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Should I tell his new girlfriend and her family he is a convicted paedophile?


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My daughter's ex-boyfriend who is 38 years old was convicted of creating, downloading and sharing over 400 sexual images of underage girls (age 8 to 15); he was also convicted of voyeurism after he filmed their 14 year old neighbour getting undressed, installed hidden camera devices in their bathroom that were found to contain videos of my other (then) 10 and 12 year old daughters in the bath and shower; and shared videos with a circle of other sex offenders. Our relationship ended because I found some of these items.

 

2 years later, he is in a relationship with a 21 year old woman from another town, who I assume is unaware of his conviction - as I don't believe anybody with an ounce of decency would enter a relationship with this person. I looked at her facebook account as we have mutual friends, and she has posted pictures of them together in the town' local park with young children - one condition of his non-custodial sentence is that he is not to have ANY unsupervised contact with children under 16.

 

This may be due to slight feelings anger because he was not given a custodial sentence, and the complications of the police investigation (he denied all charges until his final court appearance where he pleaded guilty) ruined my daughter's personal and professional life, and had a devastating effect on her wellbeing. But I think this girl (or at least her parents) should be aware of this monster, so I am thinking of anonymously posting a copy of the news-paper clipping to her workplace.

 

Advice?

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Do you have an attorney? Can you call them and tell them about your findings, or the police? I would ask for the advice of your attorney prior to doing anything(most especially posting newspaper clippings at her workplace! Why wouldn't you send a Facebook message with a link to the offender registry or news article?).

 

I think they should be aware, too. Absolutely. I just don't want it to have any legal ramifications for you.

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Why not just call the police and inform them you think he is breaking the law. I would not get involved -for all you know he no longer has those restrictions. And since you are doing this out of anger against him the way you go about it personally (that is, if you don't just leave it in the police's hands) is likely to be affected and get you into some sort of trouble.

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Yes, you have to be a bit careful with this because there are laws in many areas that prevent people from harassing offenders.

 

But if you have evidence that he may be violating his parole, that is very easy... just take the evidence to the police so that they can contact his parole officer and revoke his parole and send him to jail. If his parole says he has to stay a certain distance away from children's schools and playgrounds and there is a photo on Facebook showing him at a playground, there is a very good chance that will revoke his parole and send him to jail... Problem solved!

 

btw, you need to be careful with this kind of thinking: ' don't believe anybody with an ounce of decency would enter a relationship with this person.' If his GF is 21, he is legally allowed to date her, and unfortunately there are many naïve/troubled women who can and will date people like this for their own reasons and it is not illegal for them to do so.

 

I understand your outrage, but at the same time, you are not judge and jury and enforcer to spend your life hounding this man and obsessing about him. That is not healthy for you, and is why there are laws in place to prevent harassment of people just as an outlet to vent your outrage in the 'how dare he?' mode. Everyone agrees this was a horrible crime, but you and your daughter and family need to work to get on with your lives and leave this creep behind you and do what it takes to heal, and to do so in a way that is legal and doesn't break any laws to get you in trouble with the law yourself if you cross any lines and violate anti-harassment/stalking laws. then he continues to wreck your lives and have a negative impact, if you let an obsession with him drive you into marginal behavior yourself, when you should be focusing on healing and leaving him behind.

 

Get your daughter and yourself any therapy you need to get past this, and work on healing. Let the police and judicial system handle this man.

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- one condition of his non-custodial sentence is that he is not to have ANY unsupervised contact with children under 16.

 

 

I assume that this means supervised by any adult- not a court-appointed person? In which case, regarding the park photos, he was with the 21-year-old woman, correct? Would that count as supervised?

 

I agree with those that you could contact the police and/or an attorney, but the unfortunate fact is that you don't know if he is violating his sentence or not.

 

I also am concerned for your own healing if you are on this stranger's facebook page 2 years later checking up on him. You are right to recognize this as partially anger-motivated. But on the other hand, there are children involved, so it can't hurt to have someone official check up on him.

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I agree with the others on informing the police about his proximity to children. If he's a registered sex offender (please, please, let that be so at least) then his parole officer or whoever oversees it will look into the matter further. You just have to report what you know as a concerned citizen.

 

As to warning the girlfriend, that's a lot trickier as others have said. She may or may not know, he may or may not be getting therapy for his behaviors, she may know and has chosen to believe whatever he's told her or just doesn't care, it's a world of issues there. And the fact is if she leaves him tomorrow he'll find someone else. And you have to ask yourself how long will you be willing to wait and watch and chase this guy down all the time warning everyone around him. I know it's easy enough to want to do that, as a parent I can't say I wouldn't do the same thing if it had been my kids, but it's not healthy and you shouldn't be the one having to watch him. He should have law enforcement out there doing that instead. I would give whoever is in charge of his case and/or whoever in the county, town or even state is in charge of sex-offenders the information you have. And let them deal with it.

