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So, my ex and I had been dating for 6 months. We were friends for about a year first and after we started dating, she moved in with me in the first week (probably a mistake). We always talked about getting married and having a family. She told me that every winter she breaks up with her boyfriends. She was a victim of sexual abuse as a child and because of that, the winter is very hard on her. Despite this fact, everything seemed perfect between us. In January, we were set to move into our first house together. Less than a month before the move, she went on a vacation with a bunch of her friends for a week. When she came back (the day before New Years Eve), she said it was over. I was shocked. I kept asking why and all she would say was "I just don't want you anymore, I want to be single." It was as if some switch turned on in her brain. I spent the next two weeks pathetically begging for her back. She said she didn't want to get back together but still wanted to be friends. A month after the breakup, I found out that she had started dating someone else (In fact, one of her friends from her vacation). There's so much more, but in a nutshell, she wants to remain friends and I can't bear to see her with another man, especially after everything that the two of us have been through. I don't want to lose her completely but I don't know what to do.

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As hard as it is to see right now let me tell you as an outside person who hasnt got anything to do with your RS that she had little to none respect for you and she certainly wasnt committed to you. I know because I have been there myself. If a vacation with her friends was enough to make her want to break up with you and stay firm in this decision, she had been contemplating breaking up a long time before that.. I know it is a hard pill to swallow.. And it hurts so much knowing the one person you loved most didnt love you back as much or actually only a little. But it is still very fresh for you. it will hurt for the next weeks, maybe months. You have done good to come on this forum. You will get a lot of good advice from te people on here.

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You don't have to be her friend just because she wants to be yours.

 

That doesn't mean you can never be friends again, but it sounds like right now you can't. So you don't have to be. You don't have to be mean about it, but you should be honest with her and just say you can't. You need to focus on yourself and moving on... and if you get back around to being friends again one day... great. If not, well...that's OK too.

 

Your two desires are at odds with one-another. Focus on yourself and what you need, first. She obviously has done that for herself, so you need to show yourself that same courtesy and respect and heal your heart. Sans the ex.

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Thanks for the feedback. I know I should cut off all contact with her but it's hard. It's still difficult to accept, even when just a week before the breakup, she was telling me about how we would never break up and that she wanted to get married. And now it's like she's shrugged it all off like it never happened.

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People do that, sometimes unfortunately. Sometimes fortunately.

 

It's going to be hard for a while. That's OK. It's OK to be sad, to hurt, to be angry... whatever you feel. What you do need to do is focus on you. Don't direct that anger or hurt inward OR toward your ex, but let it go. It takes time, effort, distance from the situation... but it keeps you from doing anything you'll regret later.

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Thanks for the feedback. I know I should cut off all contact with her but it's hard. It's still difficult to accept, even when just a week before the breakup, she was telling me about how we would never break up and that she wanted to get married. And now it's like she's shrugged it all off like it never happened.

 

You were not the first and will not be the last to hear that. My GF said "I can't wait to move in with you, you're my entire world" a week before dumping me. Just accept it. The faster you accept, the faster you move on.

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You were not the first and will not be the last to hear that. My GF said "I can't wait to move in with you, you're my entire world" a week before dumping me. Just accept it. The faster you accept, the faster you move on.

 

Why would anyone do that?? How old is she? How can someone be so unstable?

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Why would anyone do that?? How old is she? How can someone be so unstable?

 

She is 19. It's not unstable, it's just immature. Your ex and mine got tired of the relation and did not know how to end things properly. But I'm ok with that, someday it will happen to her. And then she'll know how it feels like to be dropped like you mean nothing.

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She is 19. It's not unstable, it's just immature. Your ex and mine got tired of the relation and did not know how to end things properly. But I'm ok with that, someday it will happen to her. And then she'll know how it feels like to be dropped like you mean nothing.

 

Mine is 32 actually lol. She has been played before so I really question myself to why would she give up a good RS. But its like you said, probably bored. However, life is about being happy with what you have. My ex could not do that. She is all about the party and drinking and having fun. Which, I too enjoy at times but they shouldnt be a priority over investing in your RS or working at your future (job, house,..). I'm sorry I've been feeling a little frustrated these days

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Mine is 32 actually lol. She has been played before so I really question myself to why would she give up a good RS. But its like you said, probably bored. However, life is about being happy with what you have. My ex could not do that. She is all about the party and drinking and having fun. Which, I too enjoy at times but they shouldnt be a priority over investing in your RS or working at your future (job, house,..). I'm sorry I've been feeling a little frustrated these days

 

It's a shame for a person at her age to act like that. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Her story won't have a happy ending.

