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I'm cutting ties


Blue nose

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After recently finding out that my son is not mine I've decided have my name removed from the birth certificate and severe all ties. I've also sought legal advice, and shall be taking my ex to court for paternity fraud. I'm not doing this out of spite. I just feel dirty by this whole experience.

 

The last couple of days being away from them both I have felt huge burden lifted off of me. She refuses to tell me who the father is which I feel I have a right to know. After all sixty grand is a lot of money to be paying for somebody else's child.

 

Hopefully when this over and done with for good I can get my life back with some normality.

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What about him? What about his sense of normalcy? What about the fact that you're the only father he's ever known and now you're turning your back on him?

 

He is going to think he did something wrong, think his daddy doesn't love him anymore because of something defective inside him. My GOD, man. If you insist on doing this, you owe answering every one of his 20,000 questions he undoubtedly has for you, and answered with kindness, kid-friendly and the love in your heart you claim you had for him. Give him some freaking reassurance. He's going to internalize it to a degree anyhow, but you can help him.

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What about him? What about his sense of normalcy? What about the fact that you're the only father he's ever known and now you're turning your back on him?

 

He is going to think he did something wrong, think his daddy doesn't love him anymore because of something defective inside him. My GOD, man. If you insist on doing this, you owe answering every one of his 20,000 questions he undoubtedly has for you, and answered with kindness, kid-friendly and the love in your heart you claim you had for him. Give him some freaking reassurance. He's going to internalize it to a degree anyhow, but you can help him.

My guess he is much to worried about himself to care about the child. It is so so so sad. It is a sad disgusting situation to make a child pay. It really really is.

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Even if this guy wanted to stay in the child's life, since he has zero parental rights she would complete control their relationship. She could decide at any time he can't ever see the kid again until he's not a minor. After lying to him about paternity and scamming him for 60k I would in fact expect she would continue to use the kid for her own purposes to exert control or revenge on the OP.

 

Sadly, I think his hands are pretty much tied. I feel for the kid, but mom is 100% responsible and controls what happens.

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I take it because you were considered as the father before your discovery of betrayal, you were granted responsibilities and money as his carer, so you got benefits from that, which this cow is no doubt leeching off of. Sounds like this bimbo just had a kid so she didn't have to work and leech off the welfare system for fast cash she doesn't have to work to earn. A lot of women do this to get a flat ahead of others who aren't lazy and do work, whether they have kids or not. I think since the law takes baby care so seriously, they will surely get priority over most, which sadly some nefarious women think is right to be played up on. If I were you, I'd save yourself the bother and leave the slag to it. She sounds like a lying cow, which you are being made a fool of.

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I don't know where OP lives, but I can only assume his attorney told him that the courts would be in favor of disestablishing paternity, whereas if he lived where I do, it'd be an unlikely event after all this time(7 years) - especially without bio dad stepping in to establish his own rights.

 

However, the OP made this decision himself with no mention of what mom will or might do, or anything about the boy other than he feels better being away from them both. It's not a matter of "I tried, it's not possible.", but "I feel dirty, I want to wash my hands of this." It's all that can be inferred at this point. That's gross. As a person, it disgusts me. As a woman, she disgusts me. And as a mother, my heart aches for that little boy.

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I don't know where OP lives, but I can only assume his attorney told him that the courts would be in favor of disestablishing paternity, whereas if he lived where I do, it'd be an unlikely event after all this time(7 years) - especially without bio dad stepping in to establish his own rights.

 

However, the OP made this decision himself with no mention of what mom will or might do, or anything about the boy other than he feels better being away from them both. It's not a matter of "I tried, it's not possible.", but "I feel dirty, I want to wash my hands of this." It's all that can be inferred at this point. That's gross. As a person, it disgusts me. As a woman, she disgusts me. And as a mother, my heart aches for that little boy.

 

Amen. It is gross to ditch a child you raised and called your son. He is not his mother but he is being made to pay for what his mother did. It is the child that deserves the pity. Initially I felt some compassion for the OP as he had been tricked. But now I have zero compassion because he has none for a little innocent boy.

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I don't know where OP lives, but I can only assume his attorney told him that the courts would be in favor of disestablishing paternity, whereas if he lived where I do, it'd be an unlikely event after all this time(7 years) - especially without bio dad stepping in to establish his own rights.

