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SUPER big crush on this guy at the gym


alwayssmile24

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So there is this extremely attractive guy that goes to my gym. From the first time we looked at each other it was like POW. you could just feel the difference of energy in the room. that day he asked to rep in on a machine with me but i got too nervous and just said yes.

 

Since then i have seen him probably 6 times where we just constantly are glancing at each other from accross the gym. I think he is BEAUTIFUL. i want to talk to him so badly.

 

I feel like he's interested for a couple reasons:

-i catch him looking at me sometimes

-i went to the water fountain and he followed and i just looked at him and we smirked

-he walked into the gym and went on the treadmill next to me and when i looked for him he was gone! he caught me looking for him and we made eye contact and grinned.

-he will purposefully walk by me (as do i) or try to work out near me..even after i saw him finish up with the machine he goes to because I'm there

 

.. last night he asked me if i was using a machine (i was) and i turned BRIGHT RED (ugh) and responded "uhhh" and smiled and he was like "its ok!! you can say yes" so i did and he worked out next to me.. but i couldn't say anything. i choked

 

my friend said that she caught him checking me out a couple times..

 

i really want to say something to him.. i couldn't fall asleep until 3 am!! because i was thinking about him. for all i know he has a gf (pls no!!!) i forgot how strong these feelings can be!

 

any tips???? I HOPE HES THERE TONIGHT!!

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Unlock your tongue and start some casual conversation while on the machines next to each other

 

During the course of the conversation, you could ask him what he does in his spare time other than working out. He may reveal at that point whether he has a girlfriend (or wife) at that point.

 

If he doesn't offer up his status, simply ask if he is attached or has any kids.

 

You have nothing to lose.

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God, I cannot help but feel intensely jealous for "beautiful men". they have to put basically not effort and get women to approach them shivering shaking and fantasizing about them until late at night, while most of us mere mortal men have to speak charismatically, have a high paying job, work on your fitness, and approach countless women with an extremely high rejection rate before we even have the slightest chance at a date. and while we are on that date the girl is probably eyeing some beautiful man sitting on a date with another girl on the next table.

 

I know, life is not fair, but sometimes it is just downright frustrating.

 

But yes, you have nothing to lose. If you are an attractive girl and don't come accross as a bimbo, you should be fine. most guys would be absolutely flattered to have a girl approach them.

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^ I know. I would be so delighted if a woman talked to me at the gym. I just get stared at from afar.

 

The gym is not ideal for approaching women because we feel like we're interrupting your workout. Many women mistake it for being like a bar or anywhere else and just expect to be approached. However if he likes you he will talk your ear off if you put in a little effort too.

 

Nothing to lose!

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im so nervous my stomach is in KNOTS!!! i thought i had this whole confidence thing in the bag.. now I'm going to vomit

 

You really, really, really cannot screw this one up. Thing about guys is that as they are not too picky about a women's "approach". If you come accross as confident, he will consider it "sexy". if you come accross as plain it won't be a hit against you since he is already attracted to you. if you come accross as "nervous or finicky" he will probably think its really cute/sweet/endearing. For guys, we always have to come accross as "confident", coming accross as nervous and finicky is a turn-off, however for girls it is not. You have it SOOO damn easy it's not even funny, so I am going to be the "jerk" and tell you to "man up" and just talk to him!

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UPDATE: WE SPOKE!

 

i come off completely flustered… i asked to rep in on the machine with him and we did a couple sets… but there was another girl there who was trying to talk to him and he left me and went to go talk to her.. she was being pretty ty… but my friends said it sounded like they knew each other and they were catching up.

 

after he came up to me and walked next to me on the treadmill and we spoke a little more. i was a little disappointed though and i have a real tough time masking my emotions..

 

also hes 6 years older than me.. idk how i feel about that.

 

while i was getting changed my gym partner asked him if i got his number yet and he respond no and kinda laughed.. awkward

 

so now he knows i want him.. he had two girls going after him today.. usually i don't see him talking to anyone..

 

i don't know how to feel or what to do

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Do nothing. He knows he is good looking and I'm sure he knew from before that you liked him, so it would have been easy for him to say something to you, to strike up a conversation. Instead, he seemed to enjoy the ego boost and flirtation, it's obviously not the first time women have crushes on him at the gym, and he's enjoying every second of it.

 

So now you did what you had to do, and broke the ice (if there was one). Go on with your regular workout, and if I was in your shoes, I wouldn't seek him out on purpose, I would just focus on my own workouts. If he's interested, he will come to you, guaranteed. If not, he'll keep playing the staring game.

