Like breaking up all over again

[Tinkie9901]

So I'm in the process of moving house, currently supposed to be cleaning so I can get my bond back. Instead I am a crying wreck, reliving emotions I thought I had processed and moved past.

 

The house I am moving out of I built with my ex husband. It was his dream to buy a place before he hit 30 and we did that. And then a little over two years in he decided he didn't like the responsibility anymore, had an affair, and ran off with a uni student and started acting like a 20 year old. Left me with a mortgage to pay on my own, which I did for a year until it became too much so I sold the house. The people who bought it kindly rented it back to me for two years, and I cleared it of everything related to my ex husband and started again. So it was in this home I had the relationship and breakup with my most recent ex. A man I still dearly love today. That breakup was worse than my divorce, this man I was still in love with when it ended so it was gut wrenching.

 

Over a year later from that breakup I decided it was time to move. Let go of this place and start a new life.

 

So why is it like going through the breakup's all over again. There is nothing but painful memories attached to this place so I should be happy to let it go. Instead it has made me relive those feelings as I pack up and move everything. This is my final tie to my relationships with both, should it be so hard to let this go?

[StillHopeful88]

Im so sorry you had to experience both these failed relationships I've never been in your position to move in with a partner, but I could imagine how tough it must be to be experiencing all these feelings. Moving seems like a good idea and you can start a brand new life in your new house with fresh memories and no baggage, just think of the positive. These resurfaced feelings may be a way of closure for you and kind of like your "last tears" before you start life in a new home. Either way, I know it must suck and I'm sorry again you're going through this.

 

You're stronger than you think and you will overcome these feelings and progress in life with better memories. Hang in there girl!

[Tinkie9901]

Thanks , I guess I was so happy leading up to the move (going to be closer to work, friends, cheaper, smaller so less cleaning) that I never expected to be faced with reopened wounds.

 

You are right, it is probably because this is a final goodbye to that chapter of my life. I designed and built the house with my ex husband, and my ex bf sat with me the night it changed hands from mine to the new owners. This bit is all on my own, and it's like saying goodbye to a piece of me.

[silversoul]

It's natural that you feel this way and I think it's good that you are letting out all of these emotions and I think you will benefit greatly from moving to a new place where nothing reminds you of your exes.

 

Cry, cry some more, but after that sit down, have a cup of tea and remind yourself that you are moving on to better times.

[Tinkie9901]

It's going to be weird closing the door for the last time. I still remember going to choose which block of land with my ex husband... god if only I could talk to me back then and say to walk away... lol

[Createmyfuture]

You're new place will be great and filled with a new breath and new life. There will be no triggers or memories attached to anything. And what you bring in to the home will have the same pain free qualities. If you do that in addition to making some other small changes like joining the local gym you will really take yourself away from all of those gut wrenching feelings that you really don't need to be subjected to any longer.

 

I understand. I am in a new house in a new town with a friend of mine. It's like an ex detox. But also a detox of all that once was in my life. A new start with no emotional triggers or memories. The first place myself and ex lived is a house that I own. I rent it now to some great folks. I could never live there again though. Even going by for maintenance or to get the mail brings a bad sense over me. There is so much pain associated with that house. Anyway, I know what you mean. Just get out of there. Remember to tell yourself it's just a material item, only you can place emotional value on it. Shrug it off. Best of luck to you.