follow the heart or brain

[aliveagain]

I was on here in August needing help and heard all the things i didn't want to hear but needed to hear.

 

My husband is being as faithful as he is going to get. Meaning as long as I don't go digging I wont know too much.

 

The man that made me actually got me online like a dumb butt and seek help has made his way in my heart and i hate myself for that. I took all the advice! i

started working out even harder (looking great-feeling great) then... Monday he msg me wanting to hang out and although i did not respond it has been heavily on my mind. Like consuming my thoughts!

 

He initiated contact back in September and it became quiet strong through the end of December. It "ended" on a good note on New Years day. It just needs to end and as long as he sends me something here and there i know i will mess up and eventually respond, then we will meet, then well, shoot we will..... I was falling in love. i miss it too much. My butt cried for six freaking days when i decided to truly not continue talking with him. Really??

 

I have not talked to him since new years. I know he is bad for me, but he also brings out feelings in me that are on the craziest level I have ever experienced. Ever!

 

I just need to know i am doing the right thing and i wont regret my decision. Sometimes its good not to follow your hear right? Do I have any other course of action? Could It ever become just sex and my emotions reverse? just don't want to have any regrets...ugh

[savignon]

I had a really hard time following this.

You're married but met someone else online and had a brief thing that ended on New Years?

I'm a little confused and I read it twice.

[aliveagain]

i am married, he has cheated on me since oct 2009 (when i found out for sure), we are separated. The guy (not met online) lasted almost a year and it ended on New years.

[DancingFool]

So why not conclude your divorce, clean up your life and put it back in order so that you are free to find healthy relationships? The problem with separated and dating is that many people will see it as too much unfinished business to want to get involved with you. In other words, you are missing out on good men because they won't want to get involved in a mess.

 

Forget short term and start thinking what you want out of life long term. I'm sure separated, cheating husband, short term involvements for yourself is not how you have pictured your life. Time to get back on track and first step is divorce.

[aliveagain]

Thank you.DancingFoot I will think of it in that way - "many people will see it as too much unfinished business to want to get involved with you." I guess would explain why every time it starts getting too heavy he leaves me alone... for a while and then he comes back and it picks right back where it left off, really it escalates.

 

so don't respond to him no matter what until the divorce is finalized? that's what I'm thinking but i know me and i am scared. its dumb. I wish it could have been just sex, I was stupid. geeze. I dont even think he knows that I feel this way. The physical is obvious but he would be surprised to know how deep hes made it inside my heart.

 

A divorce is truly my first step in all this so i will not look for advice until it is concluded bc that is stupid and not respectful of the advice people take the time to give me. Thank you

 

This is so hard. I would never say adultery is worth it, not even in my circumstance bc its hard emotionally no mater what and I don't see how people even do it. It has no good ending!

[savignon]

How long have you been separated? You have to look at it from the other person's shoes.....a quality, healthy, emotionally stable person who wants a long term relationship isn't going to date someone who's been 'separated' with no steps towards divorce taken in over a year. What does separated mean? Are you sharing a home? Finances? Whatever the excuse is on your end (ie husband is a cheater) doesn't matter to the new person... the fact is you're married, haven't filed for divorce yet and everything is "pending".....a healthy person isn't going to wait around while you sort all of that out when they can look for someone who is free legally, spiritually, emotionally and can give back what they have to offer themselves.

I'm not saying *this* guy is a great, emotionally healthy, available partner....but what I'm saying is a quality person who has their sh** together isn't going to touch "separated" with a 10 foot pole, regardless of what you say the circumstances (=excuses) are as to why you haven't filed for divorce and haven't made any move to end a miserable marriage complete with infidelity for over 5 years.