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She brokeup with the new guy and... I don't want to get her back! Here's why!


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This is my original thread:

 

TLDR: R/S of 9 years, she cheated and dumped me for a guy she just met. I was caught completely off guard. She was everything to me, I thought we would be together forever blabla I've been ove 90 days NC!

 

Yesterday a mutual friend told me that she brokeup with him couple weeks ago! LMAO!! First I was upset because I thought.. she trashed our R/S for this?? For sticking with a guy just a couple months in a LDR??? And then she dumps him!

 

But then my friend told me that she was very different, she gets drunk couple times every week, she even was afraid to be pregnant from someone else.

 

Then I realised: WHAT SHE'S TODAY DISGUSTS ME!!! I'm relieved, I'm happy actually I feel I hit a milestone! I don't recognize her anymore, I don't want someone like her in my life. I don't know how to explain this but people really do change a lot. I don't want her back and it doesn't bothers me.

 

So to everyone that is in NC and struggling: keep going, focus on yourself. While you are improving yourself, they are going down burying themselves because they don't take the time to grow up, to get their s*** together. Even if they are happy now, they are not in control, their lives are a turmoil of emotions, affairs, etc. YOU DON'T WANT TO BE HURT OR DISAPPOINTED AGAIN BY THEM. IF THEY HURT YOU REAL BAD AND CHANGED WHAT THEY USED TO BE, BE GLAD IT'S OVER AND REGAIN CONTROL.

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Im trying super hard and have been crying all day.

I know i need to keep telling myself hes trash for abandoning me after a miscarriage and turning to an online dating site and meeting women. Idk if he just didnt care or if its his way of dealing. Ive heard hes been making expensive purchases too. The pain is so deep....but i need to take it one day at a time.

 

Thank you for posting this

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Im trying super hard and have been crying all day.

I know i need to keep telling myself hes trash for abandoning me after a miscarriage and turning to an online dating site and meeting women. Idk if he just didnt care or if its his way of dealing. Ive heard hes been making expensive purchases too. The pain is so deep....but i need to take it one day at a time.

 

Thank you for posting this

 

Im so sorry it hurts, a lot... You dont know if he cared or if its his way of dealing with the situation but you need to accept that you dont need to know, the next time someone starts to tell you about him try and tell them you don't want to hear it... it only hurts you more in the long run hearing what theyre doing and what theyre up to.

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Im so sorry it hurts, a lot... You dont know if he cared or if its his way of dealing with the situation but you need to accept that you dont need to know, the next time someone starts to tell you about him try and tell them you don't want to hear it... it only hurts you more in the long run hearing what theyre doing and what theyre up to.

 

The pain is awful. Really awful. I was up all night with panic attacks.

Then i start blaming myself like it was my fault and something i did. Like i shouldnt have told him i was pregnant and losing the baby. itd be a lot less painful to deal with this without him knowing than him knowing and being a jerk.

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The pain is awful. Really awful. I was up all night with panic attacks.

Then i start blaming myself like it was my fault and something i did. Like i shouldnt have told him i was pregnant and losing the baby. itd be a lot less painful to deal with this without him knowing than him knowing and being a jerk.

 

And this is one of the many reasons people on here are so adamant about maintaining NC, let the people here be your support and if you need to vent feel free. you'll always find a listening ear, just try and take into consideration what the people on here are suggesting...

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And this is one of the many reasons people on here are so adamant about maintaining NC, let the people here be your support and if you need to vent feel free. you'll always find a listening ear, just try and take into consideration what the people on here are suggesting...

