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Should I stay or go back to my country?


Emilyem

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I moved with my family to the US 3 years ago. I felt very homesick since the very first days. It was in August so I wasn't in school yet, and I thought that when I go to school I'm gonna bond with some friends and not feel homesick anymore. However, that didn't happen. I realized that, although my English was okay, that my accent is different from others. So, I couldn't understand people and people couldn't understand me. So I didn't make ANY friends that year. On top of that, I had problems understanding the school system because it's so different from my country's school system. I got so depressed. Also, being away from my really close friends was affecting me. All those factors made me hate being away from my country so much. I wanted to go back so bad that I pretended to commit suicide so that my parents will get scared and send me back. I was in 8th grade that first year.

Then, after a really long struggling and bad times, my parents finally agreed to send me to visit my country in the summer. I was soo happy and excited. I planned not to go back to the US when I visit my country, but eventually I did come back again.

Second year (9th grade) was a little easier. I learned some things about the school system, but still didn't make any friends. I think its because I'm kinda shy plus the accent factor. I was so lonely in 8th and 9th grade and that was KILLING me. Seriously, I've never been that depressed, but I tried my best to adapt to the situation, since my parents are really stubborn and wouldn't let me continue my life in my country. That year in the summer I expected my dad to send me for a visit again but he said no this time. I pretended for the second time to commit suicide, but it got serious this time. The police and an ambulance came. I ended up staying three days in an asylum.. Those were the worst days of my life. After I got out, my dad still said no about me visiting my country. That was in May. In July, he began to feel what I was going through so he bought me a ticket. I went there and had so much fun and.. came back again to the US. 10th grade was also easier. I finally made some friends because my English got better, but they aren't close friends.

Anyway.. Through those years I was really, really depressed and lonely. I hated my parents. I hated the US. I hated school. I hated my whole life.

In 11th grade (currently) I decided to try independent study because I really hated school for I was always lonely. I liked it!! My grades got so much better. I wasn't depressed anymore, although I was still lonely. But school was a really big issue for me.

So my question is: after all this, should I go back to my country after high school? Or should I stay since my English got much better and I started to like living here in the US? Knowing that I'd have a better education and future in the US.

My current plan is to move away when I get into college and start developing my own life, not having my parents involved in it, so that they won't mess it up as those past years. Will that work or would I feel the same way as the beginning? I honestly don't think so..

But there's a chance that I wouldn't be able to make friends in college like I couldn't in HS. However, if I went back to my country, it'll be so easy to make friends and I'd have my current friends around me.

So should I choose my future? Or myself not being lonely and live a happy life?

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I think you should challenge yourself and stay.

Better education... better opportunities.

 

And you are the one who restricted yourself.

Maybe your parents came here to offer you a better future?

You are the one trying to hold on to the past!

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As for the accent, listen carefully. Everyone around you has some kind of an accent - some stronger, some lesser, but people speak with many different accents in the US. What I am saying is that you are not unique, your accent is nothing special or different so don't let that stop you from succeeding. The accent is nothing more than your personal hangup.

 

As for the language, work on it and there are many ways how. Find a book that you would really enjoy reading and read it, but have a dictionary on hand. Every time you come accross a word you don`t know, look it up. By the time you are done with the book, your vocabulary will be ten times bigger than what you started with.

 

Spend time watching and reading the news daily. Both national and local. Understanding what is going on in the country is crucial, because it helps you fit in, understand the culture and most importantly, understand the humor, get the jokes. That is a huge part of feeling like you finally belong.

 

Ultimately, you have to commit to become at home where you are. The longer you are in the US, the more disconnected you are becoming from your old country. That place is changing and what you have in your mind and memory is like an old photograph - frozen in time. You are not there growing and changing with the times, so going back won't be as easy or pleasant as you think. It will also require adjusting on your part. Basically, choose your home and make it yours. It's a bit like buying a house. All you got is walls and a roof. Takes some work to make that house a home and start building some memories in it so that it is not cold and empty and foreign.

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