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How can I get my girlfriend back after a serious fight at a club?


pseudoplacebo

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Me and my girlfriend have been dating for more than 2 years now. We're both 18. In my country we celebrate the 100 days before the exams. Every class prepared a performance and after that we had a party at a club. It's kinda similar to the prom.

 

Everything was perfect before we went to the club. Everyone spent a lot of money on the clothes, me and my girlfriend aswell. Around $300. After the performances at school we went to the club. She was wearing a very beautiful dress. Actually, we've never been to clubs in our life, because we prefer rock/metal concerts, so it was first time for us in that kind of place. We found a table, grabbed a few cocktails and the music that was playing there was not that we prefer. There were a lot of people on the dance floor.

 

The party was just starting. The host asked everyone to raise their hands who wanted to start the party. My girlfriend asked me if I wanted to be one of them, I refused. Actually, I was not in the best mood that night, so I was kinda upset without any reason, probably because I wasn't in a place that I would want to be. She then started to ignore me, later she left me sitting at the table and went dancing on her own. I got even more upset then. I thought, if she doesn't want to dance with me, so be it. I got up from the table and went to grab some snacks. She then approached me and said: 'So you prefer eating to dancing with me?' and suddenly left. I got angry. Then her female friends noticed that something was wrong with two of us. They talked to her, and then went to me to ask what's happening. I said, that I was just sitting at the table and then she had suddenly left me and went dancing without me, also ignoring me if I come near her and ask anything. So her friends went to her again and tried to find out more what's happening. Then back to me and so on. Her friends told me that she was upset because I didn't invite her to dance. At one point, I got mad about it and wanted to cut this child's play and approached her myself. I invited her to talk about this. She immediately refused. I got angry. I asked her if it was more fun to dance with the boys you don't even know instead of me. She then just showed the middle finger and left. At this point I was furious. I said: 'OK, if you don't want me here, I will just leave this place'. So I was about to leave the club, when she approached me. She said: 'If you leave the club, then it's all over between us'. I ignored that because it wasn't the first time we got in a fight. I was about to take my coat from the hanger, when my girlfriend stopped me. We went to a more quieter place to talk. I said that I was fed up with this constant drama and just wanted to spend this night happily. She then accused me, that I didn't invite her to dance and refused to apologize for what I've done and at this rate she will break up with me. I'm usually very emotional when it comes to relationship. I started crying in front of her. That was probably because I drank a lot. I started saying all sort of nonsense, that I would rather kill myself than be without her. It continued for a while, then we went to the table we sat before. I asked her now if she wanted to dance, she replied sarcastically: 'Now is the perfect time to do that...'. Then she started to tell me why can't I be like other boys, who just simply enjoy the party. I said, that I can't, because I don't like the music, the atmosphere, and the people who are here. Those people were picking girls up and dancing just because they were drunk, they weren't the real gentlemen. I then again started crying and said that all I wanted was a night out with her, when we could have had fun. After a while, a guard of the club approached me and asked me to leave. Then I realised that it was all over. We both went downstairs, grabbed our coats and left the club. At this point I was emotionally crushed I couldn't stop crying. We walked down the street. She told me to stop it, because I've already ruined the party for her. I then started to apologize for causing all of this. And that this was all my fault, I should have invited her to dance in the first place. My girlfriend just kept replying that she's so fed up with everything and wants a normal guy who acts like a real man. We continued talking. She then said, that she's not leaving me, because I have kind heart but still I have a lot to learn. She was still mad. And by saying mad, I mean she will just ignore me and get even more angry if I call her, if I show up at her home to apologize.

 

So here I am right now, not knowing what to do, how to apologize to her and to fix thing the way it was before. The Valentine's day is near now, I have plans for a romantic dinner, but I just can't find a way to ask her out, because she will just keep refusing.

 

Sorry for extremely long story, but I just don't know who to ask for a right answer, thanks in advance.

