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In pain right now...


georgiaa

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Hi

 

Let me explain the situation : I was with my ex for 2 and a half years and in January 2013, I broke up with him because I needed to be alone for a while, to go out, to be single but also I was done with his "no change" attitude. Every time we faced an issue, most of the time it was due to him not having enough guts to do something with his life. I was literally suffocating in this relationship so I ended it. He spent 2 months trying to get me back, showing to my apartment at nights, ect. He was miserable because he has lost me and I was because too but not only because of the breakup. Anyway we spent months and months together again, hiding it from our friends and family, just to help each other get back on tracks but obviously we still had feelings for each other. This lasted for months, and there we are, in December 2013 when I became the needy one. I was at a difficult place in my life and needed him more than ever. He, on the other hand, got his life back on tracj (job, apartment) and I began to feel some distant between us. In a nutshell, he wanted to make his life and future top priority. And the end of the month, I asked him if he wanted us to be officially back together, and he accepted. But 15 days after, I decided to end this because I wasn't feeling him, he was distant. He told me that he wasn't ready, that he wanted to change and focus on his own life, and was afraid he wouldn't be there enough for our relationship to work.

I went a week NC then called him back to get my stuff back. He came to my place, telling me the same things (not ready, wanted to focus on himself), we got into an argument, I cried, he cried a lot too, saying he wasn't ready to lose me, that he loved me more than anything, he couldn't leave my place that night because of him crying that much, we were both in a huge pain. He slept on my couch and left the following morning, texted me after that but I went again on NC for a couple days. We saw each other again after that at a party at his friend's, and some of them were hitting on me, he came and said "she's my girlfriend so let it go". I didn't' understood... We kept seeing each other for weeks and he told me he wanted me back as his girlfriend, that we had to work things out but he was ready to be with me again (he told his friends and family about his decision)I accepted, saying that I wanted things to go slowly, that I had to protect myself, ect. then again... he became distant after a few days. I called him, he told me that he wasn't sure he could give me anything I needed, that he wanted to focus on himself again, ect. but couldn't picture his life without me. And there we are...

 

I'm going NC again, but as you may guess, I'm in a bad place right now, I'm suffering and I don't know what to do... I blocked his number, Facebook, ect. to really complete the 30 days of NC but I want him back (plus, he still has extra keys of my apartment and some other stuff that I need but I don't want to contact him)

 

What do I do now?

Thanks for reading me, I'm looking forward to your answers and advice

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Well...he was broken and you wanted to fix him. You succeeded in your goal. He is now fixed. Just one problem, now that he is fixed, he doesn't see you as an asset or of value in his life. He doesn't need you anymore. Tough break.

 

In the future two things. One, don't get involved with someone you need to fix to be right for you. Two, when you break up, make sure you mean it and truly end things. No more talking, no more contact, etc. You move on with your life and don't use each other as crutches. It will backfire on you every single time.

 

So, get your things from him and end this clean. Move on. No more contact. No more excuses to touch base. Time for you to look to your own future and well being and focus fully on taking care of you and your own problems.

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