 

However, the OP made this decision himself with no mention of what mom will or might do, or anything about the boy other than he feels better being away from them both. It's not a matter of "I tried, it's not possible.", but "I feel dirty, I want to wash my hands of this." It's all that can be inferred at this point. That's gross. As a person, it disgusts me. As a woman, she disgusts me. And as a mother, my heart aches for that little boy.

 

Well, who would be so foolish to put themselves into a position where a woman with a past like this is in complete control? She decides one day she likes a new man better and never wants to see OP again and that's that. That's taking too great of a risk - many people probably could not even survive that experience. It's about what mom can do, mentioned or not, and what she can do is take the kid away for good anytime she pleases. She created this mess and I don't fault the OP for just wanting to get out of the situation.

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Well, who would be so foolish to put themselves into a position where a woman with a past like this is in complete control? She decides one day she likes a new man better and never wants to see OP again and that's that. That's taking too great of a risk - many people probably could not even survive that experience. It's about what mom can do, mentioned or not, and what she can do is take the kid away for good anytime she pleases. She created this mess and I don't fault the OP for just wanting to get out of the situation.

 

If they were married he is assumed to be the father anyway. So he does have legal rights. The story that he doesn't have legal rights is a load of crap.

 

So you're telling me that if you found out one of your children wasn't yours would abandon them no thoughts whatsoever? Is that right ? That little child that looks into your face and called you daddy you would abandon them ?

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If they were married he is assumed to be the father anyway. So he does have legal rights. The story that he doesn't have legal rights is a load of crap.

 

So you're telling me that if you found out one of your children wasn't yours would abandon them no thoughts whatsoever? Is that right ? That little child that looks into your face and called you daddy you would abandon them ?

 

I'm sure this is incorrect. So if the paternal father resurfaces the courts are going to tell him he's not entitled to his biological child simply because his mom married some dude? No way. She probably lied to the paternal father and he doesn't even know. He actually deserves to know so he has an opportunity to be a father to his child.

 

I get how emotional this is, but yes, I would get out out of the situation completely. I couldn't stand to play father for potentially several more years knowing at any time the other shoe could drop and his crazy woman would end it all.

 

Would it be easy or with no thought? Of course not. It would be no different from losing a child, as in death, so in other words it will be devastating and something he'll never get over, but I don't any other possible options.

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Ah so you would abandon a child. Great.

 

Personally ,I have no compassion or 1 ounce of respect for somebody who would do that.

 

I would not be able to function daily under the very real anxiety that the relationship with the child is controlled completely be a crazy woman who harbors I'll feelings towards me and has done similarly treacherous hints before. I literally think I would have a heart attack after a couple of months, never be able to sleep, etc.

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He signed AOP, birth cert, etc. He IS legal father, though not bio. He is trying to disestablish paternity now, which will strip him of his rights and obligations if a judge so decides. Which he/she could say, "Uh, no. You've been father for 7 years, have a well-established relationship with boy and have been providing financially for him, is not in his best interests, BYE."

 

It's just not that simple...

 

Possible options is that he could NOT try to disestablish paternity. He COULD set up a visitation schedule, as legal dad. And suing his ex for paternity fraud, well that's fabulous. Cut the financial support off to the child and then take food out of his mouth by drawing more money from her. You can argue with me about "Well, what did SHE do, paternity fraud, etc", but I frankly don't give a damn what she did nor have I ever in this particular situation, other than she was a knowing trickster. I care that this innocent child lives well and eats well. You punish the parent, you indirectly punish the child.

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She can disestablish paternity at any time regarless of his wishes. It doesn't matter what he signed because none of it would be valid when the biological evidence she can choose to present is considered. Remember there is a paternal father out there with rights as well. And based on her behavior it's what I would expect.

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Sadly, I think his hands are pretty much tied. I feel for the kid, but mom is 100% responsible and controls what happens.

I'm sure this is incorrect. So if the paternal father resurfaces the courts are going to tell him he's not entitled to his biological child simply because his mom married some dude? No way. She probably lied to the paternal father and he doesn't even know. He actually deserves to know so he has an opportunity to be a father to his child.

