where should i go from here?

[whatiwant]

I was in a serious relationship with my first boyfriend for 6-7 years. After the breakup I was very devastated because I believe he's the one and he doesn't love me anymore. The cause of the breakup was mainly distance. I also felt very upset that I invested so much time and it means nothing. Shortly after the breakup I started online dating.

I met this guy and we've been taking slow, but things started to get serious and we were dating for 4-5 months. He started to ask me to be his girlfriend. He's a decent guy but I just couldn't say yes. He's was being very persistent and thinks that we had something good going on. I felt the same but I couldn't say yes because I still thought my ex is the one, and this guy is not exactly my ideal type of husband material.

 

To put on a damage control, I told him I want to breakup and not providing a very clear reason. I just couldn't be honest with him because I don't want him to think that he's a rebound or anything is wrong with him. So we've stopped talking, and I felt terrible and asked him to officially be my boyfriend a week later. He said we can start over and I didn't agree to do it because I think he's punishing me and I didn't do anything wrong I just need some time to think. I would only date him if we do this exclusively. And he hasn't contact me for a week now.

 

I think I made the right decision, but was I being too subjective thinking that we didn't work but actually we could have work things out? Maybe I should have told him why I wanted to break up? I don't know. Maybe I'm thinking too hard and being too stubborn about exactly the type of person I want, people can adjust for each other right? why can't I change my criteria and be happy of what I have?

[toby4]

You should be able to to accept the person you want to marry for all their traits not just the good ones, You were honestly acting unstable and he probably didn't want to deal with someone so hesitant because it probably scared him that a relationship would be the same way. Also isn't him asking you to be his girlfriend asking to be exclusive? He isn't contacting you because you turned him down but if he does matter you should express what you're feeling to him. I honestly think your relationship wouldn't be healthy together, you say he wasn't a rebound but in all honesty he was. You missed your ex and wanted someone else to fill those shoes because they weren't your ex you decided you couldn't date because of that. I think you just aren't ready for a relationship yet.

[catfeeder]

I don't want him to think that he's a rebound I don't want him to think that he's a rebound

 

But he IS a rebound, and that's exactly why you can't be happy with him.

 

It makes no sense to date people when you're not over your ex. Leapfrogging to another guy is a huge mistake, and you're suffering the reasons why.

 

I'd walk away from new guy, go grieve the first one and heal. You'll look back and thank yourself for not compounding this mistake by staying with someone who can never make you happy no matter what he does.

 

Keeping this going will only be a disaster.

[No1]

All he was doing is asking you if you wanted to be exclusive, not like he said lets get married.

You did what you thought was right and now you have to stick to it. I would think that an explination would of been good. How many times have we read that the dumpee was confused and wanted a reason and thought the worst. You could of eliminated his confusion and at least said "Im not ready to be exclusive with anyone" that way he can move on.

When you are ready to date, then date not a minute before because if you go out there before you are ready then you are not giving a guy a fair chance. You wouldnt like being used as a crutch would you?

I will give you that you are honest with yourself.. thats a good thing. Now go work on you, see a pro if you have to. Its hard to get over a 7yr relationship in 5months.. some can do it, some need more time. To me you just need more time

[whatiwant]

Thank you all for the advices. I am trying REALLY hard to stick to my decision and not contacting this new guy any time soon. We were really close and talk about anything. Should I still explain why I broke up with him or is it too late? Maybe I'm just finding excuses to talk to him. On the other hand, how do you know you are ready to date again? When I was first doing the online dating, I didn't expect anything and thought it would be a process to help me move on. But I see it can get messy.

[mhowe]

Stop looking for reasons to re-explain why you are not ready.

Leave him be. He heard you the first time.

[No1]

I dont think the OP ever told him why they broke up.. I would like to know why a GF broke up with me. I would think it was me, I did something wrong, my esteem would go in the tank.

How many Dumpees have asked why or wanted to know why and people here said "oh just move on" and its hard when you dont know what exactly to correct or what exactly was wrong.

You asked if it was too late to tell him... I cant answer that, maybe you can ask him and let him decide.