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Not sure I'd be inappropriate or not. 2 situations


Coily

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A pair of situations have cropped up, and I didn't want them to be buried in my on going thread in the Love and Soulmate section.

 

I am as some of you have gotten to know shy in breaking down my comfort barrier in asking a woman out, due to not wanting to screw up asking (silly I know but hey it's something to work on) and also getting too attached to wanting the outcome I want that I freeze up rather than move on (I just really admitted this to myself and will post in the other thread on it more).

 

So Situation 1: In a meet up group I dine with, a lady maybe a few years younger (didn't seem appropriate to ask) had some good conversations especially when everyone had quit asking her about being a foreigner ( focused on what she does and her two cats that she enthusiastically showed me pictures of). No phone number, but if am thinking of being rather blunt in an email (I would rather make a call) and basically telling her that I would like a date and if she isn't interested that I am just as happy to leave well enough alone (i.e. not being one of those pushy guys who won't take no for an answer). More or less asking is this a good, bad, or just and idea?

 

Situation 2: I've been working in a secure facility lately, which requires being escorted; on the first day I locked eyes with a woman I found enchanting (and I know this sounds awful to some, but she is on the plain side but I find her amazingly pretty), and I couldn't help but stare a little. The weeks progressed and we saw each other and smiled and nodded, but again it was not really the time or place to say much; today rolled around and she was assigned escort duty. It was the best day of work in there I've had. We ended up teasing each other a bit and I kept trying to find a way to ask her out, but the thought kept running through my mind if she isn't interested and she gets assigned to escort again it could be really awkward and unprofessional. Do I worry too much about this?

 

Probably simple answers that I am over thinking, so thanks in advance.

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Hi Coily!

 

There's nothing wrong asking either of these women for a date. The first I would say if you will see her again soon at another meet up ask her in person or try to get a better idea of her intentions in person. You can say there's a really great place you love to eat at and the two of you should go sometime and see how she responds. As for the second I understand why you would be cautious wanting to avoid an awkward situation in the future, but honestly if you ask sincerely and she declines as long as you can respond politely letting her know you understand and it not a big deal things shouldn't be too weird. It's when guys ask women out and don't seem to take rejection with confidence and class that it gets weird.

 

The only way to know is to give it a shot. Even if you don't get a date you get the experience and you learn something....you strike me as someone who loves to learn...so why not try?

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I say in both cases, can't you just call them up and ask them out? In both cases, it would be easier to gauge interest if you could hear their voices and less embarrassing than doing it in person if they aren't interested. With your somewhat coworker, surely there is an extension she can be reached at? I would also suggest that you do a little more research on your coworker to find out if she's single or not before you act. If you're going to move ahead without that, just remember that to answer something like "Lucky guy!" if she says she's got a boyfriend and move on.

 

I hope it goes well for you!

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Well rats, it was her day off yesterday; but recalibrating to some how get to ask her. I feel determined to just ask, her answer is less important at this point as just asking her!

 

Well taking into consideration that yesterday was v-day maybe a slight delay is working in your favor...I'm not sure how I'd feel about being asked out on v-day.....but that might be just me.

 

My idea to not be really direct was to get the OP into the practice of asking....yes sometimes directness works but you can also get really direct rejections.

 

Actually asking the co-worker before doing any homework on whether she is single or not might be a good idea. it seems it would be easier to have a sincere and nice response if she turns you down because she is seeing someone...TBH I sometimes tell guys I'm not single even when I am just to let them down easily.

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In either case if I could call I would have by now, and while yes the latter is theoretically possible; however given the nature of the facility that is not a possibility.

 

I hadn't really considered the V-day part, so it was for the best in that regard I didn't get a chance as I didn't want to come off as just being in it for that reason alone.

 

For the most part I am wanting to strike while the iron is hot and before I over think myself in to not bothering; which is an obstacle I have to over come by acting without a lot of pondering.

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