 

I know NC is best but like i told you before...my brain chemistry is still messed up. My thiughts are obsessive/racing. >_

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I know NC is best but like i told you before...my brain chemistry is still messed up. My thiughts are obsessive/racing. >_

 

I really am sorry i wish there was more i could tell you but it's just going to take time to find yourself again, if you ever need someone to vent to ill listen, but that's the best i have to offer i'm no doctor when it comes to medication

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I really am sorry i wish there was more i could tell you but it's just going to take time to find yourself again, if you ever need someone to vent to ill listen, but that's the best i have to offer i'm no doctor when it comes to medication

Its ok. I understand. Ill get through this

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Its ok. I understand. Ill get through this

 

I am trying as well. I'm almost 30 days NC, how long have you been NC? My ex did the exact same thing as you did, after two weeks since the breakup, he started online dating. I found out by googling his screen name. It was a bad mistake, but I learned and refused to do it again. I don't know if it was his way of coping the loneliness or he stopped caring already after two weeks, but point is, it doesn't matter what he does anymore, what matters is you. The focus has to be on you. While he's out there looking for booties, which means he's not working on himself after the breakup, you can use this time to improve yourself, heal, grieve, experience the pain, walk through it, and don't do what he does.

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I am trying as well. I'm almost 30 days NC, how long have you been NC? My ex did the exact same thing as you did, after two weeks since the breakup, he started online dating. I found out by googling his screen name. It was a bad mistake, but I learned and refused to do it again. I don't know if it was his way of coping the loneliness or he stopped caring already after two weeks, but point is, it doesn't matter what he does anymore, what matters is you. The focus has to be on you. While he's out there looking for booties, which means he's not working on himself after the breakup, you can use this time to improve yourself, heal, grieve, experience the pain, walk through it, and don't do what he does.

 

and hopefully one day we'll all find someone who treats these situations the same as us

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I am trying as well. I'm almost 30 days NC, how long have you been NC? My ex did the exact same thing as you did, after two weeks since the breakup, he started online dating. I found out by googling his screen name. It was a bad mistake, but I learned and refused to do it again. I don't know if it was his way of coping the loneliness or he stopped caring already after two weeks, but point is, it doesn't matter what he does anymore, what matters is you. The focus has to be on you. While he's out there looking for booties, which means he's not working on himself after the breakup, you can use this time to improve yourself, heal, grieve, experience the pain, walk through it, and don't do what he does.

Oh my im so sorry you found out Doesnt feel like awful? Hes probably just trying to feel good. I feel like people tend to use those sites as an ego boost when theyre feeling down.

Unfortunately in my case, it involved a lost pregnancy. So who knows whats going on in his head.

But i was just tell a friend-he lost a good one who took care of him and was there for him and will end up with some horrible woman. ;p

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We have to persevere, that's all I now. I'm telling you I'm in a better place today. The switch is amazing. I just don't know why it takes to much time for us to realise that they are bad news, they changed for the worse, that we deserve better.

 

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm sure she's "happy", getting drunk and partying every weekend... but I don't want someone like that. She's emotionally broken, has no values whatsoever and is destroying herself.

 

This is the woman who always said to me that she would never dumpe me, never cheat, would always be there for me. She said this same exact things to the guy she dumped me for. And now she dumped him lmao. Apparently she's seeing someone that I'm sure she cheated too and the cycle will continue but it doesn't bother me.

 

Let me tell something else. Emotional health/strength, self love, self esteem are WONDERFUL feelings. I'm beggining to see that now. Loving someone else is great but loving yourself is even better, I can see that now.

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I think we tend to forget about the cycle and how the person will just keep treating the others the same.

For me...looking how hes treated me in the past, he will keep doing the same thing over and over to other women and he wont stop bc he never takes time to change. I think what hes doing now is emotional abuse...knowingly neglecting me when i am going through a rough time (miscarriage).

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I am going through the same. He emotionally abused me with using his distance, neglect, and having his family ganging up on me. Letting me go, listening to his friends to find new women to talk to instead of helping me through the emotional mess. In a way I feel like he chose the dark side.

 

so heartless. Lets take this time to figure out why we chose those guys in the first place or at least work on ourselves to prevent us from falling for these liars.

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I am going through the same. He emotionally abused me with using his distance, neglect, and having his family ganging up on me. Letting me go, listening to his friends to find new women to talk to instead of helping me through the emotional mess. In a way I feel like he chose the dark side.

 

so heartless. Lets take this time to figure out why we chose those guys in the first place or at least work on ourselves to prevent us from falling for these liars.

