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Porn and Relationship


Puck2DaHead

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Hello...I'm in a new relationship of about a month and a half. We have a great sex life together and see each other about 5-6 days a week, but when we aren't together on the days we are apart, I like to masturbate to porn. Now, she doesn't have a problem with me masturbating and says that it's absolutely normal, she does have a problem that I'm using porn to do it. She says that it makes her feel like I'm using other girls to get me turned on; however, that's true to a small extent, but in reality it's just to help it along a little rather than my sole inspiration. I'm thinking about and fantasizing about her while I'm doing it too.

 

How do you feel about your SO using porn to help them masturbate? And she wants to put an ultimatum on my porn usage...saying that I need to promise to stop using it. What do you think? I personally don't feel like it's unhealthy, and I wouldn't particularly care if she was using porn to get her excited by herself either.

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that is your private time and she has no business weighing in and telling you what is or isn't acceptable to you masturbating. Her needs are being taken care of, so this is amounting to control--trying to be a traffic cop in your head or worse, being your mom and telling you what you can and can't do when she's not around.

 

You need to nip that mess in the bud. If she can't deal with it, then she needs to go. It will only get worse and more controlling. Next, it'll be which one of your friends isn't acceptable.

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Us girls tend to get quite jealous (obviously) haha, especially when the guy we're seeing is watching a lot of porn.. I know the guy I was seeing was practically addicted to porn, I was a bit jealous at first because I thought well your getting enough sex why do you need to watch so much porn, but then I didn't care too much after a bit.. A guy has to do what a guy has to do right. I think porn is good to be honest, it makes masturbating more fun.. I watch it too, so I realized I shouldn't judge if I do too otherwise I'd be a hypocrite. I think the jealousy just comes in because we think that the girls on there are so hot and that must be what you want etc. I'm sure if you've explained it to her then she'll begin to understand or come to terms with it, if not then I'm not sure.

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I've never had an issue with my husband and porn. I don't see the issue with it at all, but that's just me? Maybe I feel confident in myself and the relationship and know it's only a method of arousal and know it means nothing? It's visually pleasing? I don't know! I know it has nothing to do with me or how he feels about me. He wants to get off and it helps the process. I couldn't imagine putting an ultimatum on someone for this. Masturabte to porn but keep it to yourslef.

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Porn is obviously a very tricky subject. At first, I was incredibly uncomfortable and jealous and all of those insecure feelings about my BF watching it. He had always told me he never to rarely watches it now that he has me and can think of/look at photos of me, and while I have seen no evidence on the contrary, I am sure he does view it on occasion. He is a guy….actually, he's human. Sexually suggestive photos and movies will arouse anyone and if someone has pent up tension or wants to relax they will likely turn to porn to help release that tension more quickly. I watch porn on occasion and as a girl, I can very clearly see how many men are able to just 'watch' it and not feel any attachment and just simply use it to get off because the majority of porn is SO out there an unrealistic.

 

I am lucky that my BF acknowledges how unrealistic it is and for him it's not the kinky, overly processed stuff that turns him on - he prefers amateur because he knows that porn stars often have STDs, sordid pasts, low self-value…it becomes kind of gross for him.

 

I think your girlfriend doesn't have the right to put an ultimatum on what you do in your free time or what you watch, though I empathize with her feelings. Reassure her porn does not replace her or lessen your feelings and love for her. A good solution you can try is to watch something you both like together -- my boyfriend and I have done this and we became 'inspired' and it opened a door that was once welded shut and off-topic and kind of awkward.

 

Until it interferes with your actual sex life there is no issue. If you began to become addicted to it or prefer it over intercourse with your GF, then it should be reevaluated.

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Everything you've written here is written as though it is fact for all users of pornography, and that simply is not true. It also does not address the o.p.'s question. I personally don't think this should be used as a forum for a personal anti-pornography agenda, because it's useless to the person posting. Can porn be addictive? Sure, as many things can be. But that's irrelevant here.

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She shouldn't give you an ultimatum when it comes to porn. You can watch it and still have a healthy sex life and relationship with a partner, whether youre a man or a woman. Maybe you are advertising the fact you watch porn when she is not around. Sure honesty is good in a relationship but I don't think you need to disclose everything, like what you do in your private time provided it is not going to hurt your partner and really, aside from her insecurities, you watching porn shouldn't hurt her. You know yourself if its an addiction and nothing about your post says that it is. Tell her that it can't compare to sex with her and reassure her that you are not lacking anything from sex with her. I think that is the issue she is probably having... she may be looking at it as you are not satisfied with your sex life and you need to tell her that that is not the case assuming that it isn't.

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Adding more to it...The physical appearance or flaws of his real-life woman, compared to the perverse or perfect bodies he habitually views, is an issue that hampers his getting an erection, but there are other factors that lead to dysfunction. Sex has now become an act in isolation, so he has a very difficult time fusing love and intimate connection with having sex. His pseudo-sex life is not integrated into the whole of who he is; it is separate and compartmentalized. He can't instantly substitute the illicitly erotic and naughty images for a wife/girlfriend he has disappointed--a partner who feels disconnected, who fills him with anxiety, has her own needs and desires, and can judge his manhood.

