kathy679 Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Love is blind though, so reading the book has helped me and given me guidance. Ive also being reading No contact rule, also by the same lady. When you are in the situation, ur perspective is clouded. But when you go NC all becomes clear and your perspctive is more objective instead of being subjective. Its really helped me anyway. Link to comment
kathy679 Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Im having a bit of a setback though....totally doubting myself and my decision to cut him off. But this man abandoned me when i lost our child, ignored me when i was severely depressed, gave me the run around about paying the bill, and was/is on an online dating site the whole time. I have no idea why i am doubting myself...maybe i want to believe that im wrong about him...that a person cannot be that cold....? I had the same thing with my ex. he abandoned me when i had an abortion. then went back and stayed at his previous ex house and was sleeping with her. Alswell as i recently found out he cheated on me the whole time we were together. It does cloud your judgement because you are going through other traumas aswell. Dont dout your desision to cut him off. Im in NC and its really helping. He doesnt deserve your time, you deserve someone who is there when you are at your lowest point, not a coward who runs away. Idk support needed Link to comment
Lucha Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Both of you have been dating absolute jerks !! No reason to doubt that. I mean, you lost his kid and his reaction is to walk away and shag another woman? What the. Really. Link to comment
Allipie Posted February 14, 2014 Author Share Posted February 14, 2014 Both of you have been dating absolute jerks !! No reason to doubt that. I mean, you lost his kid and his reaction is to walk away and shag another woman? What the. Really. Before i lost it he was super supportive then when i lost it he was like "im here if you need anything" and continued to ignore me or only talk to me when it involved paying the bill.. completely avoided anything regarding emotions. His reaction was pretty much the worst way to treat a woman after going through something so traumatic. The last thing i said to him was asking him to stop avoiding it and give me some support. I had to ask him to be a human being. Link to comment
Liraele Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Love is blind though, so reading the book has helped me and given me guidance. Ive also being reading No contact rule, also by the same lady. When you are in the situation, ur perspective is clouded. But when you go NC all becomes clear and your perspctive is more objective instead of being subjective. Its really helped me anyway. It's more like hindsight is 20/20. Sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees. I could probably throw a few more cliches at you that would apply. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 When you are up to your butt in alligators, it is hard to remind yourself to empty the swamp. Link to comment
Allipie Posted February 14, 2014 Author Share Posted February 14, 2014 When you are up to your butt in alligators, it is hard to remind yourself to empty the swamp. Hahaha i like that one Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 This is why I suggest that you'd do better in improving your self-esteem, confidence and self-worth. You'd not EVER want to be with a man like you describe to begin with if you were healthy with those attributes, never mind have trouble staying away. Sure you'd likely grieve the disappointment of him turning out not to be who you thought he was but you'd certainly never go back for more of the same or, stay years with. Better books that would actually help you rather then placate you would be on building personal boundaries so that you'd be confident and concerned enough about yourself to quickly distance yourself and stay gone from sociopathic twits. Here's some links that will help you fix what ails you (low self-love and confidence) rather then reading about him. You can change you, him you can do nothing about. link removed link removed Strive to be the best you that you can be. Link to comment
Allipie Posted February 15, 2014 Author Share Posted February 15, 2014 thatwasthen- Thank you for those links!! That book also goes into recognizing Fall back Girl tendencies...like why we do it etc and how to get ourselves out. Its basic but id like something more in depth. Those links will help. I think ill have ups and downs doubt wise for a bit but will get stronger once i continue to work on myself (Btw, from what i heard, karma totally kicked his butt last night!) Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 Are you saying that some chick has made him the "fallback guy" then, cause that's the only way I think Karma works. You get back what you gave so that you learn to understand that what you're doing is affecting others and you grow from it. (unless you're a sociopath of course and then even the devil won't be able to make them learn or care about others.) BTW: Your welcome (re the links). So: what is it that karma reaped upon him? Link to comment
Allipie Posted February 15, 2014 Author Share Posted February 15, 2014 Eep. Dont want details to go out lol Link to comment
kathy679 Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Both of you have been dating absolute jerks !! No reason to doubt that. I mean, you lost his kid and his reaction is to walk away and shag another woman? What the. Really. I know. How someone can do that is beyond me. That is what i dont understand and i think i never will....think my ex is a sociapath Link to comment
Allipie Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 I know. How someone can do that is beyond me. That is what i dont understand and i think i never will....think my ex is a sociapath Ill never understand it either. Actually WE cant understand because we are good people and are inclined to do the opposite of what they have done. When he needed me at 2am bc he was upset about something, i was there becausw it was the right thing to do. When i needed him, he left me to deal with it on my own. Link to comment
kathy679 Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Ill never understand it either. Actually WE cant understand because we are good people and are inclined to do the opposite of what they have done. When he needed me at 2am bc he was upset about something, i was there becausw it was the right thing to do. When i needed him, he left me to deal with it on my own. Snap....he needed me when his son was in hospital, i was there. But when we need these men they run. They r just selfish through and through Link to comment
Allipie Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 Snap....he needed me when his son was in hospital, i was there. But when we need these men they run. They r just selfish through and through Exactly. And theyll just keep cycling through women. And one day wake uo and find themselves alone. Confession: Sometimes i wonder if he even feels bad Link to comment
FullOfLove Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Her site helped me get thru my break up! Need to re-read this book. Link to comment
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