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Mutual feelings, but still a no go


Strudel

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Hello everyone,

 

This forum looked like my only way to open my heart and to ask for some advice.

 

A few days ago it got quite cozy between me and my best friend (we do everything together but it always seemed I was just a cuddle buddy). I already had some feelings for her but then after a sudden movement it got quiet, cozy quiet. Out of the blue she began confessing her feelings for me, my heart began pounding like never before, I was so incredibly happy... we were. The day after we met up again and we just had the time of our lives.

 

But, she has a boyfriend on the other side of the world. We're just students, there's absolutely no chance at all that this could work, there's no possible future for them and he can't even get here because of the law over there. (We live in Europe, he in South-America).

 

But then, yesterday, everything changed. It was like someone had talked to her, influenced her, she wasn't herself. She became rather distant and cold. I knew this wasn't her so I confronted her with it. She admitted that she was just playing cold, I know her too well for this. She wants to know if her long distance relationship will work and she wants to keep me as a friend, she won't let me be the one for her although the emotions we have for each other are on the brink of an explosion. She always said she's scared that 'accidents' would happen between us, she wants to stay faithful and, ofcourse, I respect that, I want to wait if necessary. It got very emotional from then on, she began crying a little and I comforted her.

She knew she hurt me by saying this, I knew she also hurt herself. We were just devastated.

 

Is there a chance it'll work out between us? Shall I wait or shall I just keep going on without putting too much pressure on her.

I only want the best for her, I just want her to be happy.

I'm such a mess right now.

 

Thanks in advance.

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It's down to her to break up with guy, if that's what she wants, and then see how things work with you. I wouldn't say wait but I would go sleeping about to make her jealous. In my opinion, just be her friend, but to a certain point so you don't get hurt in the process. You can't put your hopes on her whilst she's in a relationship and wants to see how that works out, it does sound like he's using you as an emotional boyfriend since hers is long distance, so all I'd say is do what's best for you not to get hurt, used and thrown away.

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She needs to make up her mind about who she wants to be with.

 

In your shoes, I would be cautious though. It sounds like you are filling in some voids for her while her bf is far away, aka getting used even if she is not doing it consciously. You would probably be wise to keep going forward with your life and maybe distance yourself from her. She knows how you feel, she knows how to reach out to you. If she really wants to, she will. However, never put your life on hold waiting for someone to make up their mind. Live your life, seek others. If she comes around and you happen to be still interested and available, great and if you've moved on and met someone else, also great. Life is too short to wait on people who don't know what they want.

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Thanks for the answers,

 

That's probably the best thing I can do now. Ah well, it's not because it isn't going to work that I'm not going to be there for her anymore.

She's still my best friend though and I'm happy with that.

 

Perhaps one day when the situation's different, but for now I'll move on

 

Thanks again

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