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Fell in love with my best friend, and I didn't want to


pickled

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I need some help/advice or anything to help me keep my sanity.

 

Starting last year I became really close with a guy friend, and we had so much fun hanging out and causing trouble together. Over a period of time and a few months, we started becoming romantic. Although it was a weird transition, it felt very natural and we have a great time together no matter what. We get each other and when we're around each other nothing else matters. I guess you can call it kind of a puppy love.

 

The problem is, he has so many red flags and I can't seem to look past it- but now it's too late and I'm going to lose a friend if I don't choose a relationship. His history is just plain ugly, although he is very upfront and honest about everything and tells me whatever is on his mind. He likes to drink a lot, socially- his friends I can easily say aren't the best role models. I know this since I also know them too, for at least 10 years or more now. His past includes cheating on his long time gf (ex now), cocaine use, repeated duii's (he can't drive for 8 years or more), jail time even, and whatever else there is. The only thing going for him right now is that he's got a great career and he no longer does drugs and has tried to better his life since he hit rock bottom. He is a great person despite all this, I know it sounds dumb or naive- but he has a lot of friends and people who love him. He has a contagious personality and a great heart, but he's had inner demons in the past he did not know how to tame.

 

Despite how much I love the guy, I know that his past credentials are just too risky for me to fall into. It breaks my heart to know this, because more than anything him and I would love to be together. We live in the same neighborhood, we have the same social network, and right now I feel like he's all I have. How do I separate myself from this? Everytime I try to tell him we have to separate, he fights harder and harder to be with me. It makes it really tough and I don't want to fall into it... it's just too risky.

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Hello pickled and welcome to this forum.

 

First of all I would like to say that I usually dont believe that people can change, we are who we are.

BUT, a really close friend of mine was an a**hole for almost his entire life. He would smoke,drink,cheat on girls at the age of 15.

I felt bad for him and though he would end up really bad. 7 years later, he moved out from his parents place, is working and living with his current gf, and is so caring, not only to her but to us as well. He doesnt drink or smoke no more. I can tell that he is not the same guy that I used to know, even his eyes tell me so.

 

Dont want to get your hopes up but we only live once, make your decision and live with it.

Wanna take your chances with this guy ? Do so.

If you get hurt you will know it was worth it.

 

Another thing that I want to discuss is the fact that you are not friends, you never were and most likely never will be.

Since there was love/drama in between you I cannot see how a friendship can work out.

 

Either be with him or cut him off your life.

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Some people in our lives are worth loosing if their presence will cause further harm in the future. If you truly believe that dating him will be too risky and that you can't handle him, I would start distancing myself. I know its hard and I know its going to hurt but it's going to hurt more if you're in a toxic relationship filled with doubt and fear. On the other hand, if he seems like he's trying to change his life and doesn't seem like the same person then why not give it a chance? Sometimes we're so scared of the unknown that we push things aside that could have potentially been really good for us.

 

I know I just gave you two completely different points of view, but it comes to show you that no matter what you decide to do, ultimately you will end up where you were supposed to anyway. If you give this a shot and things work out then great. If they don't work out then at least you can say you tried. If you don't decide to give it a shot then you saved yourself from potential harm in the future although you'll be hurt and experience all those unwanted feelings for a while.

 

Goodluck as I know this must be very hard on you but remember to go with what your head says. I'm sure you will make the right choice

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