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The mess I've created with my friend/boss!


Kim1985

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My boss and I had a 9 month 'relationship' about a year ago, straight after I broke up with my fiancé.

We stopped because neither of us wanted anything further. We've remained good friends since, who look out for each other...and tbh flirt.

Last weekend, I 'seduced' him and we slept together. I stopped half way and said this probably isn't a good idea. We sat down and spoke about it, I said this is a one off, I don't want anything more. He said it's ok, don't over analyse it, two friends can have some fun. But he also didn't want to ruin a good friendship, we had been getting on so well for so long.

Since then, I've avoided him outside of work. In work I'll try to be friendly but he's so mean to me. He snaps at me, can't look me in the eye sometimes, seems edgy and uncomfortable, and started avoiding opportunities where I am alone out the back making a coffee. He also has been doing childish things like unhook my coat and leave it on the floor, then kick it into the corner, and he's put a chair on my spare shoes which could damage them. On the other hand, he's been favouring business over to me. Which makes me more money. He has been 'pruning' himself when I walk back into the office. And has called me outside of work about pointless work things.

 

What is wrong with the man?!

Seriously, is this behaviour all about!

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Your boss is never your friend and sleeping with your boss is the equivalent of handing in your two week notice. You need to learn these boundaries apply to everyone or else you're just going to depart these mistakes. Do this again and you could ruin your career because you'll never to able to use these employers as references.

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Ummm....so you seduced him and then stopped sex right in the middle....what is wrong with you? What was that all about? Same kind of a thing going on with him - childish. You are both acting silly and childish. To venture a guess, you hurt his ego with your actions, namely seducing and then rejecting while in the act, so he is retaliating pretty much on the same level.

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What is wrong with the man?!

Seriously, is this behaviour all about!

 

Hmmmm........ I've reread your post several times and I question why there is no question at the end regarding your own behavior in this situation.

 

The title of your post says it all "The mess I've created with my friend/boss!"

 

You avoiding him is sending signals which he is returning in kind. There is a tension building up and, no doubt, he is angry with the way things are turning out. In the middle of sex, really??? You seduced him after a year of no intimate contact and then crash the mood??? He was in a state of excitement and you pull a head game??? I take it that you came to an agreement and continued??? Of course he would agree with you, look at the condition he was in.

 

Does any of this excuse his childish behavior? No. His is demonstrating that he is perturbed with you (possibly over the seduction scenario that you described?).

 

The air needs to be cleared with him. You may or may not be able to get things back to simply a friendship situation. The most important thing is to get the interaction with him back to a strictly professional level. I don't know what size company you work for or if this guy is an employee or owns the business, but, this is a HR nightmare waiting to happen.

 

The ball is in your court to rectify this. Good luck.

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Thank you to all of you, guys. It's helped me see it from his point of view and see explanations as to his behaviour... Can't blame him really. I was a little selfish and not sensitive to his feelings.

I just can't understand why so often why he's so cold and mean. Even when we're getting along, his uneasiness around me appears cold and disconnected. Yet out of work he's quick to text or call and be normal.

I wish I could make him feel more at ease so that we had a consistently nice friendship

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I've just read your other thread. What's surprising in all this is that you genuinely expect him to be 'at ease' as if none of this had ever happened!

 

He's angry with you - that's why he's being 'mean'. He should be more honest about it, rather than doing minor things to rile you, but many bosses would have sacked you as a way of showing their displeasure.

 

It's going to take a while for the dust to settle, but if you want a 'consistently nice friendship', then start to observe some professional boundaries; stop flirting - in view of your history together, this will be seen as leading him on and he's likely to get angry again; and act in a more professional manner. If you want things between you to be consistent, you need to start with behaving consistently yourself.

 

From his point of view, you have been flirtatious, leading him on with no intention of finishing off what you started and used him to help you get over your ex fiancé; this may well explain why he appears uneasy around you.

 

I'm sure none of this was intentional or calculated on your part; learn from this and do not get into this kind of behaviour in the workplace ever again!

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