 

Responding to both of those, it rests on whether or not the OP was married to his wife when she gave birth. If he was, then the OP is the legal father. I think you have up to a year or two to establish paternity -- you can demand a DNA test and if the kid isn't yours legally you will be exonerated.

 

If you miss that window, DNA doesn't matter. In the eyes of the court you are the legal father of the child. Child support and money for education is your responsibility. If the bio dad comes on the scene years later, it doesn't matter. He has zero rights to the kid.

 

I've heard of a horrible case where the woman committed paternity fraud. The husband found out she had been cheating on him and divorced her, but was ordered to pay child support. She then shacked up with the child's biological father. Did not matter to the courts. He still is paying child support even though the kid lives with his mother and bio dad!

 

Would it be easy or with no thought? Of course not. It would be no different from losing a child, as in death, so in other words it will be devastating and something he'll never get over, but I don't any other possible options.

 

This is an important distinction to make. The OP has been dealt a horrible blow. He is severing ties not because he doesn't care. It's because he cares so much.

 

Some men can bounce back and stay a part of the child's life. But it's wrong to expect that of everyone. As women we will never know what it's like to find out your child, born of your partner whom you love and trusted, is not your kid. When we give birth, we know we are the birth mother. No doubts. It's the lowest of the low of a woman to abuse that trust with her husband/boyfriend/Ex. Until such day DNA testing is mandatory at the hospital, despicable women will continue to get away with this. Let's be real, if the OP had asked her for a test he would be called the vilest of names and judged by everyone in his community for the mere suggestion!

 

I feel sad for this boy. But his mother is the one to blame. He has been lied to all his life, just as the OP was misled. He was denied knowing his biological dad and now with the truth revealed is losing the only father he was known.

 

It's tragic, but I strongly believe you have to help yourself before you can help others! The OP needs to be "selfish" right now because he has been deeply wounded by the toxic relationship and her years of lies + mistreatment! What some people may label selfish, I see as self preservation and necessary self healing.

 

Best of luck, OP! This is a difficult situation but you are handling it the best you can.

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I don't know where OP lives
Given his user name, I would guess Nova Scotia, but that is just a guess.

 

I can understand why you want to do this, Blue nose, but I echo the others when I say it's a shame that this boy is going to have to pay the real price of it all. Both from his mother and you. He didn't ask for any of this. You could still, if you wanted to, arrange for visitation where you didn't even see the mother, provided she was willing. But, given how acrimonious this is all around (paternity fraud? Is there such a thing?), I can understand why she wouldn't be. Frankly, if you really just want to walk away and wash your hands of all of this, I don't understand how a legal suit is going to facilitate that. Court records are public. One day, this boy you called and loved as your son may look them up and read it all for himself.

 

I just hope this poor child has someone in his life, like grandparents, who are there for him. Someone who will advocate for him and see to it that he gets the therapy he's so desperately going to need to cope with all of this. Your soon-to-be-ex, she made this bed and she can lie in it she deserves whatever gets thrown at her, as far as I'm concerned, but what she's done to her child is heinous. I just hope this teaches her about honesty for the future.

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She cannot just do that at any old random time. Yes, it would still be valid. When you sign AOPs and birth certs, you are acknowledging yourself as the father. When there's a long-standing relationship(and there's a statute of limitations in many places to contest paternity), the courts will be like...Well...you had all this time...Now there's a well-established relationship/support - Nope.

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It's not a case of just abandoning the child. After having been deceived and manipulated by a woman he loved, do you honestly think he wants to have her in his life forever? By continuing to be in the child's life, he has to continue being in hers! That must seem like a nightmare given what he has been through and do you really think that a woman who is capable of that will stick to his visitation rights? She will mess him around and pick and chose when he lets him see the child and if he has a problem with that he has to go though even more legalities. Look at it from his point of view. Lecturing him about his decision is not anyone's place to do so. Nobody knows how they would truly react if put in the same situation. It is not something you can really know unless you experience it and I'm sure his mind is not in the best state to be making selfless decisions right now.

 

Having said all that, OP I do think you are acting out of anger right now. To sue her for paternal fraud just seems like you are acting out revenge. Like someone else posted, you will in effect just be punishing the boy you once considered your son. Think about the boy and how his needs will be taken care of if his mother is financially drained.

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