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Here I am again..


muso

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..after a few months, mainly posting to vent, as I have just broken up and don't really have anyone to talk to about this stuff. But any responses are welcome and appreciated.

 

I posted a few months back about some problems I was having with my (now ex) gf of 8 months that I met online. Needless to say the problems we were having back then continued to the point that tonight I told her that I wanted to have a break, and she told me to f*** off.

 

It came to a head today after yesterday I hadn't heard from her all day, so texted her after work to say hi. She seemed a bit off in her reply, so I asked what's wrong and she says she's feeling a bit down. I said I was sorry to hear that and asked what was wrong, she says she just doesn't feel like anything's going the way she wants it to right now. I said I was sorry to hear that and asked if I should come over, she says no, she just wants to go to bed. Now obviously I'm not feeling great about this situation, as due to past situations like this, that it's at least partly to do with me - but I don't have any specifics. I said I hoped she feels better and left it at that.

 

This morning, at about 10am she texts and says she thought that I would have texted her by now to see how she is. Now I consciously decided I would text her at lunch time, as I had a lot on at work and new it would be an ongoing distraction, as we seem to always get into some kind of thing when we have ongoing text conversations. As predicted that is exactly what happened from then on, I asked if she wanted to meet for lunch, she says she has too much to do at work. I say should I come over after work she says if you want to, I say do you want me to, she says I want you to want to... etc etc...

 

So I decided I had to tell her I wanted a break, I just felt so sick and tired of the whole situation happening again and again.. I went to her place after work intending to try and be honest and calm and talk it through.. yeah right... it quickly turned into a slanging match and her last words to me as I left were f*** you... I have sent her a text and an email to say that I was sorry it ended like that, she hasn't replied.

 

These types of 'issues' have been happening at least once every couple of weeks since the end of the honeymoon period 5-6 months ago now... The crux of it is that she is constantly saying that I am not affectionate enough, do not make her feel special enough, etc... She is quite insecure I think and needs a more intense level of affection than I seem to be able to give her... I feel like she's constantly telling me these things and it has just worn me down to the point that I recently I haven't looked forward to hanging out with her because I am just wondering when the next 'issue' is going to arise... I am definitely not perfect and some of what she says is true, I feel like I have tried to behave differently towards her but I just can't... I guess the bottom line is that if we were going to work out long-term, this sort of stuff wouldn't be happening... I care for her a lot, but I can't say that I love her... I don't know if that's something that can come in time, or is 8 months long enough to find out...

 

I'm 35, she's a couple of years younger, and I know that she is worried about missing out on the whole wedding/kids thing that is happening to a lot of her friends and mine... To be honest I'm feeling that a bit too, I'm no spring chicken anymore and have never been a hit with the ladies, so the thought of being back to square one is quite depressing... anyway I guess I've ranted long enough, if you've read this far thanks and hope your life is a little less drama free than mine right now!

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Well it is over so your life should be drama free now too as long as you maintain no contact with her.

 

Some people need more affection than others. I would not necessarily call her insecure as there may be a guy out there who gives the level of you attention and affection she wants.

 

The fact you got tired of it is a good thing. It means that you did the best you could ... both of you ... but you are just not compatible.

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Thanks for the reply.. I agree with your points, it's a shame but yeah I guess we are just not compatible, hopefully we both can find the right person in the future.

 

Bit worried about the no contact thing - as we have concert tickets and an overseas trip booked together over the next few weeks...

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