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Feeling resentful/insecure and not sure why


LadyJD

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I know this is going to sound weird and silly but I'm feeling resentful and insecure and I'm not sure why. My boyfriend is great and loves me, but for some reason I find myself feeling off. What really triggers this is hanging out with his friends and their wives. I'm the only girlfriend and for some reason I feel like I'm less than the wives. I think I also dislike his lack of verbal expression of affection. He never says he misses me or anything. I also realized he's only called me beautiful once in 7 months.

 

I have not expressed any of these feelings to him. Anybody have any input? Thanks!

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I tell him he's handsome all the time. He usually goes with "hot."

 

I understand I'm not a wife but at the same time then I don't feel like I should be dragged out with his married friends as much as I am. For every one time we go out with my friends (all younger and none married) we go out with his 3-4 times.

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Yeah...and your diagnosis has no basis in reality.

You guys as a couple have more in common with his friends than he has hanging out with your girlfriends.

 

I don't drag him out with girlfriends, I make sure they are couples just not married ones. These are friends I've known for 10 or 15 years and his friends he has known for 1 year, as long as he has been in this city.

 

And yeah I think vocabulary is relevant, "hot" is the word my 20 year old frat boy boyfriend called me, I don't expect that from my 32 year old PhD-holding boyfriend.

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Phd's live in academia.

He thinks it is a compliment. And maybe his guy friends tell him you are "hot" as compared to their wives!??

 

I think you are searching for issues.

 

Sigh. You could be right. I just feel annoyed/off the last month or so and I can't pinpoint it.

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It isnt him....its you.

He includes you in his social circle....he is a PhD in some academic life.

He likely has zero in common with your friends...coupled or not.

 

Maybe you find him a bit dull and really don't want the future his life will be?

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What really triggers this is hanging out with his friends and their wives. I'm the only girlfriend and for some reason I feel like I'm less than the wives.

I don't like throwing assumptions on ENA... But what it sounds like here is that you feel inferior by them because of their status. These women have developed a friendship with each other if they are in contact through their husbands' social circle frequently. It's not uncommon for spouses to befriend their husbands friends spouse.

 

Marriage is a different chapter in life. Perhaps you are struggling to relate to them and their lifestyle of being married. It might not be "resentment" - it appears to be envy and that you are not comfortable with the social circle yet.

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It isnt him....its you.

He includes you in his social circle....he is a PhD in some academic life.

He likely has zero in common with your friends...coupled or not.

 

Maybe you find him a bit dull and really don't want the future his life will be?

 

Yeah I'll be honest, most of my friends are in the corporate world or attorneys. Pretty different from his crowd. He is starting to bore me a little. Always wants to stay in, falls asleep at 9:30

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I didn't marry until i was 32...and if I'd be with a group of 'wives' they'd all be talking about having babies and such....something i hadn't experienced.

 

If you're not happy, you're not happy. Damnation. I'd be happy with someone that had a Phd. My first bf for 3 years was a drunk who had been married twice. Let him go and find someone who will LOVE and APPRECIATE him!

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