Jump to content

Recommended Posts

This will probably be a familiar story for veterans of this forum.

 

Brief recap on my story - 3/4 months post break up together for 6 years, living together, she emotionally cheated then decided to we couldn't make it work, she started seeing someone within a few weeks but kept it secret from me, she repeatedly contacted me telling me how much of a mess she is (she is a mess,, for various reasons), how much she loved me, how much she hated herself for what she'd done to me, I went NC a few weeks ago after finally sorting out our flat and financial things.

 

Well, she got in touch last week to say she really needed to see me because there were things she needed to explain. My initial reaction was to ignore it but in a moment of weakness I got in touch with her. After talking and both of us crying I said I will meet her to listen to what she's got to say. I have been stressed with a lot of things (new job, moving to a new city) so there are lots of reasons why I broke, despite knowing deep down that it wasn't a good idea.

 

Anyway, after me thinking about the meeting all weekend, she got in touch last night to say after thinking about it she didn't think it was a good idea. She said she's ashamed of herself but she's realized she's too much of a mess and just won't be able to deal with the reality of seeing what she's done to me.

 

I don't think she's doing it deliberately but I feel toyed with. I'm angry at myself because it's like she dictates everything still. It's the classic story, I was still feeling rubbish but I did feel a little stronger after NC, now I feel all over the place again. I told her that and told her that I don't want her to contact me at all anymore. She says she understands but she said that last time as well so who knows.

 

Guess I just have to start again now. Sigh.

 

The other thing that's bothering me is my lack of confidence. She's gone straight into a relationship with another guy, getting to know someone intimately, hanging out, having sex etc. I just can't picture myself being able to do that again, any tips on how to get that confidence back?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are okay... You did nothing wrong or nothing that a thousand guys wouldnt of done. You were curious and wanted answers. Dont beat youself up over it or dont overthink it. Dont think she still has control or manipulated you. You dont have to "start again" you went back one step, big deal.

A break up has to do with how you are thinking and what you are doing. We all had little set backs and you are not the first guy to say uh-oh...I messed up the NC rule. In my mind it was a small mistake, learn from it and move on. If you think OH MY GOSH THE WORLD IS GOING TO END I CONTACTED HER!! then its going to be a big deal.

Dont dwell on it. Just shrug your shoulders and say.. oh well, time to move forward and dont give it a second thought.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You handled this very well! Now you see she is still playing with your feelings , it's best to ignore any further attempts of contact initiated by her. Although she might have a new guy; She is NOT happy. Seems like a classic case of 'the grass is greener syndrome'. When she does contact you and you have the feeling she had something important to say, rest assured tgat she will say it through text/email if you ignore her requests to see you again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...