 

It's a terrible thing that happened, but you have to put your life back together and your daughters too and move on. This is one of those times when I'm going to say you have to talk to someone about your own feelings and if you can find anyone in law enforcement who handled the case, who you know want to see this guy do more time or are afraid he'll offend again, then talk to them. And let them take over the job of monitoring him since this sort of thing can eat you up inside until there's nothing left.

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What, you expect him to be put away forever?

 

At least our system recognizes advances against minors is a crime and further punishes those who do it. That being said, you cannot punish someone forever for their crime once they have served the legal sentence for that crime. To do so is immoral and quite frankly, illegal.

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What, you expect him to be put away forever?

 

At least our system recognizes advances against minors is a crime and further punishes those who do it. That being said, you cannot punish someone forever for their crime once they have served the legal sentence for that crime. To do so is immoral and quite frankly, illegal.

 

The guy had no punishment what so ever so i'm not sure what you are getting at tbh.

 

There was obvious evidence of what he did and basically he got a slap on the wrist and told not to be alone with Children again....yeah that seems right...and yet here we are less than 2 years later and he is in a relationship with another woman with children and she prob has no clue what he is capable of.

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The guy had no punishment what so ever so i'm not sure what you are getting at tbh.

 

There was obvious evidence of what he did and basically he got a slap on the wrist and told not to be alone with Children again....yeah that seems right...and yet here we are less than 2 years later and he is in a relationship with another woman with children and she prob has no clue what he is capable of.

 

So what, he can't ever be in a relationship with another woman who has kids?

 

We'd might as well go back to the days of Excommunication marks...

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I'm with Longview01 on this. If you read the OP's description of what the man did it went way beyond what just a simple mistake would constitute and he did indeed get only a slap on the wrist. I personally think they should've locked him up and thrown away the key--I mean taking hidden videos of little girls???????????????????????????????????????? Why wasn't he locked up, exactly! Yes, our justice system is so uneven and so ragged and so beyond broken down, but sadly we still have it better than many other countries out there. But in this case I am going to say it failed big time.

 

And I really hope and pray this man never gets with anyone who has kids. I really do although I acknowledge that trying to regulate or legislate that would open up its own can of worms simply because our justice system is not based on common sense, it's based on all manner of things that may or may not really protect anyone. It works sometimes and it doesn't others, but this man should never be allowed around kids period. Not until and unless he gets some form of therapy and can be held in check with either therapy or some form of threat that is greater than that of his impulses.

 

All too often we see people like what the OP described getting slaps on the wrist over and over until they're prosecuted for something far, far worse. You'd think we as a society would learn that most people who have a prediliction towards sex with children and animals just don't have the same emotions or thought process as the rest of the world and maybe, just maybe we should tailor our justice system a bit more to account for those differences.

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So what, he can't ever be in a relationship with another woman who has kids?

 

We'd might as well go back to the days of Excommunication marks...

 

It's obvious you know nothing about how pedophilia works. It's a sexual attraction to children that doesn't just go away after a legal slap on the wrist.

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It's obvious you know nothing about how pedophilia works. It's a sexual attraction to children that doesn't just go away after a legal slap on the wrist.

 

Regardless of how pedophilia works, I'm well aware of how our justice system works, how it is a graduated system, and how it provides both punishment and recourse in relation to the severity of the crime. Let's take this man's prior crime for instance, taking pictures. Is this injustice as heinous as touching or penetration? And then the next step, is either of these acts as heinous as murder itself?

 

The way you people act, we had might as well just hand out the punishment for murder to everyone who commits any act of pedophilia, no matter what the magnitude. But the justice system does not work this way, it balances punishment with proportionality. And while there are a good number who will never rehabilitate, it's wrong against those who will seek treatment for their "disease" to treat all offenders in this manner after they have served their sentence for that crime. Just because they have committed a crime does not give anyone the right to then treat them like animals, or prescribe laws that would be more in line for animals versus sentient human beings - which they are, no matter how heinous you may see these things.

 

Once they have served their sentence, these people will be in the general population, where they will seek partnership like the rest of us, and indeed, even marry, have kids, the whole nine yards. At what point is it Right to continue punishing them for that offence? Legally, it's wrong as soon as their punishment has been served in full.

 

Now yes, this guy may do the same thing again, which is precisely what it will take to put this guy on the next level of punishment, hence, what will put him away for a longer period of time and release him with stiffer restrictions in place.

 

Like I said before, we might as go back to the day of Excommuncation tattoos.

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"Once they have served their sentence, these people will be in the general population, where they will seek partnership like the rest of us, and indeed, even marry, have kids, the whole nine yards. At what point is it Right to continue punishing them for that offence? Legally, it's wrong as soon as their punishment has been served in full."

 

 

I've never worked in that field but from what I understand it's not typically about just serving a sentence - people who molest children are then labeled as sex offenders and have restrictions for years (at least?) on where they can go/live/work, etc. Again I am painting this with a broad brush -I am sure this differs by state in the USA and certainly by country.

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