Jump to content

"Honeymoon phase" ending..I think?


Gimpyrks

Recommended Posts

So a little bit of "dating history", I've never really dated anyone longer than 4 months so I never fell out of the honeymoon phase while being in a relationship. Over the last week I've spent every night at my boyfriend's house while his Mom is away on vacation. You can check out my other thread about what signs you should look for when you are wanting to move in with someone.

 

This week has made me realize that I'm not ready to move in with him (which was obvious from me in the beginning because we really haven't been dating that long). But it has also made me realize that I think the honeymoon phase has ended. I can't really explain why I feel this way because we haven't had any fights or disagreements, and I still love spending time with him, but the atmosphere is just different.

 

Generally when we sleep together we are at least holding hands or touching in some way, and it really helps me sleep at night. The last two nights has consisted of minimal touching and when I wake up he's usually at the other end of the bed. We also use to go to bed together but he's been going to bed a couple hours after I go to bed. Yesterday morning he also didn't really talk to me when we woke up, which is unusual and his kiss goodbye was lacking that "umph". I did ask him what was wrong about that morning. I was emotionally a mess due to a dream that I couldn't remember what it was about but I just woke up feeling shattered inside and him not talking to me didn't help. He said it was because he was up late doing math homework and he was in a rush to get to class. The explaination didn't really help to shake the feeling I had. But when I asked if me staying over all week was too much he reassured me that he loved that I was spending the week with him.

 

Overall it's been a great week but maybe it was just too much and some space is needed.

 

So I guess there are a few questions floating around in my mind.

 

Are these normal signs of the honeymoon phase ending? What happens after the honeymoon phase ends? It seems like feelings have really just sloped downward, but things still feel "right" (if that makes ANY sense). Even those these 7 days of staying overnight were a little too much most likely, does that mean we just need more time in the relationship after the honeymoon phase ends to really figure each other out?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you mhowe! I do plan on doing that, tonight is our last night together since his mom is coming home the night after. I feel horrible for thinking that I'm looking forward to some "me" time, I guess I'm associating it with the idea that I don't enjoy being around him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Spending 7 days a week at someone's house is pretty much like moving in. You're seeing what 'real life' with him would be like. No long term relationship is all butterflies, cuddling and snuggling 24/7. Time and space away from someone is actually better for your relationship...even if you DO live together. And yes..you probably are falling out of the honeymoon phase. It's a good sign that you have a healthy comfort level with each other. It's normal.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wonderful inputs pl3ase and JA, thank you.

 

I guess apart of me is worried too (and I talked to my boyfriend about this) since none of my past relationships have lasted more than 4 months I guess I'm just waiting for the ball to drop so-to-speak and have him break up with me which makes me feel like I'm insecure, which is not like me at all.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Don't focus on the amount of time you've been dating. If you spent a week at his place and are craving some alone time, that is a healthy feeling. We all need some alone time to re energize. Don't be surprised if you miss him after a few days. That too, is normal.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sometimes i think couples can mistake the feeling of being comfortable with each other as signs that they aren't compatible. In actuality that feeling of intense desire fading and you now just feeling a warm comfort around him and the feeling of someone who's like a "best friend" is what shows you that your love isn't blind you like him after being able to see his flaws and that's a good sign to me at least

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I found....when i was young...that the honeymoon period...which we called the 'infatuation' stage, ended around 3 months. It can last up to 2 years. This period involves you thinking your guy practically walks on water. He has no faults. If you see faults, you ignore them. They make you giddy. Silly. Romantic. sigh. Anyway....this period never lasts. It was made so people would be attracted to each other....but never was made to last 'forever'. All those happy endorphin's flooding your body all the time would get a little 'too much'.

 

So yeah, after spending 7 days together, and seeing his 'faults', the honeymoon period is probably over. But that's life.

 

Read Al Turtles webpage. He has a great website on the stages of a relationship. Unfortunately, after the infatuation stage, comes the 'power struggle' stage. Lasts about 8 years and is when most people split up. It's a very interesting read.

 

I had read all kinds of things when i was wondering...is this love?, Infatuation? or Obsession? Great site!

