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why do guys go from being nice to being mean?


SeaBisquit

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Hi i was in a relationship that started out great in the beginning then the guy got really mean..He started off making fun of me calling me fat saying I had no class..Everytime I talked he told me to shut up..Told me I was dumb and Idiot..Everytime I would defend myself he would call me a baby and say grow up..I just don't understand why so nice at first and then get so mean..

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Because most abusers--mentally, emotionally, verbally AND physically--learn early on that if they show their true nature they'll get rejected. If the guy had been insulting and mean to you from the very get-go would you have liked him or given him the time of day? No. So they put on an act, they become very good actors, and they schmooze and charm you until they think or decide they have you and you won't leave. Then they slip a few little incidents in here and there to see what you'll do. When you don't kick them to the curb the first time they insult or belittle you or they "shove you" in play according to them they'll then escalate.

 

And keep on escalating the abuse until the day you leave, so leave already. It's only going to get worse and he may very well be ramping up for far worse than verbal punching.

 

That's why they turn mean after being so "nice". They are a mean person to begin with, they just become really good actors and actresses at luring people in with much the same tactics as certain insect, bird and animal species do by pretending to be nonthreatening and/or pretty and attractive before they drop the act and show you who they really are.

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Hi i was in a relationship that started out great in the beginning then the guy got really mean..He started off making fun of me calling me fat saying I had no class..Everytime I talked he told me to shut up..Told me I was dumb and Idiot..Everytime I would defend myself he would call me a baby and say grow up..I just don't understand why so nice at first and then get so mean..

 

you already broke up right?

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I don't know why some guys change toward a woman... But instead of asking yourself this, you should ask yourself why on earth did you let him do it. He did it because you let him. If he is disrespectful towards you, let him go. Turn around and never come back. He's just a jerk and I wouldn't be dwelling over him.

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For what ever reason in your past from childhood or parenting you learned abusive realtionships were the norm. By their example you learned certain behaviors, and beliefs were acceptable, but not healthy for you. So we have a tendency because society, and family has taught us abuse is love. It's something we all find ourselves in one extreme case to lesser extreme. It is finding your self worth, and getting rid of the abusive belief system that attracts you to these abusive relationships. Figure out what unconditional love is, and a healthy relationship. Get rid of the negative thinking patterns, and beliefs. Focus on what real love is, and treat you with that love, set boundaries, and weed out the abusive relationships in your life, and find positive one's to hang around.

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I've seen it happen over and over again. People that show their real face once they believe they have nothing to lose. He thinks he 'hooked you up' so he can now do what he wants, and be who he really is. Most of them turn into real "cutie pies" once you pack and leave. Praise you, stalk, cry, beg, make promises, apologize, act vulnerable, hurt, emphatic etc.... just to lure you back, then behind closed doors they continue abuse. Leave, and don't look back.

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