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Would like an outside opinion on a side of my girlfriend I don't like


kboykb

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I'll try to keep this short. I just want to know if my line of thinking is correct or if I'm overreacting

 

A few months ago my girlfriend gave me a ring of hers that she has had for 10 years. She wore it everywhere. One day I was hanging out with her and put it on just to see how it would look on my finger. She looked over and said "hey, just keep it". I didn't really want it, but took it as something special from her. It was a ring she got from the flea market for about 20 bucks but it had been with her for years so it was important sentimentally.

 

Fast forward - I lost it! I have no idea how. I wore it everywhere, even to the gym. I liked having it on me because it made me think of her. I don't know where it is and I've looked for it everywhere. I apologized and promised I would keep looking around.

 

About a month ago she came and spent the weekend with me (we're slightly long distance). It wasn't a very good weekend for us and she kept picking small fights with me. Right before she left she showed me something that was in her pocket. It was my $750 class ring from high school. She said "I'm keeping this. Thanks". I tried to at least talk her into giving it back to me; I wasn't going to force it out of her hands. She wouldn't budge and I let her leave, Putting an end to an unpleasant weekend for both of us.

 

Now here's the thing - I'm very bothered by what she did. Am I upset that she took my class ring? Of course. What bothers me more is I feel like she used a very underhanded means at "getting back" at me. It was an act full of spite and passive aggression that she *knew* would hurt me. She mentally decided to do something that would upset / hurt / bother me and that really gets to me. I tried to talk to her about this over the phone but she wouldn't budge. All she says is "You lost my ring! So now I have yours". This seems extremely childish and arrogant of her. I would never try to do anything to hurt her. She made the decision to give me her ring - I didn't ask for it. If she lost something of mine I would simply let her know I was disappointed in her, accept the loss and move on with the relationship. I wouldn't sneak in her room and steal her Cartier diamond because she lost my cubic zirconia.

 

It's not the ring (well partly it is) - It's the deeper message that I'm reading into with her actions. She just seems really immature to me right now and it's coming to light. Or should I just "get over it" and try to work on improving her attitude (which I have been trying, to no avail) ?

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She gave you the ring you lost (misplaced). It was a gift so you could do with it whatever you wanted -- keep it, sell it, melt it down, throw it in the sea. If it mattered that much to her, she shouldn't have given it away. (which makes me wonder if she's got misplaced anger about giving something else away... but sometimes a ring is just a ring)

 

I suggest that you give it one more shot to get back your class ring. Say you will buy a replacement for the ring you lost. You will take her to a flea market and she can pick out whatever she wants but since you didn't gift it to her, you would like your class ring back.

 

And keep looking for the lost one. One of your roommates might have put it somewhere or something. If you can find it, maybe this whole thing will blow over. If this is the first time she's been a brat when something went sideways, I say give her another chance and keep an eye out to see if this is the way she always behaves when she's been hurt or disappointed. If she won't give you back your ring, threaten legal action, she's being completely unreasonable about this.

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Thanks for the replies guys. I was leaning towards the break up but also leaning towards waiting to see if she would be more reasonable if I waited a few weeks to talk about it. I'm going to give it one more shot when I go see her this weekend for V-day. If she still acts like a brat (good choice of words Lorem, very accurate) then I'm going to call it quits with her.

 

Thanks again

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If you have said all of this to her and she still doesn't care that she has shown a very ugly side of her that you don't like, then the next action is to report it and end the relationship. You can even tell her this first, so perhaps she will snap out of it and realise what she is doing. She clearly has no fear of losing you - due to the fact that she is perfectly capable of stealing something from you and not expecting any repercussions. She doesn't respect you, she doesn't respect the relationship, and she doesn't respect the law, I think that is a good enough summary to let her know that she is not the person you thought she was, and that you'll be taking immediate action. Keep an eye out for her ring in the mean time and if you happen to find it, send it to her. She thinks by doing this she might push you to look harder for it, but in actual fact you have seen a side to her you just don't like.

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I can only speak to how I feel about what she did, and I think it is despicable. So I can only tell you what I would do. I would tell her that you want her to return the ring to you or you will report her to the police, and there is no question that this matter would be sufficient for me to be done with her. chi

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Errrrrr I wouldn't contact the police, that's way too extreme reaction. I'd just wait it out personally for a few weeks, she will eventually give it back in due time I think. She's obviously disappointed you lost the ring and this is her way of showing that by taking your ring. Whether you want to break up with her over this, well that's your decision. It is petty revenge stuff I agree. But I'm sure she will give it back once she cools down, any reasonable person would and I have to trust she is one if your dating her in the first place .