 

Being in that honeymoon stage is a great and wonderful feeling, but alas it doesn't last forever. But a deeper love and respect can grow. You guys are young...you will figure it out....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Reality thank you! I will have to check that site out. Parts of me wants to do research and figure out what to expect and another part of me just wants to "roll with it". I realize that the honeymoon phase never lasts and I never saw him as the perfect person, but his faults are much more clear now. I guess I just need to decide if I can live with these faults and come to love him despite them. They aren't deal breaker faults but they are there and make me wonder.

 

I'm glad we had this experience together because the fact is I AM going back to my own place and it wasn't a done deal.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Signs the Honeymoon is over:

 

Your bf passes gas in front of you...and laughs

 

He asks you to pull his finger..and you do

 

You both wake up looking like hell...and still want to make out

 

You start wearing granny panties...all the time.

 

Your bf watches tv...Al Bundy style

 

You walk around with pimple cream and curlers in your hair, and your bf never flinches ..LOL

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Damm Toby...I'm so old now, that if a miracle ever happens and i actually FIND a guy to become infatuated over...I'll be DEAD before i get to all those other stages! lol

 

I thought Al Turtle was the bliss stage after the power struggle stage. Only 3 stages...but now that i'm old...my memory is also shot!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

HAHA JA! Trust me both of us have a wicked sense of humor so we have probably experienced things worse than this and busted out laughing (even in the middle of sex doesn't even ruin the mood!) That is what makes me feel like he's perfect for me, he's not perfect, but he just fits in so well with my personality.

 

Reality, oh gosh I knew I was no where near ready to move in with him, although we are contemplating the idea in August if we are still together But it was a fun "test drive" to see where we stand and a good experience to show what I feel and if its okay.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Damm Toby...I'm so old now, that if a miracle ever happens and i actually FIND a guy to become infatuated over...I'll be DEAD before i get to all those other stages! lol

 

I thought Al Turtle was the bliss stage after the power struggle stage. Only 3 stages...but now that i'm old...my memory is also shot!!

 

haha well i think the last three stages are kind of one stage, just my opinion at least

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Another question: is this something I bring up to the boyfriend or just sort it out myself?

 

If you discuss anything don't refer to "honeymoon phase" or any psychological terms. Be very specific about what concerned you "you seemed distant this morning when you said goodbye" - like that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

^^^ agree. You get psychology going with a guy, and they'll freak.

 

It sounds as if he was just up late studying....and then rushing off to work.

 

Believe me....men don't overly psycho-analyze like women do!!! lol As long as they're getting plenty of sex, and little drama, they're happy!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

^^^ agree. You get psychology going with a guy, and they'll freak.

 

It sounds as if he was just up late studying....and then rushing off to work.

 

Believe me....men don't overly psycho-analyze like women do!!! lol As long as they're getting plenty of sex, and little drama, they're happy!

 

I don't think it has to do with gender -I think healthy communication in this situation needs to be very specific and not try to fit it into some relationship category or label.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So a little bit of "dating history", I've never really dated anyone longer than 4 months so I never fell out of the honeymoon phase while being in a relationship. Over the last week I've spent every night at my boyfriend's house while his Mom is away on vacation. You can check out my other thread about what signs you should look for when you are wanting to move in with someone.

 

I think you are rushing, looking too far ahead too fast, and overthinking things all at once. Stop spending every night with your bf (like you did this week) and you'll actually have a chance to miss each other.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...
^^^ agree. You get psychology going a guy, and they'll freak.

 

It sounds as if he was just up late studying....and then rushing off to work.

 

Believe me....men don't overly psycho-analyze like women do!!! lol As long as they're getting plenty of sex, and little drama, they're happy!

Not me, i analyze every thing in grave detail. I not only analyze things my gf does, but why certain things she does makes me feel, good or bad. This gets me in trouble some times because it can lead me to thinking ridiculous things but I'm very much into knowing about myself. This has only happened recently, and it went into over drive when i met my current gf. She has struck a cord with me no one else has, things from my past, it's been difficult but she's been right there with me, she shares her inner struggles, we are truly growing together.

 

So, not all guys are just happy with sex and little drama, sex isn't enough to keep me at all

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...