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God, I cannot help but feel intensely jealous for "beautiful men". they have to put basically not effort and get women to approach them shivering shaking and fantasizing about them until late at night, while most of us mere mortal men have to speak charismatically, have a high paying job, work on your fitness, and approach countless women with an extremely high rejection rate before we even have the slightest chance at a date. and while we are on that date the girl is probably eyeing some beautiful man sitting on a date with another girl on the next table.

 

I know, life is not fair, but sometimes it is just downright frustrating.

 

But yes, you have nothing to lose. If you are an attractive girl and don't come accross as a bimbo, you should be fine. most guys would be absolutely flattered to have a girl approach them.

 

Yeah, soooo unfair. :sorrow:

While you were busy drowning in a sea of self-pity you forgot that it's the exact same thing the other way around. Attractive girls have it "easy" (even that is arguable... easy to win a guy over sexually maybe, but not easier to find real love) while not-so-cute girls often struggle to get attention from men. And as a matter of fact, men put alot more value on looks than women do.

 

don't know where you got the idea that the guys who dont look like models have to have super high paying jobs, be extremely charismatic etc.

I know of way too many girls who have average looking boyfriends with average/low-paying jobs and no "super power personality trait" that wins any girl's heart at an instant...

 

jeeeze, the whiners.

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men put alot more value on looks than women do.

 

This may be true, but I think this is rapidly changing. Online dating, which is highly skewed in womens' favor (even if they're not models), has actually increased the number of hoops men have to jump through. Women are earning just as much as we are, and they want to date hot men just as we want to do hot women. While OP's case takes place in the gym ("real life"), even if a guy meets a girl in real life, there is a chance that he is competing against her online profile and inbox full of messages. Yes, girls who are average or below looking may not get as many emails, but if we place a girl and a guy who are even in looks next to each other, you can bet that the girl is getting more emails than the guy is. As a result, it is very hard for a guy to land his "equal." In addition, it is true that men often find nervousness or shyness in a girl cute...we as men have to be confident 24/7/365. Similarly in real life, we have two people (one man and one woman) who are equal in looks...the girl gets approached more. I've seen this way too many times...average looking guy friends of mine really struggle, but average looking girls still do pretty ok and sometimes even date above their league.

 

You may call radiohead a crybaby, but there is a LOT of truth to what he's said, whether you want to acknowledge it or not. And I know many other men (and even some women - GASP!) on ENA who would agree with me.

 

And if that's your avatar, well, you're a very attractive woman...so the world just looks very different from where you are.

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well.. the next day i saw him after we broke the ice, i gave him a friendly smile and didn't really look at him much..

 

today i saw him and he came up to me and asked me what I'm doing tonight and last night.. i told him and he agreed he wasn't doing much tonight either.. then we brought up the snowstorm and he kinda just wandered off into the gym. i feel like I'm being standoffish and i feel bad!! i don't want tooooooo. i really want his number

 

i was going to cool down on the treadmill next to him but i got nervous he would think i was following him and i left. that was just stupid.

 

im upset that i keep missing my chance and now i am coming off like i don't want to be bothered..

help!

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Hey let's focus on the op's post.

 

Instead of the same old "woe is me! Online dating is hard for men! How are dare women be attracted to good looking men?! That's so shallow!" We all agree with you: online dating is hard for men, what are you planning to do about it??

 

Back to the op: unfortunately super attractive people do not always make the best dates and mates. They get attention constantly (if you noticed him, other woman are checking him out too.) hence, they tend not make an effort.

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Back to the op: unfortunately super attractive people do not always make the best dates and mates. They get attention constantly (if you noticed him, other woman are checking him out too.) hence, they tend not make an effort.

 

This is quite the generalization though, don't you think? I think there are plenty of people, men and women, plain and attractive who may not make the best dates and mates, nor make effort..doesn't always have to be because of their appearance. Just because they *MAY* get constant attention, doesn't mean they want or even care for it.

 

I agree with what Superman wrote

I don't really think you can base his interest off one interaction myself. He's not some playboy that gets all the women because he didn't talk to you that much once. Just caught up with someone he knew...

 

I think based on the OP's latest interaction it is simply a case of him being not that interested, unfortunately.

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PS. You know what makes a man instantly unattractive - no matter what he looks like and how tall he is? He opens his mouth and all you hear is an "woe is me! Women have is so much easier!"attitude.

