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To DTR of not to DTR?


Ggii

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Hi everyone,

 

So a while ago I posted about this guy through Tinder (I know,, completely shallow and terrible, but it was a game I played with my sorority sisters. Never thought I would actually agree to a date) and we were chatting for a few weeks in which he was doing most of the talking. He initiated the first date and it was the most perfect date ever. There was an instant connection, we have laughed, talked and flirted for a complete duration of 7 hours. I saw him checking me out numerous time and we both couldn't stop smiling and giggling. He felt really comfortable with me, trusting me with all kinds of funny and slightly embarrasing stories. The date ended a little bit awkward, but we texted immediately afterwards. The second and third date went exactley the same. It was sparks and everything. We kissed (no tongue) on the third date. He even cancels other appointments to meet me up, and when I have no time and I'm like: "sorry can't meet you until thursday" he is willing to cancel comething so we can meet up earlier. He is very considerate and keeps track of everything I say. We already have some inside jokes. We have the same sort of humour, lifestyle views and overall I just feel really comfortable with him. Like I can totally be myself and he will like me even more when I am. He is a true gentleman. I can honestley say that this is the first time in years I have felt so strongly for someone.

 

He initiated the fourth date and that where things got a little weird. That was my fault. All of sudden I realised that things could get serious and I got extremely nerveous, which resulted in me acting a little bit distant and cramped. Also I was frustrated that he didn't make any moves on me while we were watching a movie. He brought me home and for the first time since I've met him I fell silent and so did he. However, we french kissed on my front porch and we shared a little joke. It was a worthless kiss because I was thirsty and tired and nerveous like hell! We kissed like 4 times and the last time he slid his arms around me. I made it clear to him that I have had a great night, but didn't invite him in. We chatted a little afterwards and he was kind. I have asked him to meet up again, but because of my extremely busy schedule we have to wait a week to see each other again. However, we have a date planned (not sure what we're gonna do, suggestions are very welcome. We have alreay been to a music bar, diner, home made diner and a movie. I would like to meet him up around daytime and go on through the night)

 

There is a frat party tomorrow in a fraternity I am familiar with because my best friend is a member. However my crush texted me that he was going, and coincidentally I had plans to go as well so I told him. He responded very neutral, but not negative. This freaks me out. I don't want him to think I am stalking him and I have no desire to meet his friends or anyone he knows, but I am actually hoping to see him. I don't know if I should text him tomorrow night like: "hey, I am at the party, nice beer huh?" I cannot wait this long to see him again. Above this all I saw him being online on Tinder (he rarely is online at) at the weirdest times and he is not texting me that much as before. However, when he texts the messages are very warm, funny and filled with smiley's and jokes.

 

So basically I am kind of lost. I feel like I can't wait a week to see him, because I am afraid that in the meantime he will meet somebody cuter and cacel our date (which is ridiculous, because he is not the kind of guy who is dating all the time) But I have to be patient. I am still playing a little hard-to-get, as in, not texting him when he isn't texting me, unless it has been more than 36 hours or so. I am used to him texting me when I haven't texted him for a while but he is doing so less. I want to casually ask him to become exclusive and remove his Tinder, but I know guys freak out over this sort of subjects. I feel comfortable enough with him to talk about it, but I am not sure how to do it. Could you please help me?

 

 

Thank you very much for your advice in advance. I truly appreciate it .

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Just bring it up casually... That you are comfortable with him now and want to test things out with him by removing your tinder account and focus on your relationship with him. See how he reacts, most likely he will be happy or hard to read, but that is where you should ask where he stands on this too.

 

You should get your answer. & if he balks after this talk, well, best to know his intentions now than later.

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Just bring it up casually... That you are comfortable with him now and want to test things out with him by removing your tinder account and focus on your relationship with him.

 

This sounds really good. Thank you very much for your advice It is really useful! Tonight is my only night off, so I don't have anything to distract me from this haha! But how can someone casually ask an other to delete its Tinderaccount, without sounding like a stalker. Because when I ask him, he knows that I know he has still got one. And what if I meet him at the party tomorrow in a room crowded with people.

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No you can never tell anyone what to do, lol... You have to tell him what you would like to see. say that since you are deleting ur accout, it would be NICE to KNOW that he doesn't have a tinder account too. He prob wont give you an answer... things like this show exclusivity and most young guys are not too keen on this so give it a week or two to see what he actually does. Go with actions, not with words

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4 dates in and you're still playing hard to get? Ughhh.. I don't know...

 

I don't know his true intentions, I don't know yours...

 

Many won't agree with what I will say but if I girl asked me to become exclusive (ie. please delete Tinder) before we ever even slept together, and she was playing games ("hard to get") I would bail, but that is my own principles...I want to know what I am getting into before I do...

 

Also who cares about cuter girls, if he is interested in you he won't either.

 

My advice, stop playing hard to get, if you want to text him, text him, it's been 4 dates maybe invite him to something? As a guy, chasing is fun, but being forced to always be the one starting conversations and initiating meetups makes us start to think that you aren't THAT interested.

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4 dates in and you're still playing hard to get? Ughhh.. I don't know...

 

I don't know his true intentions, I don't know yours...

 

Many won't agree with what I will say but if I girl asked me to become exclusive (ie. please delete Tinder) before we ever even slept together, and she was playing games ("hard to get") I would bail, but that is my own principles...I want to know what I am getting into before I do...

 

Also who cares about cuter girls, if he is interested in you he won't either.

 

My advice, stop playing hard to get, if you want to text him, text him, it's been 4 dates maybe invite him to something? As a guy, chasing is fun, but being forced to always be the one starting conversations and initiating meetups makes us start to think that you aren't THAT interested.

 

 

 

Thanks, I will text him. However, I feel a little lame when I am the one who starts the conversation every time. I understand what you are saying about getting exclusive. It might be fast, but we have spent a significant amount of time and I just don't feel comfortable having sex with somebody while not knowing whom else he might be dating. Also because of STD's. So I'll text him, maybe ....

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There is a frat party tomorrow in a fraternity I am familiar with because my best friend is a member. However my crush texted me that he was going, and coincidentally I had plans to go as well so I told him. He responded very neutral, but not negative. This freaks me out. I don't want him to think I am stalking him and I have no desire to meet his friends or anyone he knows, but I am actually hoping to see him.

 

I want to casually ask him to become exclusive and remove his Tinder, but I know guys freak out over this sort of subjects. I feel comfortable enough with him to talk about it, but I am not sure how to do it.

 

I doubt that a guy interested in being exclusive with a girl would react 'neutral' to the fact that he would get to see her, even at a frat party. Also, the fact that you worry he might think you're stalking him means, in my opinion, that you're not ready to have the exclusivity and account removal discussion just yet.

My suggestion is to wait for him to bring up that discussion unless you feel comfortable enough to have that discussion..and, frankly, I don't think you do right now.

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