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Actually, I was not in the best mood that night, so I was kinda upset without any reason, probably because I wasn't in a place that I would want to be. She then started to ignore me, later she left me sitting at the table and went dancing on her own. I got even more upset then.

So you were at a place where you really didn't want to go, but your girlfriend clearly did. You got broody on that idea and then tried to keep your girlfriend from having fun. So if you didn't want her to dance and went to a dance club... realistically, what did you all expect to do? I can see why she got upset with you.

 

Then her female friends noticed that something was wrong with two of us. They talked to her, and then went to me to ask what's happening. Then back to me and so on. Her friends told me that she was upset because I didn't invite her to dance. At one point, I got mad about it and wanted to cut this child's play and approached her myself.

Her friend needs to stay out of the conflict. This issue is between the two of you. She maybe trying to help, but it situations like these tend to get worse when friends start to get involved.

 

I invited her to talk about this. She immediately refused. I got angry. I asked her if it was more fun to dance with the boys you don't even know instead of me.

Why should she take time away from her fun to deal with YOUR problem? The issue isn't her- you were being selfish about not going to the club or socialize with other people when she wanted to. learn to man up and handle your own issues without taking it out on your girlfriend. This is a good direction to head if you want to break up.

 

Two simple solutions that should of taken place:

1. You let her go to the club with her friends while you did other things.

2. You suck it up and try to relax. Don't interfere with her having fun (unless there is a real danger), or sour the mood. Let her know BEFORE going to the club that you aren't a dancing type of person like she is. However, you should have no problem with her dancing with other people while you kick back on some drinks and socialize with your peers who are at the club.

 

You let the issue escalate by throwing an accusation about her "planning to cheating" with other guys whom she dances with. This is a personal insult and will cause a girl to slam on the brakes. You attacked her for having fun (dancing itself is harmless) when you are the one who stormed out abruptly? Who's the selfish one here?

 

She then just showed the middle finger and left. At this point I was furious. I said: 'OK, if you don't want me here, I will just leave this place'.

You disrespected her first. Did you expect her to respect you back? Her reaction wasn't nice and also hits below the belt, but so was yours from the beginning.

 

I said that I was fed up with this constant drama and just wanted to spend this night happily.

How so? You are the one who started this. You came to the club with a negative attitude. You let that attitude affect your girlfriend from having fun. You caused a scene that was so humiliating to both you AND her that a bouncer had to ask you both leave. Honestly, I would not put up with your behavior either and question if I want to continue dating you.

 

Those people were picking girls up and dancing just because they were drunk, they weren't the real gentlemen.

More insecure accusations here. STOP DOING THIS. This is what's getting you into trouble with your relationship. Not everyone who goes to the club is looking for hookups- they are there to have a good time and socialize.

Stop worrying about what others are doing. Instead, why not try trusting your girlfriend to not lead other dudes on. She's an adult who can handle her business.

 

She then said, that she's not leaving me, because I have kind heart but still I have a lot to learn.

She probably said this to get you to stop since you embarrassed her out in public and wouldn't have to put up with you.

 

Next time, try not to interfere with your girlfriend having fun. If she wants to go to a place with her friends, be the awesome boyfriend who lets her. Just explain prior that you are not into going to clubs, but you aren't going to stop her from going if she wants to go out with friends. You do not have to attend every place she goes.

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I think the crying in public and getting kicked out of the club may have sealed your fate here. My boyfriend is also very in touch with his emotions (often a good thing), but i'm not sure if I could respect him if he behaved the way you did...that is, publicly crying over something silly that you started. It sounds like this whole episode was fueled by drinking...alcohol can bring out emotions for no reason and cause fights quickly. In the future 1) keep the drinking to a level where you have control over your emotions but are still relaxed enough to have fun, 2) let your girlfriend enjoy herself. If you don't like to dance then tell her its okay to dance with other people. Better yet, suck it up and dance with your girl for a song or two.

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