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He left when things got tough, why do I want him back so bad?


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I have posted here before, and I have been doing NC for 12 days now. Both my ex and I were having some serious problems in our personal lives. Here is a summary of it:


Me: I moved to a new country for a job, I met my ex and life was perfect. The company I was working for went bankrupt, and I lost my job. Since I didn't have a job, my visa was going to expire in 90 days and I will have to leave the country (unless I find a new job within 90 days). I was stressed and freaking out, but I was looking for a job like all over because I didn't want to leave my ex.


Him: he hates his job, he wasn't appreciated there, and his company wasn't doing very well. The company made an announcement that they were going to lay off 60% of the workers within 2 months (I know now that he wasn't affected by the layouts). He has been looking for a job for months but couldn't find any. His self-esteem was greatly affected and he just got angrier and depressed as he got more job rejections.


So both of us were in terrible positions professionally, and there was the potential of me having to leave the country until I find a new job. But I was mostly trying to help him with his job situation, introducing him to people who can help, etc (instead of focusing on my own problems!!). By early January, he decided to breakup with me (after taking a one week break). He said he feels worthless and depressed, and that he needs to focus on improving his skills and scoring some interviews. He said that he just wants to be alone and not be around people. That he doesn't have the focus or the energy for a relationship, and that it has nothing to do with me. He said I was the best girlfriend he's ever had, and that was the hardest decision he had to make. We were both crying when he left me, and I felt that my whole world was falling apart. Losing job, friends, love of my life, having to leave the country... all happened at the same time


I went NC for one week right after, but then I broke it because it was his birthday and I didn't want him to spend it alone. We talked and had a great time; I told him that I can be his friend and support him through his hardship. We were texting regularly afterwards, but one week after that I talked to him on the phone and told him that I can't be friends with him, that I thought his behavior was very selfish, and that he didn't take my feelings in consideration. We had a big fight and he was upset and got very defensive. I called later and apologized. We spoke a few times after that (I was he one initiating contact all the time). But then I decided to do NC, and I've been doing it for 12 days now. And he hasn't reached out to me at all during this period.


Anyway, even though he said the breakup was all about his needs, I can't help but think that he run away because I was facing serious problems and just couldn't handle the stress. He left me when I needed him the most. So why do I miss him so badly? why do I want him back so much? why do I still think about him all the time? I know I can't trust him, that he's not strong enough to handle real problems. So why am I clinging to false hope? and how can someone be so loving and promise you forever and then just leave you hanging when things get tough? I know that I need someone who would sticks by me through tough times. And I don't understand why I just can't let go!!! People keep telling me to move on as if I had a switch that I can turn off whenever I want!!!!


PS: we're both in our late twenties, we've been in a happy relationship for 1.5 years, we broke up early January, I've initiated NC for 12 days now.

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With time you will be able to see that the relationship was not a.priority for him, you had high hopes of him and you have been disappointed. It will take you some time to readjust what you think of him. Get him off the pedestal. If you relationship was a happy one and he gave up on the first hurdle, he is not worth your time. I'm just reaching 3 months and just starting to see he was no good for.me. I still miss him sometimes and I too wonder why. After all he put me through. Then I get angry at myself for.missing him. I guess we just have to gfet through this until we don't care

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i feel you BrokenHearted8, i'm going through something similar (here is my story):




my heart is torn between so many directions. i want him to regret the break up, i can't believe he could just give up on what we had, at the same time i realize if he could just give up on the relationship when the going gets tough and when he's not willing to resolve issues then it's not a healthy relationship. i have been going NC for 6 weeks now and he hasn't made any effort to reach out to me either. i feel like NC hasn't helped me heal at all and i'm just stuck in an obsessive loop on how to get him to come back...


so my advice for you is...you can't control how he feels, you can't puppeteer his thoughts, you just have to let him be and remember you are worth a guy who would stick with you through thick and thin.

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