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Can't read this girl... Is she leading me on or just shy?


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First, sorry for a long post...


This girl that I used to sorta know back in the days, I met again through a friend recently when I came home for a vacation. We had a spark, and started texting a lot, flirting back and forth. At the time I was trying to decide between jobs in different locations. I'm originally from City A (where the girl is located). I was at the time working in City B 1000 miles away, and had job offers from City A and City C (close to City B).


One thing she mentioned while texting / flirting is that one of her new year's resolution this year was to have get a boyfriend.


Even when she was flirting and texting me every other minute, I could sense she was a bit cautious because she was aware of the decision I was making, in case I decided to go to City C. Initially I tentatively decided to go to City C, but she still was talking to me a lot. One day, I slipped to her that there was this one girl I was eyeing back in City A. A few days later she out of the blue asked who that girl was, and I simply said "You". She thought I was joking at first, but she eventually said in a roundabout way something like "I'm not not interested in you either" (in a different language in which double negative means positive, not wrong grammar..hope you get the idea).


After that day, she started texting quite a bit less than before. Idk why, but she pretty much stopped texting me first, and took a bit longer responding to texts.


A few days later, there was some development in the offer from City A, that I 100% decided to change my decision to move back to City A. I let her know and she was excited. I asked if she wants to meet up the Saturday of the week I was planned to move back to City A. She immediately said yes.


Because of the recent arctic vortex (polar vortex?), City B was extremely cold, and the moving service was delayed. I had to tell her I may not make it in to City A by that Saturday. She said that's ok and asked if everything was ok. I explained and asked if the following Saturday would be good. She again immediately said yes.


But from this point on, she basically stopped texting me other than responding to my occasional messages not-so-immediately...


A couple of days before our hangout, she met up with our one mutual friend, and asked if he wanted to join us because she's afraid it's gonna be uber awkward. (we've never hung out just the two of us). She also expressed to our mutual friend that she was afraid that I'll take her to some place too expensive / formal. I'm not sure why she had that worry, but I was planning on something casual anyway.


I took her to a very casual place anyway as planned, and at least I felt it wasn't as awkward as we both worried it would be. We talked, and at least from what she said, we tend to have similar tendencies such as our favorite food, our thoughts about the future, etc.


Her body language also was positive as far as I could read... she was playing with her hair, our eyes would meet and she quickly would look down, but smile a lot. (She's more of a shy personal, pretty obvious). Went to a desert place after dinner, and stopped by a wine bar, because I know she doesn't drink but wine. Later on we had our mutual friend join us for a bit, and ended the night.


But again, she doesn't text me. It's as if the relationship (whether this is just pure "i just want to see what kind of person you are", or "I already like you kind of relationship", I don't care) between her and me is going backwards.


I always wanted to start going back to church, and she asked to come to her church.. at least she will be one familiar face. She said there are guys there that I probably will fit in with nicely and make friends. oh yes... by the way she's a long time church goer.. which is fine, but also can be difficult when dating in my experience..


While I want to go back to church, I don't want to go to church for a girl. But maybe she's waiting for me to come to church first to get to know me further? Maybe she really wants to take the time to get to know someone? or maybe she was just playing with me flirting at first and realized I'm actually into her and wants to back out?


But either way, I have no idea how to read her at all... I would think if a girl is interested in a guy like she said she was, I would think she wants to keep chatting with the guy...


Any thoughtful advice / insight would be appreciated!

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She seems to be testing the waters.


Two ways to tackle this.

1) (Which normally has good results) is not ignore her, but be with her like "yeah whatever" like not rude, like not being nice to her or ignore her when she talks to her, Just go about your business and she if you get a response. Girls can be strange as in give them too much they stop trying themselves. Give them less and they run after you. This can backfire if she is like me and gives up if he shows no interest, and decides to see it in a logical way instead off an emotional way since that luxury is no longer there. And moves on. Or she could just be confused and move on for that reason


Or... If you want the "Lets not play games approach" then... go for option two

2) Which is to causally ask her. Say to her in a non threatening way, you would like to not play games and for both off you to be honest about your intentions and feelings, no need to corner her when you do this but best not to say it in front off a group off mutual peers as well. Just casually take her aside and ask. Because I find it is in the end better for both off you to know off the bat. And if someone is asking in a calm setting. Drama should be minimal. I would suggest taking her out again to ask her there or too give her more time to test the waters and on this date play it heaps cool.


You know her and the situation best. So I am leaving you to choose which option! Now that you know the benefits off both.


Good luck!!

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If she's a "long time church goer" then she is likely also a virgin since that is what long time church goers are taught to keep until marriage. Perhaps she's just being cautious and wanting to get to really know you. You can't get to know someone through text messages so why don't you just ask her out again and advance the relationship the way we did before people stopped actually interacting and relying too much on the written word.


Ask her out again and advance the relationship slowly one-on-one / face-to-face. Hold her hand next time you're out with her and see how receptive she is to that little gesture of romantic interest.


There is no need IMO for you to have a discussion about feelings or where this is going at this point. You can simply find that out by how open and receptive she is to your actual advances (actions not words).


Good luck.

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Thanks for the advice.


@MorbidMetalHead87 Frankly, I'm at the point myself where I need to see things logically, not emotionally and move on, because from my view, she has no interested anymore, at least the way she's presenting herself to me. At the same time though, I want to keep knocking on the door slowly.


I don't mean to sound arrogant or anything, but I've never had a girl I was interested in act this way before. It's not that girls throw themselves at me, but more like each time things happened with a girl, it was a mutual interest and a mutual effort into the relationship, not one person chasing the other. So it could be that I'm just thrown off by the idea of me having to chase her a bit, and feel discouraged simply because it's not what I'm used to.


I just texted her if she wants to meet up with me and a mutual friend and the friend's fiance. It was something she was interested in doing (at least she said she was) the last time we hung out one-on-one. But she replied "This weekend? I have two exams the following Monday T.T". I said "Yeah? Well maybe after your exam then". She hasn't replied yet..


It's this behavior that's really discouraging me. She doesn't seem to be interested in continuing any sort of conversation. At least in the beginning before she said she was also interested, she initiated and asked me questions about myself, etc. But now, it's just me asking questions or saying something. Grrrr.

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