So why do they stop sending flowers:(

[sunday2010]

Been married a year and a few months and I haven't had flowers sent to me since the beginning of the relationship it happened four times in the beginning that was like late 2010 early 2011.like flowers that get delivered to you especially..

Plus since I've had a baby in oct last year I've received no flowers at all he used to buy a single red rose occasionally etc every few months prior to that now i get nothing....why do they stop .Is our relationship just lost all its spark and is in danger......valentines means alot to me... but my husband just does nothing now

[tmp110314]

It's so hard to answer that question, especially not knowing your husband or your situation.

 

One question that I have is: Do you do anything special for your husband for Valentine's Day?

 

For me, I stopped giving flowers when my wife stopped participating in our relationship. She became way to comfortable and thought it wasn't her job to keep the relationship running. She wanted me to do all the work and show all the appreciation for what she thought she was doing. Let's see, all the cooking, laundry, grocery shopping while working a full time job was my responsibility. She has her career, but, is the proverbial 'lazy husband'. Comes home from work, plops down on the couch, checks email, and tells me to let HER know when dinner is ready. Hmmmm...... What's wrong with this picture?

 

You may not have the same situation, however, it is worth you discussing your concerns with your husband. If he has become complacent or doesn't understand the importance you place on Valentine's Day he will only continue as he is now.

 

A relationship is something to be managed by both parties including communicating your concerns and developing solutions. Mine ended because it was a one sided effort. Your married relationship is still new. Invest in making it better by communicating in a loving way without accusations, etc... It could render more fruit than you realize now.

 

Best wishes and I hope you have a Happy Valentine's Day.

[sunday2010]

got him a card and some boxer shorts in a gift bag i guess it doesn't sound much......but i thought it was nice.I do the groceries put out the garbage but we share most of the cleaning share the cooking.share the baby caring...we share most things.But he seems lazy and disinterested.oh geez i dunno. Maybe we're doomed!

[Tayla92]

I'm not sure if I'll give the best advice, as I've never been married.. That's really upsetting though, of course to us girls Valentines means quite a lot to us and we want to feel special. I'm not sure if my dad got my mum anything, I hope he did though, he usually doesn't. I think because as the relationship gets longer, especially through marriage the spark somewhat diminishes. It's happened with my parents too, they used to be very social and always out and about together. They haven't gone on a holiday or even a date since I can remember. I don't even see them kiss, haven't for a couple of years.. Also, I know my mum told me they haven't had sex in years either.. It's pretty sad, because my mum gets REALLY upset about it all, and always asks dad to take her out on dates but he never does. I think because he's just so busy with work all the time that he never really has any time.. This might not mean that the love has grown any less, I'm sure that's not the case. I understand how you must be feeling though, because I have to reassure my mum all the time about the same sort of situation. I think you should maybe mention it to him, talk to him about it. Or if you don't want to be totally up front with him, why not suggest to go out for dinner here and there or to see a movie together, take the initiative to get things back on track and for you to be able to start feeling special and loved again. Do more things together, even the smallest things just make sure you put the effort in too, don't just wait for him to make it because guys really don't see things the way we do.. He probably doesn't even see it as a problem, he's most likely thinking everything's just fine and dandy when really it's not. To be honest, maybe you should talk through it with him, because I bet he doesn't realize that you're hurting over this. Sorry to hear that you're upset on valentines day..

 

Maybe if you have some single lady friends you should go out with them tonight instead! Have a bit of fun.. If not, goodluck with sorting things out!

[tmp110314]

The card and boxers are a great gift. You sound like you guys are involved and I don't think anything is doomed.

 

There are so many possibilities too numerous to detail. The only real way is to communicate with him in a loving way to share your concerns. He may not know this is how you see things and that you have the concerns that you have.

 

Please don't worry yourself over something that really may not be an issue in the end.

 

He may even be regretful that he has been seen in this light by you and work harder to show his love for you.

 

Not addressing this could be worse in the long term. He may be thinking that you don't care enough to work through anything that may be there IF there is something there at all.

[toby17]

Hmmm he's got you and he doesn't think he needs to win you anymore. Either you'll accept it or eventually he'll learn the hard way.

[petite]

This isn't about "them" since all men aren't the same - it is simply about your husband. Does he know you like flowers? How long did you date before getting married?

 

Do you have any major problems in the marriage? Communication issues?

 

There could be many reasons why he doesn't do that. Why don't you ask him?

 

Does he surprise you in other ways? And finally, does he bring you flowers home, or is this just something that no longer happens?

[bulletproof]

got him a card and some boxer shorts in a gift bag i guess it doesn't sound much......but i thought it was nice.I do the groceries put out the garbage but we share most of the cleaning share the cooking.share the baby caring...we share most things.But he seems lazy and disinterested.oh geez i dunno. Maybe we're doomed!

 

Judging from your other posts, do you think statements like "maybe we're doomed" are more a product of your depression/anxiety than anything else? Plus it seems that you haven't been very happy with this relationship/marriage overall. The issue is most likely not flowers, or lack thereof.

[lavenderdove]

I think lots of men are not naturally 'romantic' in that way... they know that flowers score them big points with you, BUT they may look at it practically as in, 'A dozen roses is SO expensive... for that I could get an oil change or a new toaster.' So once they figure they've 'got' you (as in married, or in long term relationship), they feel they don't have to 'win' you anymore or cough up the dollars and effort to buy something they consider impractical and expensive.

 

So what you need to do is tell him how happy they make you, and that you'd really like him to keep sending them for special occasions like birthdays, V-day etc. He won't know how important that is to you if you don't tell him. He needs to know that in your mind, flowers are a preferable gift to a new toaster or him getting the oil changed in your car.

 

And if they stopped after the baby, i'd take that as a sign that he knows the baby has a lot of financial needs, and to keep your budget on track, he probably is forgoing anything he considers a 'frivolous' expense in order to pay for the baby's needs. In his head, you don't 'need' flowers, but the baby does need diapers and formula and doctor co-pays etc. So he'll want to funnel the money into something he considers a higher priority. It is up to you know let him know if flowers are really a top priority for you, and you're wiling to forgo some other things (new shoes?) in order to get those flowers if that is what your budget requires, giving up some things in order to buy those flowers.

[mhowe]

I think that the woman who made him think of flowers is no longer present in your marriage.

[Liraele]

Part of the chase, usually. Once they've caught you, they don't have to do the overt gestures of courting.

 

Communicate with him. I don't mean doing a deep freeze because he didn't get you flowers for V-day, but sit him down and say something to the effect of: "I love it when you send me flowers. It makes me feel special, and it's something I really need from you to feel loved and appreciated. Can we talk about it and find a way to make sure both of our needs are being met?"

 

Sounds like gifts are a part of your love language.

[Lonewing]

We forget...and it's something that has to be planned, scheduled, you know, we can't just "poof, flowers!"

 

Although, sure, we could, but...