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Online dating - I am being impatient


kalyanna

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Hi everyone!! So I met a very nice guy on OKC. We corresponded for a couple weeks and then we met in person. Things went very well. The following week he took me out for dinner and a movie and he kissed me. He told me he had taken down his profile because he thought we had a very good connection and he thought he could see something developing. For our next date I invited him over to my house and cooked him a nice meal and we fooled around (no sex). We have both agreed to take things slowly and not have sex right away. Anyway, he is extremely affectionate. Texts me good morning every day. Texts me throughout the day and into the early hours of the morning. However, since our last date I have not seen him in 10 days. He had a busy week at work and then we had a snow storm one day but don't you think in a relationship this new he could still find the time to even have coffee just to get together briefly. Do you think there is more to this. He also took the time to buy me a book that I wanted as a surprise and have it shipped to my home. Am I being overly sensitive. I just thought at the beginning of a relationship more effort would be made to stay connected. Thank you!

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Your very nice guy is probably dating others, too. Unless someone is the President (and even then sometimes..lol), surely they can find an hour in 10 days to meet a woman they're interested in.

Suggestion: ask him to meet (not in your house, somewhere outside) and see what he says.

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I told him that I missed him and wanted something more than just text messages. Asked if we could meet on the weekend - said he was busy on both days. He said he missed me too and asked me which days I would be free this week but didn't pin down a date.

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Yes I think you are being too sensitive and have it backwards. People move toward spending more time together as the relationship grows, not initially. Jumping in and spending a lot of time together at first is really a burn hot, burn out fast type scenario.

 

Okay, so I should be more patient and wait for him to ask to see me again. I should add that he also asked if we could be exclusive and said he was my man now. Just want to make sure that he doesn't think okay, I have this so I can just sit back. Sorry, I have been out of the dating world for awhile.

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If he has stayed in contact but hasn't been able to actually see you in person then it isn't a terrible thing.

 

If he has a full life and is a busy guy that is a good thing as long as he isn't a workaholic. Let this whole thing build into something great. Take your time and stay busy with your life.

If he doesn't set a date soon then call and talk about what he is looking for. Just dating once in a while or an actual relationship.

 

Don't drop everything to be with him but be flexible.

 

Lost

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If he has stayed in contact but hasn't been able to actually see you in person then it isn't a terrible thing.

 

If he has a full life and is a busy guy that is a good thing as long as he isn't a workaholic. Let this whole thing build into something great. Take your time and stay busy with your life.

If he doesn't set a date soon then call and talk about what he is looking for. Just dating once in a while or an actual relationship.

 

Don't drop everything to be with him but be flexible.

 

Lost

Thank you. That is great advice.

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You're being overly sensitive. Not only that, but the lack of time you've been dealing with him does not support the expectations you're placing on your involvment, which is what this is. It's not a relationship. It's dating. And he's probably dating other women, too, that he met before you.

 

You should be meeting and dating other men, not shutting down your profile and committing yourself to someone who a) hasn't asked you to; and b) you haven't had a talk about what exactly "this" is you two are getting into.

 

Yeah, he could be that busy that he can't get away to have coffee with you. Life happens. Don't stop living yours just because he's in the picture.

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Okay, so I should be more patient and wait for him to ask to see me again. I should add that he also asked if we could be exclusive and said he was my man now. Just want to make sure that he doesn't think okay, I have this so I can just sit back. Sorry, I have been out of the dating world for awhile.

 

It's just way too soon for that kind of talk. He might be a player... and his sweet words have got your nose wide open. I think that he'd say that to you so that he wouldn't look like a complete horn dog, with his only aim at getting the pink.

 

You really need to slow this down. Don't stop dating other men until he comes clean about his time limitations, his expectations of you and your involvment. You're too in the dark to make any good decision except to keep your own options open.

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It's just way too soon for that kind of talk. He might be a player... and his sweet words have got your nose wide open. I think that he'd say that to you so that he wouldn't look like a complete horn dog, with his only aim at getting the pink.

 

You really need to slow this down. Don't stop dating other men until he comes clean about his time limitations, his expectations of you and your involvment. You're too in the dark to make any good decision except to keep your own options open.[/QUOT

 

He told me he took down his profile and he asked if we could be exclusive. We have mutually agreed to not have sex right away but get to know each other and develop a relationship first. He said he took down his profile because he felt that we had a good connection and that a relationship could develop between us. What other information should I look for? If we hadn't decided that we were going to be exclusive then my expectations would be different because I would assume that he was dating others and I would have the option to do the same but because we have discussed this my expectations are different. I thought now we would be working on developing the relationship - which includes seeing each other.

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You are saying "I want to take this slow, take the time to get to know each other", but in reality you are rearing to leap into instant relationship. Chill out and see how this develops.

 

As for him asking so quickly for exclusivity....frankly you can always say that you are flattered but not comfortable at this point being that you've just barely met and have only seen each other three times in your entire life. That's not enough to jump into an instant relationship for you. I've actually said this before and have never lost a guy because of it. If he is sane and serious, he'll get it and if he is nuts, I'd rather he pitch a fit and run. Saves me the trouble of dumping him. Well....in theory that should work. In reality, I've just never had a guy walk away because I expressed my boundaries and stopped him from pushing me out of my comfort zone. You need to commit when you are good and ready and know what and who you are committing to - just because he asked is not enough reason to do anything.

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Has he been married before? Does he have kids? Did he explain what sort of commitments will keep him busy for the whole weekend?

 

No, he has never been married. Was engaged before but ended it. No kids. Yes, he explained that there was a family function on Saturday and another religious family event on Sunday.

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That is good advice. If I have already agreed to this can what can I say to take a step backwards.

 

You can't really walk this one back. That's just advice for the future. I think for this one, you just need to be patient, give it some time and see how things develop going forward. It is possible for people to be that busy from time to time. I mean you just started out, no doubt he had previous plans and obligations that didn't include you because you didn't exist at the time in his life. So I wouldn't give the guy the 3rd degree just yet. It's too early for that.

 

At some point you might want to share what your expectations and wishes are as far as seeing each other and contact frequency goes. Nobody is a mind reader.

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In my opinion, if this week goes by and he doesn't make other plans to meet, he's just full of it. What does he do, anyway?

 

He actually does two things: he works for a finance company delivering presentations to clients and then he also runs his own brokerage company on the side.

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You can't really walk this one back. That's just advice for the future. I think for this one, you just need to be patient, give it some time and see how things develop going forward. It is possible for people to be that busy from time to time. I mean you just started out, no doubt he had previous plans and obligations that didn't include you because you didn't exist at the time in his life. So I wouldn't give the guy the 3rd degree just yet. It's too early for that.

 

At some point you might want to share what your expectations and wishes are as far as seeing each other and contact frequency goes. Nobody is a mind reader.

 

Great. Thank you.

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