 

Oh my im sorry you had to deal with that

Im going to do some research on emotional abuse. I feel like he would always pick fights and then get mad me like twist it so that i was the bad person for saying something. Maybe some narcisissic tendencies as well...like everything had to be about him and what he wanted and felt.

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Oh my im sorry you had to deal with that

Im going to do some research on emotional abuse. I feel like he would always pick fights and then get mad me like twist it so that i was the bad person for saying something. Maybe some narcisissic tendencies as well...like everything had to be about him and what he wanted and felt.

 

I've been doing a lot of research including asking questions on here and other forums. Be careful asking friends for advice though, they love you but they only give you advice based on their experience and most of my friends are in worse situations than I am, they tend to go into the same cycle, one bad guy after another. They told me to date, hang out with guys and have fun. But on here its completely different. Make sure you research your research.

 

keep me posted with your progress. I just finished my exercise, and been reading a really good book called getting over your breakup.

 

note do not read why men marry es or why men love es. I might have to start a thread on what people think about these books.

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I've been doing a lot of research including asking questions on here and other forums. Be careful asking friends for advice though, they love you but they only give you advice based on their experience and most of my friends are in worse situations than I am, they tend to go into the same cycle, one bad guy after another. They told me to date, hang out with guys and have fun. But on here its completely different. Make sure you research your research.

 

keep me posted with your progress. I just finished my exercise, and been reading a really good book called getting over your breakup.

 

note do not read why men marry es or why men love es. I might have to start a thread on what people think about these books.

Oh i hear ya. I know who to ask and who NOT to ask! I always research like psych journals and whatnot. It helps as well as posting on here. I think i need time to get over the shock that he could be so cold towards me after i lost our child....especially after how i went way out of my way to be there for him when he needed support.

 

 

I HATE those books that are about why guys love ___ or want ___. Ugh.

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Yea so what really helped me today was being told by management that i cant be considered for a new position bc i havent been performing "exceedingly well" over the past couple months and have been "disengaged". And they know o had a miscarriage.

What this guy did to me has totally screwed me...emotionally financially and now at my job. It was kind of a kick in the butt...like i need to stop feeling bad because its not worth letting it have so much power over me. Itll still be hard...but it definitely put things into perspective.

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Yea so what really helped me today was being told by management that i cant be considered for a new position bc i havent been performing "exceedingly well" over the past couple months and have been "disengaged". And they know o had a miscarriage.

What this guy did to me has totally screwed me...emotionally financially and now at my job. It was kind of a kick in the butt...like i need to stop feeling bad because its not worth letting it have so much power over me. Itll still be hard...but it definitely put things into perspective.

 

I was in the exact same position. My work suffered, my boss gave me warnings, etc. One of the main reasons why I had to break up with him.

 

Did you remove everything from him? Did you block him?

 

I told my ex about my severe depression, and how my work suffered, he still continued to hurt me, and continued to lie to me. My ex would probably let me die rather than stand up to his family.

 

Your ex doesn't care if you don't do well at work, if he did, he would fix it and be there for you after your miscarriage instead of finding other women to talk to.

 

Your ex is a terrible person. Remove this person from your life. You deserve so much better. He will do the same to another girl.

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I was in the exact same position. My work suffered, my boss gave me warnings, etc. One of the main reasons why I had to break up with him.

 

Did you remove everything from him? Did you block him?

 

I told my ex about my severe depression, and how my work suffered, he still continued to hurt me, and continued to lie to me. My ex would probably let me die rather than stand up to his family.

 

Your ex doesn't care if you don't do well at work, if he did, he would fix it and be there for you after your miscarriage instead of finding other women to talk to.

 

Your ex is a terrible person. Remove this person from your life. You deserve so much better. He will do the same to another girl.

 

Yep hes been removed from everything. And im pretty sure im not the first girl he has been terrible to. I remember him telling me that his ex ending up moving to another country. He was like "she was terrible at her job and i told her. so maybe i was the force that gave her a kick to be better." Idk why i didnt remember that until now....im sure what really happened was worse than he let on. I mean, she moved to another country.

I think i got caught in the toxic thinking that he would change for me...but people like that do not change for anyone. Change is hard and why do it when he can just replace girl after girl after girl?

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