Jump to content

Meeting with my ex friend


Recommended Posts

I went to the gym yesterday and ran into his friend, she thought we were still together and invited us to her new condo. I didn't know what to say so I told her the truth. She was very sorry and promised not to mention anything about this breakup to him.

 

She asked me to go have lunch on Thursday of this week to sync up since we get along pretty well. I know it will be hard to not talk about it when I see her. I don't even know if she's able to bring us back together. I know I shouldn't want this but my emotions want to, and my logical brains tells me No, unless my mind is wrong.

 

Since that's my ex's friend and she's probably going to hang out with him a lot more than I do. I think I have to be careful about what I say. I won't go into the details, but I have already told her that it didn't work out because he couldn't man up and stand up to me when his family was intrusive.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Thanks

Jen

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well I think if you still hope to get back together it won't be through a mutual friend for sure. Plus you'll be talking about your intimacy as a couple with a friend of him. That leaves your in a delicate spot. At least don't tell her that you wish him back badly and are going through rough times. Maybe just talk about what happened and that you still stand by your position.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Avoid talking about him with his friend. It's an unfair situation to put the friend through. I had to remember this with my ex since we had many mutual friends. Some of those friends were more of MY friends so I could go all out on my feelings. With other people, they said stuff that infuriated me such as (I'm not saying he was a jerk, since I don't think that, but he made a poor choice and who knows maybe you guys could be together again). They are his friends and have some loyalty to him so I get it. My friends have not treated all their ex significant others pleasantly, and I'll tell that you my friends, but at the end of the day, they are my friends and I stick by their side. His friends will be the same as well.

 

You can go to lunch with this person but don't view it as an opportunity to get back together or vent about your problems. That's not fair to this other person and personally sounds like the start of a bad friendship. Just focus on the friendship and never mention your ex.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It sounds like you're getting your hopes up that this friend of his will be able to somehow get you back together. I'd really recommend NOT meeting up, coming down with a *cold* and cancelling.

 

Your ex and you were in counselling together. If the therapists couldn't help him cut through the mess of his family involvement and lack of commitment -- how is this one friend going to accomplish that? She can't be that close if she didn't even know you were broken up yet.

 

It's not worth the emotional backlash that's going to come AFTER your meeting with her. She's not going to sway your ex or get him to change his mind -- it's not even a matter of his simply changing his mind, there were HUGE problems there even when he was saying he wanted to try.

 

My advice is to cancel and continue on with No Contact.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Update:

 

I went to lunch with his friend, and I didn't talk about the breakup that much, but my friend brought it up and I couldn't control it. I sort of let it out, but had no intentions of wanting to get back with him. She told me that I did the right thing. She would have left long time ago instead of trying that long.

 

I asked her to respect my privacy and never to mention anything about our talk to him, and also asked her to never tell me anything that's going on in his life. I don't really need to know.

 

I'm sure at some point, his friend will tell him that we talked if they get closer over time. But I'm sure by then it's just history and it won't mean anything to me or him.

 

I am happy that I didn't come to lunch with her today to talk or even think about possible reconciliation through his friend, but more of a way for me to tell her the truth, and that it was shocking, surprising, everyone thought we were going to get married, etc, but that's not happening anymore.

 

She told me that he has not told anyone in his circle of friends yet, we didn't really know about this. She also has not seen him a lot for the last few months, and the last time she saw him was with me, but that was about a year ago.

 

She's not very close to him either.

 

This friends thing after breakup certainly can be pretty messy and out of control.

 

I probably did the wrong thing to agree to meet up with her, but I felt like it was difficult to not talk about it, and I also felt like it was difficult to not tell her the truth.

 

She also shared her breakup story with her ex, which I met. So we both grew a little bit closer together after the lunch meeting.

 

In the end, after lunch, I did feel a little bit weird telling her my sad story. But I also felt proud that I didn't think about reconciliation through her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think when you look back on this with the clarity of time, you'll see that reconciliation was probably your primary motivation in meeting her.

 

In any case, it's over. Get back to your NC and try to avoid anymore contact with people who know him. You don't need to risk hearing about him or to use his friends to pass on second hand information about you.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sharky, I'm confused, but I've been on NC. I haven't contacted him for one month.

 

I ran into his friend, she also works for the same company, wanted to sync up on how things are. I actually didn't focus on the reconciliation at all. But yes you were right, I wanted it, but my mind was in control and said no. But my heart, oh gosh it was so wrong I know!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you handled it very, very well. The people around you will have to know, sooner or later, just so they avoid the embarrassment of think you're still together and saying something about it. Just because you and him are no longer a romantic couple does not mean you also "broke up" with all "his" friends too...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...