Airman89 Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 I've been seeing a girl now for about 1 month and we are still not "dating" but I am wanting to. Anyway, the other day she told me that if I want to date her I'll need her cousins approval (A female). They are living under the same roof. I was thinking about buying them both flowers and have them delivered to their house because her cousin is recently single again and maybe this would cheer her up. My questions are: 1. Is this a good idea in the first place? 2. If so, what kind of flower's should I buy her cousin? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 I've been seeing a girl now for about 1 month and we are still not "dating" but I am wanting to. Anyway, the other day she told me that if I want to date her I'll need her cousins approval (A female). I was thinking about buying them both flowers and have them delivered to their house because her cousin is recently single again and maybe this would cheer her up. My questions are: 1. Is this a good idea in the first place? I have to admit, this seems really really bizarre. WHY on earth would you need her cousin's approval?? Buying them flowers seems equally bizarre. (Have you even met the cousin?). That comes accross as trying to BUY her approval. People shouldn't have to buy people's approval (imo). I say it's a really bad idea, but maybe that's just me. Link to comment
missmarple Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 How old is that girl? Link to comment
DancingFool Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 Borderline creepy and a very blatant attempt to buy your way in, which will just backfire. Be straight with what you want and have enough self respect not to get pulled into games. If she is over 12 years old, she doesn't need anyone's approval but her own. I sincerely hope she was just messing with you and you failed to get the joke. Link to comment
CeeLambrini Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 If she was being serious, this proves that your girlfriend-to-be can't make her own choices even when it comes to relationships. You shouldn't have to prove to anyone but her that you are worthy of being her boyfriend. If you have to jump through these ridiculous hoops now, what kind of bizarre challenges are to come? I think trying to buy your way into her cousins approval is way too transparent, if you are willing to humour these disrespectful requests of her then the best way to go about it is to actually sit down and let the cousin get to know you. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 Bad idea. Find someone who actually likes you. This is the kind of crap people pull when they are just enjoying having someone on the hook for attention and ego boosts. Link to comment
Airman89 Posted February 13, 2014 Author Share Posted February 13, 2014 Ok I guess I should have given more details. Yes I know her cousin and have met her. We have talked and all had a few drinks together 10+ times. Her cousin is 30, she is 23. She has told me that her cousin likes me which is rare because every other guy she has brought around, her cousin didn't like. Lastly, she told me she needs her cousins approval if we ever date, while in front of her cousin joking around. Sorry I wasn't clear enough. I just thought it would be a good gesture to buy her cousin some flowers for valentines day as well, seeing how she won't have a valentine. Link to comment
savignon Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Flowers are too much/too romantic but if you wanted to make a gesture maybe a small box of chocolates. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I wouldn't buy her any gift related to V-day. The next time you all go out I would offer to treat both of them (nothing too fancy though). Don't try to win her over or buy her approval in any way - and I'd proceed with caution because even if she likes you and "approves" that could change in a heartbeat. I'd find someone who is her own person. Obviously many people want their families' approval of who they get serious with but most adults will not make that a dealbreaker unless the reason has to do with something very extreme and not simply "we don't like the way he wears his hair". Link to comment
CeeLambrini Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I think while you're including her cousin in your little Valentines day charm, you are also going to be making your girlfriend feel less special. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 I just thought it would be a good gesture to buy her cousin some flowers for valentines day as well, seeing how she won't have a valentine. Really really bad idea. The cousin shouldn't even be in the picture, at all (imo). Again, I don't understand WHY she needs her cousin's appproval?? Doesn't she have parents? Link to comment
Lorem Ipsum Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 I just thought it would be a good gesture to buy her cousin some flowers for valentines day as well, seeing how she won't have a valentine.Well, since you know these women, I would suggest that if you buy the woman you're dating a dozen red roses (for example), then you get the cousin something "harmless" like a Gerbera daisy or maybe some potted bulbs that you find at the supermarket (cheap and cheerful instead of romantic). There are many places online that will tell you what flowers "mean", but they can be contradictory and no one wants to get pine boughs or something just because another flower has a more romantic meaning. But buying roses in any other colour even yellow (friendship) wouldn't be a good idea. Part of me thinks it's a sweet thing you're trying to do, part of me thinks it's somewhat manipulative/not a good idea. If you're convinced that this is what you want to do, then you should do it and let the chips fall where they may. Just be sure to keep the dollar amounts geared so it's obvious that it's the woman you're dating who you're spending money on/treating more special and give her her flowers first. Alternately, you may want to get the cousin an inexpensive chocolate heart (like from the drug store), a small bag of Hershey Kisses or something small like that. Anyway, to a certain extent I can understand why she may want the cousin's blessing. She may look up to the cousin as a big sister. She may have made bad relationship choices in the past and feels she needs someone with a clearer head to see things that she has overlooked. It may not be the most mature thing, but maybe she gets some comfort from it, not feeling she's 100% responsible for these choices, that someone else is helping her avoid the duds. But I would say it's something to watch. If she was older, I would say it's a red flag but given her age, maybe she just needs to grow up a little, which will happen naturally in time. Link to comment
Airman89 Posted February 15, 2014 Author Share Posted February 15, 2014 As it turns out, I didn't even get to see her on valentines day. She is a waitress and worked til close, then just wanted to spend time with her cousin drinking wine. This is a sure sign that she's not into me right? Not even wanting to see me on valentines day? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 As it turns out, I didn't even get to see her on valentines day. She is a waitress and worked til close, then just wanted to spend time with her cousin drinking wine. This is a sure sign that she's not into me right? Not even wanting to see me on valentines day? I agree that she's probably not that into you. I'm sorry! Link to comment
Airman89 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Share Posted February 16, 2014 She texted me last night wanting to know what I was doing, I never text her back, then she calls me this morning and texts me non stop all day. What is she doing, I don't get this. She just talks about anything and everything, randomly. I feel like she's trying to push me away to make me chase her, but she tries to, and then realizes that she's going to lose me because I wont play that game, and then starts txting/calling me all day. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 I would tell her you are too busy to text but ask her if she is free next Saturday for dinner. If she says anything but yes or says no but reschedules right away, move on. Link to comment
CeeLambrini Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 I would also take into account that her not seeing you on Valentines day doesn't necessarily mean she has lost interest. I think if her cousin had no other plans but to stay home by herself, and your girl is very close to her - perhaps you're not yet serious enough for her to "ditch" her cousin for you on Valentines day. But I would also take the above advice as well. I personally think if what I said above is the case, then I would have probably done the same thing. However if this is going to be a pattern (every Friday night) and she feels guilty moving into a relationship while her cousin isn't, then I think it would be better for you to move on. Her cousin being alone isn't your problem so you shouldn't have to stick it out when you're not enjoying yourself. Link to comment
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