.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...