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It's a shame for a person at her age to act like that. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Her story won't have a happy ending.

 

Deep down I know. It's not that I wish bad things on her but -even though I get paralyzed by fear lately that she will find another soon and live happily ever after- that it won't happen that easily for her.

In the course of the BU, her older cousin would say to me: "You really deserve better. X has always been like this and most likely will keep doing this. You have a chance to accomplish something, but it won't be with her."

This is a woman who hangs with people my age (23-24), still thinks life is all about partying and getting wasted and having fun, hangs out with her friends 3 times a week for hoooours, sleeps till 2 pm in the weekends, is absolutely torn by not seeing her family enough when working in place A, then quit her job in place A to move closer to her family. Finds a job there. And then starts complaining she doesn't see her friends (which live in A) that much and she is lonely and bored. It's a basket case.. But I still love her.

 

So much for the venting. (sorry)

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It's ok we're here for that

 

Like I said, her story won't end well. She either change or crash down on reality. Eventually things will catch up to her and she'll most likely regret a lot of decisions she's making now.

But in the end it comes down to you...If you want to wait for her or not. Even though I say I don't want to wait for me ex, if she called me NOW, I'd probably give in. It's up to you to look for someone truly worth of your person, or settle for less.

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It's true the new guy will always wonder when his time will come. He saw her drop you and everything so quickly to be with him. He will be insecure in the relationship eventually. I was that guy once, she dropped a fellow of two years to be with me, and after two years with her, guess what? Yup. I was devastated to have to now wear those shoes. (this was four years ago)

 

As of right now, I am in exactly your situation. We were living together and had just become pregnant (we found out on x-mas eve) We decided to keep the baby and had our first x-mas together. What a great time and the thought of starting a family with the one I adored. Well on January 3rd she asked me to move out, she wasn't happy and she was aborting the baby. I pleaded with her to keep it and she just flat out ignored me. After that, she went complete silent treatment as she waited for me to pack and leave, all the while on her phone. I suspect she left me for another, though I can't go about trying to prove that as it would be too much pain. But I know in my heart she is with someone else. Meanwhile for the last few weeks, I would rub her back as she puked her guts out every morning from the morning sickness. It's never a fair deal. I feel your pain.

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It's ok we're here for that

 

Like I said, her story won't end well. She either change or crash down on reality. Eventually things will catch up to her and she'll most likely regret a lot of decisions she's making now.

But in the end it comes down to you...If you want to wait for her or not. Even though I say I don't want to wait for me ex, if she called me NOW, I'd probably give in. It's up to you to look for someone truly worth of your person, or settle for less.

 

I don't want to wait. However, I do find it very saddening, the idea that all those conversations I had with her to try and make clear to her how serious relationships work.., will now all be work that someone else will profit. Makes me a little mad.. It happened to me before: was being played by a borderline disordered person, told her the truth and that she cannot treat people like that, she tells me she no longer wants ANY RS and BAM: one week later she was in one. This happened 1,5 years ago. They're still together and living together! It really hurt me back then and now I am like aaaaargh! Am I like a teacher or something?

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Yeah it really isn't fair. And now everything reminds me of her. We did everything together and now this giant piece of my life is missing. I can't even really be in my apartment anymore. But I know I wasn't the first person she did this too and I'm sure I won't be the last one.

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Yeah it really isn't fair. And now everything reminds me of her. We did everything together and now this giant piece of my life is missing. I can't even really be in my apartment anymore. But I know I wasn't the first person she did this too and I'm sure I won't be the last one.

 

You either take it to the bone, or bail out. Can't you move? Change apartment? I had to change college. I HAD to. Every corridor, cafeteria, classroom and hallway remembered me of her.

So I reached a point where I got tired of it. I could not cope with that. Like I said to Lucha, I even changed rooms with my sister.

 

I'm up for anything to forget this girl. ANYTHING. But that is me. What are you willing to change, to forget?

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I've been in your situation and I know how you're feeling!

 

The sad truth is, she didn't love you as much as you loved her. She doesn't deserve you and I hope you know that one you're gonna find someone and someone is gonna love you better than her.

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I think you need to do some soul searching. It is very unhealthy to move in with someone after a week of dating and that was a decision that YOU made ... yet don't seem to want to admit was a bad idea. Friendship beforehand doesn't matter.

 

I think you should also analyze why you would be doing so much "future talk" only a few months into the relationship. Frankly the first few months of dating are about determining if someone is girlfriend material. She had red flags all over and you should have run.

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