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my stages of grief


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Hi guys,

 

just wanna ask, according to my friends and the net, there are stages of grief, i don't know why my stages does'nt happen in order. there are days when im sad, sometimes depressed, sometimes angry..,

 

until now im strugling to finally accept all the things that happened to me, its almost 4months after my BU, and there are days that i keep asking myself "why", feeling "regrets"..

 

It's so hard to imagine that my ex- left me last october 2013 can you imagine my pain thru holidays... xmas, new year, and the upcoming valentines, our anniv (march) and her bday (may) and mine (june).. there are days i keep asking myself how can she do all this? how can she throw away our 3years without fighting for it or just even talk to me (for closure or even clarity of the BU).. i know and accepted my faults in the relationship. i keep asking, why did'nt she even fight or even talk to me this whole break-up.

 

 

Its hard but there are also happy days for me, but weekends are the hardest, i've run out of things to do (and not all my friends are available in a weekly basis)...

 

I'm just confused why my stages of grief are not in order

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Hi. Are we the same person ? Our stories are exactly the same !

 

As for your question. There is no order whatsoever. They come and go. You can feel regret, then bargain, then anger, then regret again and sorrow afterwards and goes on and on and on.

 

It's not a straight line. So don't panick, things will get better. And let yourself feel all these emotions ! Don't hold them back or else they'll come back much stronger later on. If there's anyone here who understand you completely, it's me ! If you need to PM me to vent or just chat about things, please don't hesitate!

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thanks for your replies,

 

@twidom, hope you're fine now, our BU started when she worked overseas, so for me its hard because i can't talk or even see her physically, while she has the benefits of being alone which helped her move-on and forget about me (as been told by my friends). Imagine she can enjoy the new place without the memories. while i have all the disadvantages whenever i went to places (malls, park, restaurants, etc)... sometimes i felt very violated. but i keep telling my self its over, i need to move on and tell myself shes not coming back....

 

The reason i ask about the stages of grief because i fear that i may not recover because i keep looping on irregularly.

 

There are moments when i feel already numb when i miss her, and see places that we have been. everyday the pain in my chest slowly fades away.

 

It's really hard but like everyone else here in ENA i have to hold-on (on my instanity hehe) and be strong.

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Hah mine brokeup with me via Facebook We never saw each other's faces. Not even a call. But yeah healing process is not linear.

 

There are days where you'll feel completely healed, and then the next day you'll feel like day 1 BU. It's normal.

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that's normal. you're going to end up feeling all sorts of emotion until you finally accept that the break up happened for a reason. when you are no longer mad or sad about the way things ended that's when you are nearing to full recovery. it's just a matter of how long it'll take you to get there but you'll eventually get there with the right mindset.

 

one break up took me 3 years to get over, but i've also had breakups which only took me a month to get over. during the 3 years i was feeling all kinds of emotions....i would feel very depressed, sad and angry for the first week and when second week came by, although i was still very depressed i was even more apologetic for the way things ended. and then a month later i would be angry again. this went on for a year and a half. it was only until the remaining year and half i came to realize that it is what it is. and that made it a lot easier because i was letting go of my emotional baggage slowly. like you, i was asking myself "why's" and "how come he didn't fight for me". having said all that, it was definitely an emotional torture for 3 years.

 

the best thing you can do for yourself is to not play detective because you'll never get the answers. learn what went wrong in the relationship and don't repeat it in your next relationship. although, i'd much prefer the 1 month grieving over the 3 years, it did make me learn a lot about myself.

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Everything around me remind me about my ex... That's the hardest part of it. Even I wanted to let go, it is still hard because of the things that reminds me of the perfect moments. I really avoid places we used to go ... I try not to dwell with the pain but the road I pass by everyday from office and my house has no alternative route so I have to bear the pain until now. I am avoiding to eat our favorite food too. I packed the stuffs he gave me, though I promised myself during the first week of BU not to take off the necklace he gave me. But I am still feeling sad. I am hoping that one day I will wake up not being sad anymore.

 

Weekends, I go for sports all by myself. You can do extreme sports were something that need your mind to focus. I went inline skates where I need to focus not to fall down, for few hours I could stop thinking about him. My situation is like learning skates ... I fall and got hurt badly but I must stand and roll again. I go to church too, to reflect on the things I am going through now.

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thanks for you inputs guys,

 

well i hope my life gets better day by day, for now i don't even know or care if we will be back again together, i know i miss her and long for her, but i want these pain to be gone for now...

 

i just want to be myself again and get back and start from where i stopped..

 

the hardest part is that knowing she's happy now with her current state. and that she does'nt want me in her life.

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