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so confused


miser

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My girlfriend of 2 years just broke up with me and in am so confused:

 

The skinny: we had been off again and on again. Mostly because I wanted more and she wasn't ready. Meaning when we started dating within 3 months I wanted to be a couple she didn't. So we split for a month. She came back saying she missed me and wanted to date again. So we did. When I asked to be a couple again we began arguing again. We had a nasty fight to which she deleted me from everything. A few days go by and we talk and patch it up. During the talk I told her I did not like how she treats me with the push pull. She finally came clean and said she was not ready because she still had residual feelings for her ex. I then told her we need to slow down. So I started dating others and she and took it slow. One night we got into another huge fight (alcohol induced).and we ended again. I thought for sure we were done. So I began to move on. 3 months go by and she starts texting me again. I this time ignored her text and didn't respond. Then she showed up to my house unannounced. I had another girl there. The other girl left and she and I talked that night. We worked it out and started dating again. This time it was consistent no arguing just fun. Then 3 months later she came to me and said "thank you for never giving up on me and I love you and want you to be my boyfriend". I was so happy and everything was smooth. We took trips and the whole 9. We still had our ups and downs. In October she found out she got a promotion for work and had to move 500miles away. I threw her a surprise going away party with all her close friends there. I also bought us a trip to an island to celebrate. I then threw her a private one on one party where I changed my house into a bistro with rose petals on the floor. She loved it. A few other things I've done. Took her on her first trip to Canada, her first trip to an island. She has never had a surprise party thrown for her. I gave her countless firsts. And she said she has never been treated so well by any man. She always said to me thank you for letting me be me and supporting my dreams and loving me for me. She has been there for me as well, supporting me at work, when I was in the hhospital, taking care of my dog, inviting me to all work events. Surprising me with gifts. In December she moved to her new location. We talk every night all night and still watch our favorite tv shows together. I sendnher surprise things for her house and flowers. She sends me love notes. I went down for 2 weeks spent Christmas and new years with her. We had a tiff while I was there. Now the core of our arguing she feels i may resent her later because she is driven by her career and not sure if she will want kids. I have always supported her drive and never made mention of having kids anytime soon. Just mentioned I'd love to live together when she was ready. She said to me before her move she was looking at large apartments just in case I do move there. She does make statements such as "babe when we get married and have kids...." I went to visit her again 2 weeks later from (1/16-1/21/14)and we had a blast. I was set to go visit her again actually today (2/13/14) for V day. Well two weeks ago she was at work and text me baby i cant wait for you to come see me. That night she went out and called me she got home. She was drunk she was saying "baby I love you" "I miss you" "I can't wait to see you" "you should come see me now". I started to pack to go. While packing (while on the phone with her) she said she had been thinking about us today and she thought about how much i love her and how i always show her. She then said that she is trying to catch up to me with her love and she wants to love me equally the same. she flipped and started cussing me out. Then hung up on me. Called back crying and said she was done and she didn't want to do this anymore. The next day I didn't hear from her. So I sent a simple text to see what the hell.was going on. She the. Text me and said we need to talk. So I called. She was silent for 5 minutes. I then spoke up and said it sounds like you want to end things but you won't say it. We talked and by the end of the conversation she said I need time to think and I love you. So I hung up. The next day I hopped on a plane unannounced to see her and talk. When I arrived she was shocked and was not ready to talk. That night we cuddled all night and she held.me tight. I left the next day and gave her space, when I was leaving her apartment she still had all our pictures up and the letters I sent hanging on her chart. She then emails me 5 days later saying "when you came to my house unannounced 500miles away I realized I want to be in love with someone the way you are with me. I have been trying for 2 years to get those feelings and they have not come. We fight and I am drained. I am thankful for you teaching me how to communicate and being patient with me. I don't want to do this but it is not easy to stay nor easy to leave". But its time to let go.

I am lost and in shock and confused please help.

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In my experience, if a relationship is on-again, off-again like this, it was never very stable to begin with... at least for the person who's doing the breaking up.

 

You did everything you possibly could to show you care. You even gave her space! Sounds like you did everything RIGHT.

 

But this says everything you need to know:

 

"I want to be in love with someone the way you are with me. I have been trying for 2 years to get those feelings and they have not come."

 

No matter how YOU feel about her, this relationship has run its course. She's done, and you need to accept it. Sorry brother, but luckily you'll find someone else. She just wasn't the right one for the long term.

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Ill be honest, I read the first three lines and can tell that it was going to be a rollercoaster ride.

She likes your company, but doesn't want to be tied down by you. She is waiting for someone else and you are not her ideal guy. That's the truth.

If someone wants to be with you, they would be with you with two open arms. You on the other hand are blinded by love. No matter how hard you try, you cant make a leopard into a tiger, beer into wine, and a woman who doesn't love you into loving you.

Dont relive what she promised or what she said or the amazing times together. There is no romantic future between her and you. You can say Im full of it and try and waste years of your life proving us wrong, or you can just accept and move on.

A beautiful relationship is not supposed to be so bumpy or difficult. Sure you will have your rough times but its how you two work together instead of working against one another. Let her go....youll find someone else.

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