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Good news from a broken heart


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I just played some songs on a radio show after being seen playing a gig that I got from playing at an open mic night. I've only been in this town for five weeks and only been playing these songs for about that amount of time too, writing a new song every week. So I just wanted to tell someone really because I thought that was pretty cool and good steps to finding myself after my emotionally abusive relationship ended about 4 months ago.

 

It feels a little bitter sweet as I can't ring my ex like I used to (we would tell each other everrryything) to tell him how something went or what good news I have. But I'm glad I did something and if he ever cared about me he'd be happy about it all too...he didn't like me doing things he considered "obnoxious" and that was my sense of humour mainly really. These songs I write at the moment are sort of comedy songs. So it's interesting that I'm successful with them now. I had lost that belief in my sense of humour and my creativity. He was always picking flaws in my art. I did one open mic night while we were together and he said I was amazing but we never did another one again and I didn't play any funny songs because he had pretty much killed that part of me that wanted to play funny songs and when I told him I was re-recording some of my songs he was suspicious about why I was doing that and sort of implied he thought it was a suspicious thing for me to be doing...anyway.

 

I just wanted to share with someone my good news

 

If you're like me and you've been crying for months and feeling suicidal and like your life is suffering more than you have ever experienced...stay strong and focus on something that makes you feel good about yourself. Playing these songs has sometimes been the ONLY escape from my painful feelings and some good has come from it so hopefully that can be some sort of inspiration.

 

I'm not "all better" by annnnny means as a lot of people who read my constant upset threads know and I need so much more healing to even smile but this has made me feel like I have a purpose and it has come from this break up, so for now I can live with that. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say anymore!

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Wow such awesome news! Good to hear things are starting to go better for you I'm really glad you got on here and shared it with us, it's really good to hear that you're doing better even if it's just a little! I wish you the best and i'm glad you're finally seeing that parts of you that are beautiful

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Thanks Toby. It's nice to have someone say that to me and it is also nice to have something good to share on here instead of just the same sad feelings. I haven't had a gig in years and I haven't ever played on any radio station so it's quite an achievement to me. It is interesting that I would not be doing these things if i was with my ex as he severely discouraged me with things like that as I said. So it's good to see how my life can be better without him and his issues affecting my life. I know I should have realised this a long way back but this is the first time I've seen how he was keeping me in a box and that letting that life out of the box has brought good things and I've really been amazed at how far I can go from being the person he wanted to keep in that box so much. Maybe I'm started to break free....that's a nice way to think about it

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Your attitude is refreshing! You have every right to be proud of the things you're achieving it's really awesome! I'm glad you're starting to see the "silver lining" on the situation and its so good to here the improvement you're making! make sure to keep us updated because it's always nice to hear some good news!

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be proud of yourself! I certainly would be, I'm a bit jealous I'm starting taking guitar lessons this Wednesday and a bit nervous. Ultimately my aim is to publish a cover on youtube (hopefully). Think I will need some singing lessons too

 

keep on doing these things for yourself!

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Thanks Silversoul and Toby again.

 

Silversoul learning guitar is always strange at first but you just have to keep practicing chords really so your hand gets used to being in those positions and singing lessons are really really fun and good for you so you will have such a nice time try practicing singing out if you are shy, like singing to the other corner of the room, focusing your vocal energy on a spot on the wall and then on the house next door, further and further away...but not shouting! Humming is also a very very good warm up, try humming songs (I was trained in musical theatre singing so I know a bunch of these things!).

 

It is funny because I am pretty sure my ex was very jealous of me and that's why he was mean sometimes. I have never ever understood men who are jealous of their girlfriend's achievements...it makes no sense to me whatsoever! I am always so supportive of my boyfriend and super happy if he's achieving stuff. I actually helped him achieve many things because of that. Where as he would always make little comments and put down my ideas or say he would help me with something then it was never all my own thing...My dad is the same a bit too, he is jealous I took up acting after he failed at it I think sometimes. Another thing I don't understand being jealous about.

 

Anyway! Good luck silversoul and I hope I have more to tell you soon Toby!

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Wow thanks for the tips!

 

Jealous people are the people who are unhappy. You want someone who will appreciate you and motivate you to do even greater things.They are probably afraid to do things themselves since it takes guts to do things and it is easier just to be jealous. These people drag you down. We don't need that. We need people who can motivate us!

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You are welcome I hope they help

 

I am actually thinking about becoming a singing/acting tutor part time because I have all this knowledge and I'd love to share it with people rather than have it sit in my head doing nothing!

 

Yeah I think you're right about them being unhappy and afraid. I am unhappy and afraid often though lately but I still like encouraging people to do things with their lives. I suppose it's a deeper sort of self hate unhappiness and fear thing they've got going on though.

 

I wish I had cute guy groupies...I always have the nutters who are obsessed with me from playing live lol. Maybe the more sane men are just afraid? I just don't know...I have no idea how dating works at all, I just know I have had enough of the bad men so I must be extremely cautious with any offers I have at the moment! Because surprise surprise the only people who've been interested in me since the break up are nasty men!

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yeah, I agree with you that there must be some deeper issue within them.

I think you really should give a go to the idea of being tutor, I found mine through Gumtree ad. I think in time you will find someone, after you take time to heal.

 

I have one more question, how do you write songs? Do you have to have a special talent, right? I guess it's pretty much impossible to train yourself?

