Batya33 Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 You DON'T know what his rights are because hell ya don't even know what country he is from. Laws are not transposable. And methinks he probably didn't ask a lawyer squat. He just wants to bail and that's that. But that's the thing, we don't know what he has done or not done. I am sure the mother didn't inquire of any attorney or social worker prior to deciding to defraud the OP - she decided to bail on this child when she made that decision. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Yes, maybe he lives in Afghanistan and sharia law or something would treat this differently. I'm not aware of any democratic country where it's ok to adopt some other man's child without his knowledge. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 We have no idea where he lives and we do not know the country or state specific family laws. But I do not know of any place where you merely whip out a paternity test and bam, you have no rights when you've already been established as legal dad, which he says he has. Those rights still exist until they are disestablished. Therefore, they are enforceable UNTIL/if they are disestablished. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 And if you bail on your kid because your heart might get a boo boo I don't think that says a lot for someone' s character . Parenting is a hard job and your heart is going to get a boo-boo now and again. And if you can't handle the job don't do it. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 We have no idea where he lives and we do not know the country or state specific family laws. But I do not know of any place where you merely whip out a paternity test and bam, you have no rights when you've already been established as legal dad, which he says he has. Those rights still exist until they are disestablished. Therefore, they are enforceable UNTIL/if they are disestablished. The United States is one. Link to comment
Lorem Ipsum Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 That was a huge mistake! But I don't understand his logic -- "I'm not living with my wife and I don't like changing diapers so I'm not going to see my kid until she or he is past that phase". It was very naive of him but he did abandon them by failing to remain in the kid's life. Sucks for him, but she's doing the "hard part" by getting up for hourly feedings while he's off somewhere. It's understandable she wouldn't want to share 50/50 custody with him and see him play 'happy family' with their kid and his next girlfriend.. Well, she was the one to leave and move back in with her parents. And yes, it was stupid and naive of him to give her the space she asked for. At that point, they weren't sure if they were going to divorce or not, she wanted time to think about it. He didn't know that it could be held against him in court later. As far as he knew, she had left him and taken the baby. When he did try to come and visit once, she told him not to come. But, you live and you learn. Unfortunately, neither of them are candidates for Parent of the Year, any year. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 The United States is one. Yes, I've read cases where the mother can prove that the kid isn't biologically the supposed father's and he loses his rights despite wanting to be in the kid's life. A father can also have his name removed from the birth certificate if he can go to court and prove via DNA that it's not his child. If it's not his child, it's not his child. He didn't have a hand in making the baby so he can legally walk away. In a way, maybe it's better because like I said before, if the mother wants him gone, she can get effectively remove him from the child's life. All it takes is ONE restraining order. No visitation, done. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 The United States is one. Well since she JUST went through custody with her own child ( in the US)and dealt with lawyers for more than a year about family law maybe you would like to tell her how it works? Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 No, wrong. If he is legal dad, then he does have rights. Not saying that they are just there for the grabbing and he can see the child any time he wants - You are right about this. If there is no custody/visitation order in place, then Mom can do whatever she wants. That's really like any unwed couple without a court order in place. I am just saying that he IS legal dad(according to him), and therefore could petition for these things. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 The thing is if you love your child will go through anything just to have a relationship and a bond with that child. And if you don't ....well then you just bail and save yourself. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 The thing is if you love your child will go through anything just to have a relationship and a bond with that child. And if you don't ....well then you just bail and save yourself. 'Anything' in this case would mean subjugating his entire life and relationship with the kid and giving her complete control over all of it. He knows how she rolls so he knows it won't work. So it's leave the kid now, or leave the kid later. He's just choosing now. Gives all a head start on wherever they all go from here. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Well since she JUST went through custody with her own child ( in the US)and dealt with lawyers for more than a year about family law maybe you would like to tell her how it works? Already have several times. