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Stages of a relationship, thoughts?


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Hello again,

 

While healing after my recent breakup, I have bumped into an interesting article in the internet. It tells about 6 stages of relationship, pretty interesting and educational, in my opinion.

 

The article was written in my native language, so I'll post my translation here (I apologize beforehand for any mistakes, English is not my native language).

"6 stages of a relationship

 

1. Romantic period

 

This period lasts from 3 to 18 months. When a man and a woman meet and develop feelings for each other, special hormones are being produced by their bodies making them see the world through rose colored glasses. During this period everything seems perfect about their new partner: appearance, voice and even some negative traits seem cute. At this stage both of the partners are almost as if they were high. During this stage it is crucial not to take any life-changing decisions, because the effect of this "drug" will sooner or later pass.

 

2. Satiety

 

The storm of feelings and emotions slowly calms down. You start to look at your partner in a more reasonable way, see his or hers pluses and minuses. You start to get used to your partner and begin to open up slowly, feel more comfortable and at ease.

 

3. Aversion

 

This is an absolutely necessary period for all long-term relationships. Fights occur during this stage and it feels as if you both concentrate on each other drawbacks', they suddenly become so huge and hard to cope with. The easiest and the worst way out of this stage is a breakup or a divorce. What's so bad in quitting such relationship? You will get rid of familiar relationship and start everything all over again with a new partner.

 

4. Patience

 

You still have occasional fights, but they are not that fatal anymore for your relationship as you both know that hard times will end and everything will be good again. If BOTH partners work on developing patience, they will receive relationship wisdom as a reward.

 

5. Debt or respect period

 

This is - the first stage of love. Before this stage both of the partners were not truly in love and I will explain why: only on this stage each partner starts to think of what he or she can do for his loved one instead of wondering what can he or she get. The understanding of being responsible for the development of relationship comes during this period.

 

6. Friendship

 

You have really become close and dear to each other. You trust each other completely. Friendship is a serious prerequisite for a true love.

 

7. Love

 

True love doesn't come easy. Both partners have to walk a long road before reaching this stage. Love can be learnt through different life situations. True love does not come as a surprise (as a common belief), it has to be developed by both partners who have to grow personally and let go of their egos.

 

Many couples consider first stage as "true love". But as soon as romance fades away, rose colored glasses fall off, the first difficulties and relationship tests come. And a lot of people make a mistake of thinking that the love has gone and they break up. But the truth is that the love hasn't even started yet." ©

 

My personal 2 cents:

 

I do believe this article is good and that the love indeed has to be developed. However, it is important to remember that BOTH partners have to take part in it. E.g. if one partner does try everything to make it work while other is just less mature or simply does not want anything serious at this point of his or her life, these recommendations will rarely help unless the other party will manage to somehow put these ideas into other partner's head.

 

Your thoughts?

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Lucha.....she will not open her eyes.

She lives in the infatuation phase. And that is her choice.

 

Yes I know. Unfortunately. I keep stumbling upon these great articles that could really change her view on things. IF she wanted to, that is.

 

She texted and called today, because today was my grandmother's funeral. I didn't answer.. Bc I know this is about her, wanting to be friends, feeling guilty maybe, not about me.

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I went into that phase sometime after the BU. I wanted to show these articles and this stuff I read to my Ex to "open her eyes", to show her what was wrong, that she was wrong, in hope to make her reasoning. It's not worth it, nothing will change them, they chose to leave us. It's a legitimate choice. We have to respect.

 

And we have to understand that it's not rational thinking. We DON'T want to be with someone who hurt us real bad. The problem is our mind keeps reminding us of the good times, of how CONFORTABLE and SAFE we were with them. But that's PAST. PRESENT = they hurt us real bad, they're not good for us. We have to be brave and regain control of ourselves.

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