 

Speaking of staying on topic...Not sure how this ^^^helps the OP, just saying...

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Speaking of staying on topic...Not sure how this ^^^helps the OP, just saying...

 

Yeah seriously! lol

 

PS. You know what makes a man instantly unattractive - no matter what he looks like and how tall he is? He opens his mouth and all you hear is an "woe is me! Women have is so much easier!"attitude.

 

Goodheartlady...this is the last time I will ever personally acknowledge any of your posts. Your name may be "goodheartlady," yet all you seem to do is either directly or indirectly attack other ENA members. Maybe it's time you shop around for a new username?

 

ENA is supposed to be a place where anyone can come and post their problems, free of judgement, and I do believe that includes venting. I don't know if your latest outburst on this thread was directed at me in particular (and frankly, I couldn't care less), but I was sticking up for some of the other guys on here who maybe got a little jealous that OP is clearly so smitten with a very good looking guy. Not that it matters, but I'm good looking and I do just fine with dating (online and offline). My posts as of late may have been of the "venting" type, but I have also been through a lot these past few weeks/months, so that affects my general attitude towards dating as well. But I have been on both ends of the spectrum...I was once the shy, awkward guy who couldn't get a date, and I had no idea I was "good looking" until my early 20s. And back when I wasn't as confident and was more shy, I saw many other guys get girls very easily, and yeah, it can be hard. You watch others attain something that seems so easy, and yet it eludes you. I know I sometimes felt like an outsider looking in...and it can be devastating to your confidence (which in turn, makes things even worse with women from a man's point of view). Some of the men who post on ENA may be very jaded, and yes, after a while, you do get tired of hearing about it. But they have a right to vent, and venting doesn't automatically make them "women bashers."

 

And as I said in another thread, online dating IS generally easier for women. As a matter of fact, even though I have acknowledged many times that finding a suitable partner is equally as hard for both sexes, I do think dating in general is even a bit easier for women (at least, in some ways, and I'm not talking about finding a healthy LTR, that's equally as hard). And I'm even talking about less attractive women. If you put two people of the same attraction level side by side, yet one is a man and one is a woman, you can bet the woman is getting more emails even if she's only getting a few because she isn't a model. Whether you want to admit this or not (without getting defensive and attacking others and calling them "women bashers") it's basically a fact.

 

Anyway, I've said my peace, and make no mistake, I will never again acknowledge any of your posts. I don't feel like dealing with anymore onslaughts of direct/indirect insults.

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im upset that i keep missing my chance and now i am coming off like i don't want to be bothered..

help!

 

I don't see why you're saying you keep missing your chance! Chance to what? You've already done everything you could have done, believe me when I say that this guys knows without a doubt you have the hots for him. You already "broke the ice", you were the first to talk to him, you've done plenty of eye contact and smiles, and there is this thing called body language that guys pick up on very easily. He KNOWS you're into him, and you are definitely not coming off like you can't be bothered. He knows you're interested.

For whatever reason, he doesn't seem interested. If he was, he would have approached you a long time ago, and especially after you made the first move.

Maybe he's married, maybe he's got a girlfriend, or maybe you're not his type - who knows? Who cares? The point is he's not doing anything to move things along, and there surely is a reason for that.

Just go on and be yourself, do your own thing, because following him like a puppy around the gym will not help your case at all. He is used to all this, you'd only be one more addition to his "fan club".

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I don't know about dating but sex is definitely much easier attain for a woman (without paying for it). I remember sitting at my cousins one Christmas as a naive 17 year old and listening to this young woman, who was only average looking, brag on about how she could any 'get it' whenever she wants, basically just picked up the phone. I was just thinking, wow...

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Flying in for back on topic...

 

I agree that it doesn't look as good after the latest interaction, but I do caution people even still. I've worked in fitness and wellness and worked out in gyms for six and a half years, and it's the one of the most awkward of all places to talk to women in my opinion. Most women at the gym have headphones in their ears and pissed on their faces. Is she mad? Ok, now she's ignoring me. Was I supposed to talk to her there, in that two second window? Damn, you think she could lose the headphones just for one day if she wanted me to say something. Is she looking at me or past me? Has this woman ever smiled in her entire life? She didn't say hi. Oop, now she's leaving. She hates me/thinks I'm a coward/whatever.

 

Just nothing about it is really intuitive. But I've also found that women really don't care about that. So I mean it could still be either way, but it does look a little more bleak with the last interaction. I would have gotten your number there probably.

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