You are very lucky to have these talents, work on them!

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Deep messy ugly issues....

 

I will have a go at the gumtree tutor thing tomorrow I've had myself on there as an art tutor for a while but no one seems to want an art tutor. Maybe I'll just put another ad on for acting/singing and spruce up my art tutor one.

 

I know it's more likely and better for me to meet someone when I've healed but I have been on a dating site and I just need people to talk to or connect with you know. My friends are all quite busy or I just don't get on with them that well so I am actively pursuing talking to new people in a variety of ways and it is a good thing I think. I need to do it more even.

 

How do you write songs...well I have been writing songs since I was 12 or something. Now when I try and write a song I will generally come up with the melody first, like figure out a chord sequence, and then add lyrics over that. But sometimes people write the words first or have a tune in their head and then try and get that tune in musical notes on a guitar/piano, they can be good those ones. And it's good to add a bridge in a song as well as a chorus, bridges are good

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I doubt I could teach much guitar really. I could teach a bunch of chords to someone, I don't know if that's good enough though?! If they want to learn how to do solo's or something I'd be bad at teaching that!

 

Yeah I need to add in all that glitz and stuff. I could have a look at what other people write on their tutor adds etc.

 

Good luck with your songs and everything!

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Congrats Cryinggirl~ I can't believe your ex didn't even go to gigs with you....or discouraged you in any way!

 

I feel he had issues of you being better/more talented than him.

 

But then again...I'm just guessing.

 

And now you went to a singles night out and met the cutest guy there! WOW

 

Things are really looking up for you!! And just think...I only quit CRYING at 4 months...lol

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Well I don't see it as much of an achievement this guy liking me. There wasn't exactly a lot of attractive people there...

 

Well my ex was incredibly possessive, controlling and would have these "rages" where he would just treat me like I embodied everything he hated. Those were the worst times...I even remember him getting very angry at me for not making him coffee one morning, saying I never do anything for him and I thought maybe he had a point so I'd start doing more for him...like a trained slave. But it's so wrong treating someone like that and he did it more and more...I think he may be a bit borderline or something but to be honest but I spent so much time trying to be "understanding" of him that I actually just think he is a bad person now. A really really messed up bad person. It wasn't like someone who was just a bit jealous or something it was full blown psychotic stuff where he scared me a lot and then would be nice and back and forth...I just wanted him to be nice again, it was so frustrating. Completely crazy behaviour. I was made to dress completely differently, he hated a lot of the stuff I liked and so I wouldn't listen to music I liked around him...it was like I was going to end up with no personality and nothing in my life. Where as he would wonder around dressed like a tramp sometimes and I couldn't care less how he was dressed.

 

I still miss him lots. I'm also very angry at being treated like this. I would hope one day in the future he might regret what he has done for some reason or other. I keep getting damn texts and messages on any social network I haven't blocked, from my exes flatmate which is really annoying too. Like every couple days at the moment. It makes me wonder if these messages are in some way connected to my ex, seeing as they live together, but who knows!

 

Anyway. I would see the cute guy again. He likes the music I like and is young which is different for me.

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Just curious: What does this flatmate of your ex say to you??

 

You said your ex might be a little borderline. Then you mind find this VERY helpful: link removed

 

It's a website designed for partners of bpd people. I have been in contact with "textbook case" bpd's and this has opened my eyes tremendously.

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Good you turned to something positive.....beats the alternative...

As a lifelong guitarist and former punk rock lead/frontman, I had put all that aside to raise a family.

 

In 2007 when the wife bailed, all I knew was to get out and play again, and I hit every OM nite I could find, brushed off my setlist, and got back out there...

 

Prolly saved my life.....and although I'm a professional by day, I gig out few times a week...it's good money, positive and I meet tons of people that way......

 

Often our talent and our love of a certain thing, became suppressed in the relationship....once that relationship is over, we find that long-lost talent screaming to resurface......

 

I can't imagine not playing on stage anymore.....when 7 years ago, I had not been on stage in 10 years!

 

I play what I like, mostly bittersweet....mostly sad alt-country stuff, just guitar.....mouth harp....vocals, but it's what makes me feel better and folks love the sad stuff.....

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Lucha he's sent a wide variety of messages really. The first one was telling me to tell his ex (my friend) something vile, second was asking how I was doing and he wished he knew me better, then I got a string of messages that make no sense or are video's and I' haven't watched the videos so I don't know what they are. He also blocked me on facebook and then a week later sent me a message on youtube saying he liked my video and shared it so I blocked him on youtube and then I've just got another video sent by text yesterday....

 

I saw the flatmate at a party 2 months ago or so and he came up to me smiling asking how I was and I just smiled and walked off.

 

I'm mainly ignoring him because he sent me that vile message about my friend but I also do not trust him whatsoever and I think he is definitely a bit mad. He was sort of like a slave to my ex, he would do whatever he asked and was like a weird third wheel when we ate dinner. He also joined in with my ex when my ex was making fun of me in front of his friends.

 

My only thought about why he's contacting me is because my ex is talking about me and that makes him wonder about me and try and get a response from me because he really is like his psycho slave. I have no replied to annnyyything he has done for months and he's still contacting me. I do not even live in the same town as his ex (my friend) and he knows this.

 

Thanks for the link also, I shall have a look.

 

I'm glad you are playing surfjon

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