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Should I leave my depressed boyfriend and move on?!


Carli Ng

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I have been going out with this guy for over a month now, we talked via msg a week before our first date. At the start everything seems so great and wonderful, he's such a gentlemen and sweet to me when we at home or in public, he has a full time job so we only meet on the weekends but every time we met it was so excited, we did so much thing together and he always said he's the happiest guy in the world coz he's having me as his gf and am who he was looking for, he always talk about taking me to places that I haven't been at or do things that I would never want to try and us visit my home country or somewhere else. We normally talk via msg, he's always make sure that he answers most of my questions or things I say in the texts, barely get a short text from him within 5 words.

Things went so well then suddenly the problem occurs, he became pretty distance in the last few days, he didn't reply my msg as quick as he used to, and he didn't try to talk to me or want to see me this weekend at all. He said he always get tired from work b/c he has to get up like 5am works till 3pm then gets home and doesn't want to do anything beside lies on the couch and relax. But he did manage to see once in weekdays every week beside the weekend. Im 110% sure he's not cheating on me b/c I checked his phone every time we met and there was nothing.

So since I noticed the change in him, I finally stepped up and texted him asked if I did/said something wrong that upset and make him became so distance, he said no, he just feels drained and ty and it seems like everything getting him down lately, I tried to be supportive and understanding to make him feel better but just didn't work. So last night I ended up sent him a text and he just answered me like 5 hours ago. Please bear with me and read the text, I don't know if he wants to break up with me or me to there till he fixes himself up! Please help, Im super depressed as he is right now!

 

I wrote:

Guess you are properly in bed already. Im sorry that I cant do anything to help you through this tuff time, I know you are depressed and tired of work, your bosses and the house things and they are stressing you out a lot but dont let them affect you and make you neglect yourself, you have to look at it in the bright way baby, look at what you have achieved so far, you are only 23 and you have plenty of time to accomplish your goals, recently Im feeling like you aint interested in me anymore and try to avoid me rather than tell me upfront, I dont know if you feel the same but I do care for you and will be here if you need someone to talk to, but in meantime since we dont talk much like we used to anymore, I guess I should give you your own space and time alone to work things out for yourself. I hope you can see thing differently and stop judging yourself too much, you are doing great and everything will be just fine. No matter what you're choosing to do, I hope you will always be happy and enjoy your life to the fullest! ❤️ xoxo

 

He replied:

Carli, I'm sorry for being such an to you these last few days by not talking to you, I feel really about it, and I have no excuses for why I treated you like that. I just really don't feel like I am myself right now. And I'm feeling like I can't treat you the way you deserve to be treated, because I can't even treat myself right. You are an amazing girl Carli, you're so sweet and lovely... And I feel like if I'm neglecting myself, ill end up neglecting you too. And I really don't want to hurt you... You're too good for that. I really just need to get myself together first before I'm ready for a full on relationship. I hope you can understand Carli... It's not just my happiness on the line, it's yours too. You deserve to be so happy ❤ xxxxxx

 

HEPL please, any advice would be appreciated!!!

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Sadly, it's a breakup text. He's also correct in that he needs to get his life together before he's ready for a relationship - but that's his responsibility, and his problem.

 

It's only been a month, and although it might be disappointing to move on - you should get over it very quickly.

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Thanks everyone! I woke up and started seeing thing better now, I just dont understand that this happened to him like only 2 days and he let it affect us but what can I say! Hes just not that into me!

 

Depressed people aren't into much--some barely have the energy to get out of bed. This doesn't mean they're terribly sad, so you can't 'cheer them up,' it's a biochemical condition that causes fatigue, sleeplessness or sleeping too much, loss of appetite or overeating, inability to focus and concentrate, inability to find pleasure in the people and things that once brought pleasure--and this can be an ongoing condition that requires meds to resolve.

 

Depressed people are not dating material. If he's bipolar, meaning he cycles from deep depression to mania, then you may have met him on one of his highs--and the crash from that would make it impossible for him to keep up the tempo he set at the start of your relationship.

 

If he's not really depressed but just lost interest, that's something you wouldn't know--so its of no benefit to you to assume that. Best to accept his reasons at face value and be glad that you've been spared further investment in a depressed guy. I lived with one, and I loved him dearly, but I had to leave him, and I wouldn't wish that experience on you or anyone.

 

Head high, you'll feel better soon.

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You made my day! I can relate some of what you said to my bf. The first month he was just perfect, then I got a bit of complaints from him bout his job, how tired it makes him and his bosses dont appreciate the work hes putting in (hes work as tradsman manager), I think this last week was really tough for him as he didnt feel like to eat, always feel drained. Besides he lives 30km away and its really a long bloody drive to mine. Anyways Im sad coz we got along so very well and we both though we could make it a long last relationship but thing happens ya know!

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Thank you so much for all of your advices, Im thinking I should properly send him a last msg say "thank you for everything you did for me and wonderful time we spent together, I really hope you will feel better soon coz its breaking my heart seeing you like this, I'll be here if you need me as a friend"

What you guys think? Or it sounds way too much?

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Thank you so much for all of your advices, Im thinking I should properly send him a last msg say "thank you for everything you did for me and wonderful time we spent together, I really hope you will feel better soon coz its breaking my heart seeing you like this, I'll be here if you need me as a friend"

What you guys think? Or it sounds way too much?

 

I think you've already said that in your last message. No need to repeat yourself.

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Well then I guess this it it then!!! Im just so disappointed coz I though I already found my one! So much in common then he just bailed on me!! Finding love isnt that easy as I though!

 

If finding love were easy, nobody would suffer over it, and there wouldn't be anything particularly special about it.

 

Head high.

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