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 'Anything' in this case would mean subjugating his entire life and relationship with the kid and giving her complete control over all of it. He knows how she rolls so he knows it won't work. So it's leave the kid now, or leave the kid later. He's just choosing now. Gives all a head start on wherever they all go from here. No ,it's called giving up and not even trying because you don't give a crap. You don't even care enough about the kid to fight for him. That's what I call it. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 No ,it's called giving up and not even trying because you don't give a crap. You don't even care enough about the kid to fight for him. That's what I call it. Seems to run contrary to some tenets of Christianity. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Seems to run contrary to some tenets of Christianity. That is not what this topic is about so don't go there. Just because I don't agree with you doesn't mean you nitpick me personally , ok. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 It seems when people can't change people's minds they have to go in for the personal nitpicking and criticizing. Don't bother. Link to comment
Iggles Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 He didn't know that it could be held against him in court later. As far as he knew, she had left him and taken the baby. When he did try to come and visit once, she told him not to come. But, you live and you learn. Unfortunately, neither of them are candidates for Parent of the Year, any year. That's a sad situation all around.. Hopefully the kid has stable grandparents and aunts in the picture. The thing is if you love your child will go through anything just to have a relationship and a bond with that child. And if you don't ....well then you just bail and save yourself. It's NOT his child. Saying "if you love" then you would X, Y, or Z is emotional exploitative. Raising a child due to paternity fraud is not the same thing as making the conscious decision to adopt a child or become a step-parent. The emotional journey between the two are not comparable. At this juncture he could chose to continue being a father to this child (at which point filing legal petitions would make him a de facto adoptive father). Or he could choose for his mental well being to walk away and leave any lingering drama with the woman who frauded him behind. It's his choice. I don't think it's our place to judge, given that we are NOT in his shoes. Again, as a woman there is NO WAY you'd ever have to deal with the reality of finding out a child you through was yours biologically is actually the result of your husband cheating on you with another woman. 'Anything' in this case would mean subjugating his entire life and relationship with the kid and giving her complete control over all of it. He knows how she rolls so he knows it won't work. So it's leave the kid now, or leave the kid later. He's just choosing now. Gives all a head start on wherever they all go from here. If the kid was a teenager, then he could decide to stay in contact with the OP of his own volition, with little damage the Ex could cause to sour the relationship. But at 7, he is a package deal with the crazy mom and is vulnerable to believing whatever lies she can muster about the OP from now until he was able to go through the courts for visitation. And the next ten years or so would likely be a difficult at best. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Then really what we are arguing is what constitutes someone's child. And to me that includes somebody you've raised for seven years. If you guys don't then cool whatever. Link to comment
journeynow Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Your heart is in the right place, you just don't understand his position. There is no way he can fight for anything. He has no leg to stand on. Whatever rights he had were predicated on a lie which she has hard evidence of that she can expose resulting in no rights at all. As soon as she whips out that paternity test he has nothing, despite people wishing otherwise. After that I'd expect her to file a restraining order and the OP could land in jail for coking near the kid. It's just not feasible that the relationship could continue. I don't understand why he would have less rights than an adoptive father? He's been the legal father since birth, being on the birth certificate, and has been the father for 7 years. Link to comment
Iggles Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Then really what we are arguing is what constitutes someone's child. And to me that includes somebody you've raised for seven years. If you guys don't then cool whatever. Grandparents. Aunts. Uncles. Elders sisters and brothers: All people who could raise a child for seven years in a parental role, even be the legal guardian. They very rarely say "I am so and so's mom or dad", even if that's the role they have taken in the child's life. If their spouse was to divorce, most people wouldn't expect the non blood relative to share 50/50 custody. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Ya ain't gonna change my mind. And I am not going to change yours so POINTLESS discussion. Link to comment
journeynow Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Blue nose, I just read a few of your earlier posts. What a heart- and gut-wrenching story. I am so sorry you have gone through all this. I don't know if your life can get "back" to feeling normal anytime soon. I think you have a healing road ahead. I wish you well. It is heartbreaking and gut-wrenching for the boy-who-was-but-now-isn't your son. I think you'll be grieving the loss of that relationship, and please get help or talk to someone if you need it, whether now or later. Link to comment
kamurj Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 The thread has run its course Link to comment
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