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Errrrrr I wouldn't contact the police, that's way too extreme reaction. I'd just wait it out personally for a few weeks, she will eventually give it back in due time I think.

She disrespected the OP by taking advantage of him. She committed a crime by taking a very expensive ring without the OP's permission (hell, that's more expensive than my wedding band). He already passively let her go and gave her the choice to return or or walk with it. She made her final decision by committing theft by leaving his property.

 

Doesn't matter if she got pissed off about him losing a ring. A sensible, stable-minded adult wouldn't retaliate with theft. if you are going to say the reason the OP should back down because the girlfriend got angry, then it's the same victimizing excuse as saying, "Oh this stranger said [whatever] to me and made me so angry that I shot him in the head." Tough S. She's an adult and has to take the responsibility to act like one or she pays the consequences. That's the real world for you. Don't let it slide and don't excuse her behavior. Bottom line, it is unacceptable.

 

Don't tell her that you are contacting the police either because she can come up with some wild story. Just ask her for the ring back one last time and record the phone conversation as further evidence to prosecute.You got to report it first before it even goes there. And if you wait on it, cops are less inclined to help you because they will ask when did you notice that it was stolen and how do you KNOW she took it?

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I wouldn't contact the police lol just try to level with her! Just let her know, look, I understand that I lost something that is sentimental to you, and that you are trying to prove a point by taking something very sentimental away from me.. Please know that this ring is costly as well as sentimental and I would really appreciate you giving it back.

 

Something along those lines. Then you can dump her for being an immature brat.

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I wouldn't contact the police lol just try to level with her! Just let her know, look, I understand that I lost something that is sentimental to you, and that you are trying to prove a point by taking something very sentimental away from me.. Please know that this ring is costly as well as sentimental and I would really appreciate you giving it back.

And if she still refuses to give the ring back? LOL. Personally, I would not let someone get away with taking something of mine that is very expensive and valuable and would use any option available to get it back. Are you saying you would?

 

Then you can dump her for being an immature brat.

And so he is still without his HS class ring. Lose-Lose situation.

 

Thanks for trying.

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And if she still refuses to give the ring back? LOL. Personally, I would not let someone get away with taking something of mine that is very expensive and valuable and would use any option available to get it back. Are you saying you would?

 

 

And so he is still without his HS class ring. Lose-Lose situation.

 

Thanks for trying.

 

We don't know anything about either OP nor his girlfriend. He said she was being immature... I doubt OP would have dated someone absolutely unreasonable. I am sure he can get his ring back by talking to her kindly, then saying f*** it in the end. Either way, this is something petty to have to involve the cops in the first place, I have to wonder why you're giving such extreme advice. I am sure he can simply threaten her with police action and say he is being serious, but come on Snny -- have you a heart?

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Can you get the ring back from her without needing to involve anyone else - does she actually wear it, or is it stashed away somewhere? I'd try to do that first, gently and unobtrusively, if that's possible.

 

However, she has shown herself to be a spoilt brat with no respect for your boundaries or property - and that's a good reason for not staying in a relationship with her any longer than you absolutely have to, regardless of the ring.

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You are definitely not overreacting. She sounds really childish and immature. Can you tell her everything you've explained to us here ? It could not be more clear; taking a $750 ring vs a $20 ring that you accidentally misplaced.

 

I think you guys should talk it out first. If she absolutely won't give the ring back, then dump her butt + call the police.

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He said she was being immature... I doubt OP would have dated someone absolutely unreasonable.

You clearly haven't been on ENA long. There are countless posts of people dating people who behave very immaturely.

 

I am sure he can get his ring back by talking to her kindly, then saying f*** it in the end.

Please go back and re-read this post. I did already mention about asking for the ring back one last time.

 

Either way, this is something petty to have to involve the cops in the first place, I have to wonder why you're giving such extreme advice. I am sure he can simply threaten her with police action and say he is being serious, but come on Snny -- have you a heart?

I think most of the people agree with me here that making a police report is not petty. We will have to agree to disagree here.

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I agree with others. She gave you her ring as a gift. She STOLE your ring. BIG difference.

 

She had the right to be upset that you lost it, i don't dispute that. She however had NO right to steal your ring in retribution.

 

I'd personally break up with her because I have no tolerance for stealing, and threaten to press charges if she does not return it. I hope you see your ring again, but I have my doubts.

 

As an aside: My dad has an annoying habit of buying junk at Good Will and then forcing it on me. I take it to be polite because he loves shopping for people but I can't tell you where half that crap is.

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