I feel like I will never settle into my new job

[Astera]

I've been at my job 3.5 months now and I truly don't know if it is the right match for me. It's my first job out of school and I have no internships/unpaid experience in this field. No matter how hard I try to improve my techniques and speed in my work, it's not good enough. People will ask me what I'm doing today (a sure sign they want me to cover something for them) and when I tell them "I'm really busy, I'm doing X Y Z" they will say "ohh that won't take all day! You can do this for me!". The thing is though, I'm so so slow it really will take me as long as I say it will. They forget I really can't do things at the same speed as everyone else.

 

I genuinely have no idea why they hired me because they obviously expect much more of me than I can deliver. I cry at work all the time because I feel so stressed - I don't have really have the space to take a step back and improve the quality of my work because I'm having to rush everything all the time. The department is severely understaffed and I feel like I'm more of a burden than a help because I so often have to be checked up on or assisted with a task. My training is still not over and I don't know how long it will continue. I am not making the company any money from what I can see and I feel like a failure to be honest. Because my work is poor I often have to stay late, go in early and miss my lunch and because I am technically still a trainee I don't feel like submitting overtime is appropriate - as I said, I don't think I'm making them any money so I feel rude doing so.

 

The company is trying to support me but everyone is SO busy with their own work. This year they have taken on more projects than the department can handle and everyone is suffering for it. I'm forced to attempt tasks I don't feel confident on because there is no-one else to complete them, which is causing me to feel very anxious and make mistakes. I can't relax at home because I keep thinking "oh god, tomorrow's going to be another horrible day". I'm really not happy at the moment and I'm wondering if anyone else out there has gone through something similar

[savignon]

Why do you say you "can't do things at the same speed as everyone else" and "I so often have to be checked up on"? Do you have a disability that holds you back in your estimation? Is the work too difficult? Perhaps the other employees are expecting at this point that you be "part of the team" in terms of covering/getting things done?

Is the job an assembly type job? That's what I'm guessing since it sounds like things need to be produced in a timely fashion with a lot of turnover.

Do you want to keep looking for another job?

A little more info would be helpful to give you the right advice.

[blueidealist24]

He or she says they're slow because they don't have any experience. Just because someone performs tasks slower than others doesn't mean they have a disability.. they just might not be well suited to that particular thing.

[savignon]

Of course. That's why I asked what in particular is slowing their production so much. Nothing wrong with having a disability if that were the case.

[Astera]

No, I don't have a disability but just a HUGE lack of experience compared to everyone else in my department. I'm the only one without a degree, and I've never even worked before, let alone in this field! I work in science, and due to the fact I have to work with living things, my duties are very time-specific i.e. when an organism has reached a specific growth stage I have to get to work straight away, and fast. This is part of the reason why I often have to stay late at work - things just can't be done earlier in the day, even if I have some free time (that is rare anyway though).

 

Also, I can't explain why, but the prospect of staying late actually causes me a lot of stress. If someone asks me to start a new task at like, 16:30, I start panicking (heart speeds up, start sweating) even if I am not doing anything after work. I really have no idea why this happens. I suppose it's because I really am not enjoying working and just want to go home, but it is strange (and unpleasant) that I have such a severe reaction to it.

[blueidealist24]

I'm surprised that you were hired for a science lab type job without at least some college. I'm not surprised you now feel in over your head. Maybe you should pursue some part-time studies in the field you're working in.. that may improve your skills (you didn't mention any college courses above, so I assume you're not taking them yet).

[Astera]

Thanks for your reply again! Unfortunately there are no centres near me where I can take classes, and online courses seem to cost thousands of pounds! I really can't afford that at the moment. I am feeling a lot of pressure from the people who delegate work to me (I get all the work they don't have time to do) because I say I have 3 hours free, and in that time they expect me to do the same amount of work as someone who has been there years! I simply can't, and then I have to stay late! I'm getting conflicting advice because my supervisor tells me not to worry about my speed (as I have been accurate and completed my work to a good standard so far), but it's impossible when I am given more work than I can cope with. I feel like if I say no, I look more incompetent than I already am.

 

Fortunately, my panicking about leaving on time has improved slightly (not TOO bothered about staying late if I am not busy) but one day a week it is important to me that I leave on time - I see my partner once a week. We can't live together at the moment. Is it reasonable that I insist I get off on time just one day a week? I feel so guilty about having to then dump my work on someone else, but the bottom line is that too much is being asked of me :suspicion: