Anyone dating a shift worker? :/ Need some words to keep me in this.

[JessieGirl]

I've been with my girlfriend now for 8 months. I met her through mutual friends, and it was an INSTANT attraction. I met her when she was finishing up one of her certificates at school, and she wasn't working. So from the day we met, we literally spent every single day, and most nights together for 4 months straight. When I say every day, I mean it. There wasn't a day that went by that we didn't see each other in person. I know it sounds so cliche' but we fell for each other extremely fast. She's my best friend.

 

However, she got a job offer from one of her friends at a construction site to be one of their medics (she has her EMT certification) and everything has changed. She works 80 hours a week, 12 hour shifts. Some nights, some days. 5am-5 pm, or 5pm-5am. This may seem okay to some of you, but this job is an hour and a half away from where we both live. So she has to fight through traffic, making her days 14-15 hours away from home. It's exhausting. And there's barely any time off for her. Literally she's working 15 nights straight this coming up month, with no day off. And then after that, she only gets 2 days off until the next set starts.

 

I know this sounds selfish, but it's just been extremely hard for me to adjust. We barely see each other anymore. She's always exhausted when she gets home..maybe able to stay up for 2 hours before she needs to go back to sleep to be up again for the next shift. I can't take her on dates, we can't hang out with our friends, we can't go to the movies, I can't take her to dinner...We can't be a regular couple. And it hurts a lot to think of how blissful our relationship was in the beginning, and now I see her for maybe 2 hours a day...sometimes not even then. It breaks my heart.

 

This job leaves ZERO room for a relationship. There's barely any room for a healthy relationship to survive with this kind of schedule...but I stay because I love her so much and I'm afraid she'd be so alone. She's already cried and complained to me about how she feels isolated at this job and forgotten by all of her friends. I feel like if I leave her that I'd be the bad guy. But it's so hard for me to stay sometimes. I'm alone ALL of the time. I'm around our friends whom all have a significant other and I'm alone. I might as well be single again. We get to talk on the phone sometimes when she's working, but that's the extent of it. I need interaction and physical affection. And no I'm not just referencing sex. I want to just hug her sometimes..at least. Look at her. And I can't.

 

She chased money when she accepted this job. I expressed a LOT of concern to her that our relationship would change and that we'd barely see each other, but she seemed to be in this denial state that everything would be fine. She only saw dollar signs. She works herself into the ground and doesn't even get to reward herself with the money she's making. The end doesn't justify the means in this case. I feel like she chose this job over me and it hurts because it has seriously caused a lot of problems in our relationship. We both get stressed out because we literally don't have time to do anything...and I'm conflicted because sometimes I feel like I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to be alone while she's out working. I know that sounds so selfish. But I feel that way.

 

I just don't know what to do...How would some of you handle this? Are any of you dating a shift worker with this kind of schedule? PLEASE help! How do you guys do it? How do you guys even function normally? Have romance? Have free time together? It seems impossible to me. And I don't know if I should stay or go. I love her so much, but maybe it's just not meant to be and the timing is off. Maybe I just need to be her friend so I can stop being disappointed by all this.

[chr8st8na]

Have you talked to her about the relationship deteriorating because of her schedule? I know it would prob upset her but it is the white elephant in the room .... Its really hard for shift workers to date or even have a social life... I think the number one thing is compatibility, and that includes open availability for each other. Gotta meet halfways when it comes to a healthy, loving relationship

[force]

What in the world?! Is that her temporary schedule I hope? The money is not worth a job like that. 80 hrs a week, 15 days straight, that's not right. Is it like that for all medics? She needs to get outta that job before it kills her and she'll eventually have a breakdown if she doesn't. You cannot sustain a relationship with hours like that...there's no way.

 

My advice to you is if you love her and she doesn't want to leave the job just wait it out until she crashes and burns because eventually she will. She will realize she has no relationship life eventually and hopefully want to explore other career opportunities.

[tmp110314]

If you haven't already, you really need to lay your cards on the table. Remember, open and honest communication is essential to a healthy relationship.

 

She may not see a way out of her situation right now. You could be the impetus that helps her discover another direction.

 

This approach could reap huge rewards in your relationship.

 

I wish you the best.