 

...And you would know this HOW?

 

None of what you said, has ever been involved when I masturbate, be it with or without porn, in or out of a relationship.

 

I think this is a root issue of this whole problem, women have little idea how men think about sex, masturbation and their penis - namely, their penis.

 

But I will say this much, if you know the tip of iceberg, you'd be depressed how little emotion goes into the whole "sex" thing.

 

I'll go a little further, though. Most of use learn about our erection and about ejaculation in isolation, so we actually start our sex life IN isolation. It's hard for sex to become an act IN isolation when everything about it is learned IN isolation.

 

We are not allowed to integrate our sex lives into the whole of our beings publicly, hence why we do it privately and compartmentalized. Throw on top a woman [or man] who things our sex parts are their toys to turn us one for them to work us when they want - as if that has to have an emotional connection that they 're competing against if they're not the ones doing it for/with/by us.

 

It is rather depressing for the average girl, I suppose, to have to compete with all these "supermodels" for attention. It's rather depressing for all us average boys when we realize what it takes to compete for these supermodels. That being said, the most common hot girl is indeed an "average" looking girl, once you get down to it, at least, Average on the BMI scale. And a whole lot of girls look really good when they are "not fat." There's no drugs that get's me around the mental issue of "overweight," I've tried them, the visual image is a very real and very important part of the male erection, at least, this one. That's as blunt as I can say it...

 

Sex and masturbation really isn't about love and emotions, on my end, and it never has been. It's about orgasms and ejaculation. Getting off together CAN be a very emotional experience, but first and foremost, it's a very physical experience; the driving energy is the pursuit of that ripplely motion that goes through us when we hit everything right. End result, yes, we can end up very close, metaphysically, but it's not necessary.

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As long as it's normal porn I could care less. I think it's totally normal for both men and women to need some visual stimulation to get in the mood during solo times so to speak. With a real live person there with you, nope. I really only see porn as a problem if it's illegal, promotes brutality or abuse OR if it becomes preferred over intimacy with one's partner. That said when I was younger I was not okay with it, because I thought it meant my guy would prefer someone prettier back when I was a tad more insecure about myself and my looks. Now I know that's not so much the case as just they need something to get started. Just reassure your girlfriend that it's not a replacement and doesn't mean you don't love her or want to be with her. And try to not bring it up as a subject if you can after that, because yeah it's a touchy one for most.

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It isn't even "to get started." It's more of a three circle Ven diagram, where one third is looking at porn, one third is having/getting an erection, and one third is masturbating. All three happen on their own for separate reasons, and any two can lead to the third. When we get in the mood, it's nice to see something naked. When we're not in the mood, it's nice to see something naked. And if we want to get hard, it's generally very easy to do so while looking at something naked. And it's generally fun to masturbate while looking/watching something naked having sex or masturbating. Even so, sometimes it's also just fun to watch, too, without actually doing anything.

 

It's really best not to discuss it, because a lot of people cannot handle their partner getting their sexual releases from anyone or anything but them.

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jealousy comes in because girls think that there is a competition going on when in reality, there isn't.

 

a jealous, insecure girl will desperately turn everything into a competition because she doesn't believe that who/what she is is enough.

 

a secure woman never competes with anyone for anything but a job because she knows that what/who she is is more than enough.

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If it doesn't involve children or animals I don't see the problem in porn. It's just a fantasy/release. I can't imagine why girls are so sensitive to it. If it's about looks most porn stars look gross, in fact 99% of porn stars look gross so guys are not getting off on their looks. It's just the sexual act that excites people not the porn actress.

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I've never had an issue with my husband and porn. I don't see the issue with it at all, but that's just me? Maybe I feel confident in myself and the relationship and know it's only a method of arousal and know it means nothing? It's visually pleasing? I don't know! I know it has nothing to do with me or how he feels about me.

 

Same here.

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If it doesn't involve children or animals I don't see the problem in porn. It's just a fantasy/release. I can't imagine why girls are so sensitive to it. If it's about looks most porn stars look gross, in fact 99% of porn stars look gross so guys are not getting off on their looks. It's just the sexual act that excites people not the porn actress.

 

A lot of guys actually really like how they look... especially the grosser parts most girls insist on not letting us see since they'd prefer to only ever have sex with the lights off...

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A lot of guys actually really like how they look... especially the grosser parts most girls insist on not letting us see since they'd prefer to only ever have sex with the lights off...

 

What I meant was a lot of porn stars are not really attractive personally to me, most don't have a pretty or cute face and even their genitals are just plain ugly. It's pretty rare that you will see a attractive girl in porn I think. I also hate fake boobs which 90% of porn stars have. Maybe that's just me that I like "real" looking girls?

 

Don't get me wrong I like porn, some of the sex acts are nasty and hot and I think it's great stuff for inspiration in your own bedroom but the girls I see and meet in real life are so much more attractive. That's why I don't get the jealousy thing with porn and girls, probably cause I'm a man though.

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