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Dating from Tinder - Round 3 here we go...


BigKK

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Alright, so I matched with this girl 2.5 months ago before leaving to Europe, she's cute, and I guessed her nationality (Polish same as me, let's hear the jokes ) off the get-go and was right.

 

She is my third Tinder Date.

 

 

I never met, but said we should meet up when I get back, she agreed.

 

I messaged her after my LDR lover said I'm free to do what I want... so I setup a date...

 

 

grabbed a few beers, and got to know each other...she was laughing the whole time and saying that her cheeks hurt and hasn't laughed this much in ages. The date went surprisingly really well, since I didn't really think much of it going in... She was also impressed that I speak better Polish than her (someone born there,) but I am a pronunciation snob and it's finally paying dividends with people that can appreciate it

 

 

She went in for a kiss, and I am not sure if she noticed but got a cheek. She blushed, and we said our goodbyes, and she asked me to text when I got home, so I did. She responded with having an awesome time, great to meet, etc

 

 

 

 

She invited me today for her "little birthday celebration" for Saturday, and I agreed. Kinda soon yeah? I am going to guess it's the fact that people feel really comfortable with me??? Or the fact that we are both from the motherland. Furthermore, I agreed to it, even though I don't really want a girlfriend, but perhaps curiosity got to me? Plus I am leaving the country so I don't want to fall madly in love, or maybe I do?

 

Question

If I attend her birthday, how do I proceed to not become a boyfriend? Am I already doomed? She is a great girl, but the past girl just showed me that I should just continue testing the field even though I fell head over heels for her...I don't want to go through the pain of leaving someone, or maybe I just deal with it again?? I am not into stringing anyone along but I guess when do I make my intentions clear that I am looking for only very casual dating? #possiblyconfusedandnotsurewhatIreallywant

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I don't understand the dynamic of your current long term relationship, and the fact that you feel you have to meet new girls.

The heart wants what it wants, why does she have the sudden need for you to play the field? She has made things very complicated for you...clearly.

 

Anyway, I think you should politely decline the birthday party invitation - be upfront whether on the message or over the phone. You should have already told this new girl that you are only looking for casual dating, and if she doesn't know yet or didn't bring it up then let's assume she hasn't actually assumed that. Accepting her invite to the party only points to the opposite signs. Just make the message clear, "I am sorry but I have to decline my invitation. You are a wonderful girl, and I enjoyed spending time with you but I am only looking for a casual relationship. Hope your birthday goes well, and nice to meet you.". This message is the message I used to wish I'd get instead of a guy dropping off the face of the Earth. It's so much more considerate to let her know the truth right now.

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Isn't that the most awkward thing I could do? "By the way, I am only looking for casual dating, right off the bat" maybe she is too, or maybe not, I figured I'd throw it out there if things got more intimate, ie, after a kiss... otherwise it's unnecessary... but I may be terribly mistaken!

 

 

As far as the distance girl...there is love there, but I don't see a future for us so we agreed to remain in touch but just live our lives in our respective geographic places.

 

 

I don't want to fall of the face of the Earth, I don't mind grabbing a drink with her on her birthday at a bar...but I am just mindful of not leading anyone on.

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I thought Tinder was a hook-up app, more than a dating app? Maybe that's just how people treat it here in my neck of the woods.....

 

I don't know Liraele,

 

Perhaps it is a hook up app. I went in with a very nonchalant attitude, and there was 10 of her friends. I got sized up really quick, and thought wow what did I get myself into. Luckily 80% of them left, and it was just 4 of us. I heard a few times words of approval to her "I like him" etc.

 

 

We hopped a few bars, kissed her after dropping her friend off at a taxi and went home and I slept with her. She said she doesn't want to "just hook up" and then we "hooked up?" so no clue what that means...

 

Her best friend was incredibly obnoxious and it's funny in retrospect, how bad it is to meet friends too early. Since I am already judging her for it. I was very happy to see him go. I noticed I wasn't the only one.

 

Anyway... I will just see how it goes, but I don't know when I put it out there that I am not looking for anything serious... since we already slept together on date 2, perhaps it won't be a shocker if she's on the same page

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Just to close the door on Tinder round 3, she texted me right after my soccer game, and I responded the next day. Then she responded at the end of that day, then I responded in the morning, and that was the last I heard of her. After all is said and done, I feel pressure to hang out with her...intuition says she wants much more than a casual date.

 

Did I mention she has an ex-husband?

 

Anyway, we'll see, if she responds maybe I'll hang out, but probably will listen to my intuition.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One last thing, she knows where I work...she lives 3 blocks away. I shouldn't be so open... anyway, last Friday she sent me a text "you look good in green" I was wearing green... she saw me at work... a little bit off putting and too much after the first date. Hearing things like "we heard so much about you" also red flags in my book, unless I want to be a boyfriend.

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I think she wants more as well, just from a female perspective. It's nicer to be clear on what you want, especially on an app like Tinder. People do take it in different ways, I know some people who use it go and have meaningless hookups with who they meet, yet others who are in relationships now through meeting on it. It's a wide spectrum, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter how you have met - it is the fact that you both get along great, you went to her birthday. These are bigger signs to her that it could develop into something more which I think is why you need to tell her that she is a great girl, but you're only looking to date casually.

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