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WHY DID I DO IT?! (the never ending tale of stalking your ex)


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I wake up everyday and tell myself "today will be the day! I will no longer check the social media of him and his social circle, I will NOT" ...and then a few short hours later there I am, frustrated and upset at what i've found out. I really need to stop and if anyone has any tips on how to do this PLEASE let me know because I am really driving myself crazy.

 

Im the one that broke it off to I get it he's moving on, but i HATE that he's going back to her like I knew he would. She's like my replacement and I know that if i'm not in the picture then she'll be in it. What makes all of this worse is that Valentines day is coming up (insert pathetic story about how lonely i'm going to be) and instead of me getting that message it will be her. I'm not looking to date or meet anyone right now because that's not my priority in life at the moment and I'm focusing more on myself and my future, so this whole being okay with him moving on is getting really hard.

 

Any tips on how to stop stalking? In my mind I feel like if I don't investigate then i'm missing out on information (am i crazy? Maybe.).

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You are NOT focusing on your future --- you are focusing on the past, and his present.

 

The information you are searching for is just making you feel bad. So, why are you doing it?

 

Because it is your last link to him...and if you let go of it, it is truly over. And once you are okay with that, you will stop looking.

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You have to stop it. Nothing good can come out of it. My counselor asked me what feeling did I get from checking up on her, and I had to admit each and everytime it was a horrible feeling. So she said "why would you do this to yourself?"

 

Truth is, he's gone. You checking up on him is not gonna change that, nor will it make you happy. I know how hard it is, but you have to really block him on everything (as many on here have suggested). It really is the only way if you find yourself suffering from getting information!

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Hey OP, don't beat yourself up too much over this. Like mhowe said, this is your last link to your ex. I've been in your shoes where I felt like I couldn't control myself.

 

Try to block your ex from everything you can. Maybe even get a friend to change your passwords to social networking sites for a while so you can't log in or look into site blocker plug ins for your browser.

 

My ex is everywhere online and it's hard not to come accross a fairly popular social networking site that doesn't have her on there. I even installed Whatsapp and Snapchat on my iPhone. Those apps look into your Contacts and shows you who's using it. Stupidly, I forgot to remove my ex from my Contacts and when I installed them, I saw that she was using them too. My mind went a little crazy, especially because of Snapchat (lots of people use it for sexting because it deletes the pic forever after a while and it's direct pic sharing). So, I deleted her from my Contacts, uninstalled those apps and reinstalled them.

 

The worst is Google+. There is no way to block someone like you can on Facebook. There is a "block" option but all that does is prevent the person you blocked form seeing any new updates in your "feeds". Depending on what you decide to share with the public, they can still see your profile pics, circles of friends, any anything else you care to share to the public.

 

Other than that, it's will power and mind over matter. I know it's very, very hard to stop yourself. It's almost like an addiction. I've been there.

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First off, you need to get off the mindset of expecting for him to come crawling back to you. Why would he? You dumped him. Breaks ups are like ultimatums: don't instigate one if you're not prepared for an outcome you didn't engineer to happen.

 

And so what if you were replaced so quickly? If you didn't want this to fall out like this, you shouldn't have instigated a break up. Plain and simple. Being mad because he chose to not dwell on you sounds like you're mad your manipulation game blew up in your face.

 

You stop stalking him by blocking him. Or, you ask him to block you if you can't exercise discipline. Any information about hism is no longer required for you to know. You dumped him, remember?

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When you go to look him up... have a plan to look up other things instead. What interests you? Instead of Googling your ex or wandering to his social media... look up that topic instead, in whatever service you are in. Twitter, Facebook, Instagram... whatever.

 

Use that desire to be looking at him for looking at other things.

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